Temptation Is Torture

Austin

I was sat in church staring down at the floor. For the first time since I was a little child, I was paying no attention to the service whatsoever. All I could think about was Alex and the situation I might be in with him. I haven’t spoke to him since it happened; since he kissed me. He’s tried calling and texting and he’s even knocked at my house, but I’ve stayed away. I'm scared of seeing him again.

I don’t know what to say anymore. If he kissed me, it means he likes me. Which is wrong. Plus, I liked the kiss and I think I like him. Which is also wrong. Why is everything so hard? I like him; he likes me, why can’t it be as simple as that? Because I won’t let it be.

He’s at the other side of the church and I'm sat next to Justin, whom I know he hates. Part of me feels horrible after yesterday. I overreacted a little and now I'm sat with his enemy. Alex will hate seeing this. I don’t even like Justin that much; he’s too controlling. He doesn't like not being in charge and I hate being bossed around. Basically our personalities clash.

“Ready to go?” I heard Justin ask me.

I blinked and stared at him. The mass is over? I really need to start paying attention.

“Erm, give me a second,” I said softly.

I didn't think he’s wait, and he didn't; not that I cared. He doesn't need to wait for me and I’d prefer to be on my own anyway. Peace and quiet is the perfect surrounding for thinking; it’s the best way to concentrate on something.

What I'm trying to work out is what I think is stopping me from being with Alex: is it God? Is it what people think? Or is it just me?

It’s not too hard for me to accept that I'm attracted to him. I’ll admit to that now. Plus I don’t have many friends here yet so I'm not worried about them judging me. That only leaves one worry then: God. Surely he wouldn't want me to suffer. He wants me to be happy.

Yeah. Just because I'm gay, it shouldn’t mean that I'm going to hell or I’ve suddenly become a sinner. It just means I know who I am and I'm not afraid to show it.

“Is everything alright Austin?” Father asked me, sitting beside me in one of the chairs.

I smiled softly at him.

“It’s fine now,” I explained. “Could I...Ask you something?” I whispered shyly.

Father nodded lightly and offered to listen.

“Is it wrong to...to be g-gay?” I asked nervously.

If he shouts, I don’t know what I’d do.

“Certainly not,” Father smiled. “Times have changed, Austin,” he assured me, “and God doesn't judge people over things such as sexuality, it’s about the good you do in your life.”

“Thank you,” I sighed, feeling relieved.

It was like a heavy weight had just been lifted from my shoulders.

“Is this to do with Alex?” he asked with a playful smirk.

I nodded with a blush on my face.

“He’s a good kid,” Father told me. “Go after him. He usually waits around outside for a while.”

“Thanks Father,” I said respectfully before standing and walking towards the back. Before I walked
out, I closed my eyes and looked upwards. “Thank you.”

Once I was outside I spotted Alex almost instantly. He was over by the bushes at the side of the church. I smiled and took in a breath to calm my nerves as I walked over to him.

“Hey,” I breathed out awkwardly.

“You’re talking to me now?”

I stared at the floor and nodded at him.

“All’s forgiven,” I whispered, “not that you did anything wrong to start with.”

“What?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“I, um. Well. Alex I like you, okay?”

“You. Like. Me?” He smirked, looking as if he was struggling to believe what I’d just told him. “Me?”

“Yes,” I said bluntly. “I really like you, as in, like more than a friend. As in, I like you enough to not care about you hugging me and, well... kissing me.”

Alex bit his lip for a second before pulling me into his arms.

“You sure you’re okay with this?”

“Of course I am,” I chuckled.

“What about this?” he asked before gently pecking me on my lips.

Just as he pulled away, I leaned in and placed a playful kiss on his lips as well. The smile he showed then was unbelievable; so cute!

“I’m more than okay with that.”

It was true. I was okay with this. We can be together. Nothing’s stopping us. Nothing.

“I'm so glad you’ve moved here Aus.”

“I'm glad I moved here too.”