Screaming on the Inside

By the time I got home, everyone else was on their way to bed. We exchanged "good night's" and went to bed. Lloyd slept in his room, Johnny and Dan were on couches, and I got the spare room.
I didn't bother changing my clothes, heck I didn't even bother using a blanket. I barely remembered laying down.
I woke up, late in the afternoon, to Johnny shaking me. "Dude! Wake up. There's someone here to see you." He said.
I automatically assumed it was Marley, but then I remembered she was working. Why would she come see me if she's working?
I got up and wiped off the eyeliner that had smeared, leaving on the rest, and went to the living room where a man sat. He was kind of tall and had short, dark hair. He wore a business suit and had a very business man physique. The man was familiar to me, but I couldn't place a name to his face. I felt like I knew him though, and didn't like him. I got the feeling that wherever I saw this man before, it was a bad encounter.
"Uh, hi?" I said, walking over to the man.
"You're Nick?" He asked, sounding kind of surprised.
"That's me." I was still confused and sure my voice showed that.
"I bet you don't remember me, do you?" He seemed like he didn't really care if I remembered him or not, just making conversation, the professional smile never leaving that annoyingly cliche face.
"No. I don't know your name. But I feel like I've seen you somewhere." I admitted.
"You have. Didn't think you'd even remember that. You were young last I saw you."
I wasn't understanding where he was going with this. "No offense, but I feel like we had some sort of bad encounter, like there's a reason I shouldn't like you, or trust you. " I felt kind of bad for telling him that, but maybe there was a reason I felt that way, and he would be the only one that could tell me.
"Uhm, yeah, last we met wasn't a good time." I wished he'd just tell me who he was.
"Oh. Well I really can't put a name to you, I'm sorry." I was sorry, I felt like I should know this man.
"I see you haven't changed much, personality wise. You're still that timid, shy, polite little kid I remember. I should have given you more credit for that." He seemed to be remembering a past time. I found it weird that he was probably imagining me as a child, when I barely remember how I looked or acted.
"I really don't know how to respond to that." I said, trying not to offend the poor guy.
"How are you and Samantha?" He asked. How did he know about her? Why did this man know anything about me? "Still dating?"
"No, actually. We got married 4 years ago, but we recently got a divorce." I didn't like telling the story, I felt like it's just a big "I told you so" kind of thing. Everyone told us we were too young to marry, but we did. We proved them wrong for a while, but I guess they were right.
"Oh, how recent?" He didn't seem nosey, just looking for conversation.
"Papers were signed a few days ago." I also didn't want to say that, in fear of what he would think of me when I told him I was dating someone else.
"Oh, sorry to hear that. I thought you two were doing well. I guess 19 year olds getting married isn't the best thing in the world." I didn't feel like he was criticizing me, but I still hated that. It felt like and "I told you so" and I hated it.
"We were fine. I wouldn't take it back. If we hadn't started having problems I'd never be with who I'm with, and I'd still be miserable." I said, calmly.
"Oh, you're dating someone new?" Why did he seem so surprised?
"Yeah. Her name is Marley." Why was I actually telling him this? Who was this man?!
"Well, I hope this works out. You know what they say about married life." He tried to make a joke but I Wasn't exactly catching on to what was supposed to be funny.
"Uh.." I stood there, awkwardly, and gave him a questioning look.
"Marriage sucks!" He said, letting me in on the joke. That's when it hit me. I finally knew who the man was.
A very old memory flooded through my head, leaving me shocked. I remembered being very young, probably 5 or 6, and creeping down the stairs when I was supposed to be in bed. I was wearing these Halloween footie pajamas and carrying something.. A bear? No, I remember it wasn't cliche, it was weird.. Maybe a fish? No. It was a squid. I came down, clutching this squid, and I heard yelling. A lot of yelling. I remember feeling scared and wanting to run back to my room, but I felt I had to watch. I crept behind the kitchen door way where my parents stood, fighting about something. I didn't remember what. But I did remember a loud thump, dad's hand pounding on the counter, and he yelled, "I wish I'd never married you! I should have listened to everyone else! Marriage sucks!" And he stormed out of the back door, leaving my mom in the kitchen, pissed.
Mom wasn't one to cry about anything, she just got mad. She found me spying and started yelling at me, letting out her anger. I was upset then, because I didn't know she wasn't actually mad at me, she was mad at the fight. She scolded me to go back to bed and I did. I never saw my dad again after that.
All through my life she told me that dad cheated on her and was being a terrible husband, which made me hate the man sitting in front of me. How could he do that to my mom?
"You're my father. Aren't you?" I said, anger rising within me.
"Yes. Son, I know, you're probably angry with me but please hear me out." He almost begged.
"Why should I?" I said, getting a bit louder with each word. "You haven't made any fucking effort to talk to me or see how I was doing or anything! It's been how man years since I've seen you? You have never tried to talk to me! Why should I let you now!?" He looked like he expected this outburst, and I had no doubts that he did. How could I not be mad?
"Nicholas, please just let me talk. 5 minutes. That's all I ask. After that, I'll go." He said, calmly. I was surprised he wasn't mad at me for what I said.
"Fine. Talk then." I said, sitting down, glaring him down. Maybe I was being harsh, but I was just mad. He left us, after hurting my mom so much, and never even tried to check up on me. Never once tried to say a word. I felt I had the right to resent him.
"I'm going to guess your mom told you I cheated and all that jazz, so I'm going to tell you right now, that isn't true. I loved your mom very much, and I loved you very much, I still do. Your my son, and like me or not, I'll still care about you. But anyway, I know you don't like me and really hate me right now, but I hope you can see I"m telling the truth when I tell you; your mom divorced me. Not the other way around. I never cheated, I was always 100% faithful to her. I worked 2 jobs to keep bills paid and food on the table for you two. When we divorced, she demanded child support and no visitation, and I wasn't allowed to see you. I know, I could have came and found you when you turned 18, but I always feared you would hate me, much like you do now. I'm sorry this all happened, you didn't do anything to deserve it. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." I was somewhat moved by what he said. Was he being honest? Was he lying to me for some reason? I had no way of knowing. I sat quiet and waited for him to make his next move.
"I have something for you." He said, reaching in the the briefcase I hadn't noticed until then. He pulled out a blue, stuffed squid with gray patches on it. It was the on e I had when I was young. I remembered having it all the time, and I remembered my mom telling me we forgot it when we moved out of that house. I was sad for so long about it, I couldn't sleep at night until I finally got over it.
I took the ratty looking squid, remembering how much I used to love it, and then looked back up at him. "Why do you have this?" I asked.
"Do you remember it?" He asked.
"Yeah, I do. I used to carry it around with me all the time. Mom said we forgot it at our old house." I looked back down at the toy, recalling the childhood memories that I'd shoved in the back of my mind for years.
"That's right. I went to the house to say goodbye to you because I knew you were leaving, but all I found was this in your room, with a note that said I would never see you again. I've had it since then." He explained.
"And you kept it all these years?" I asked, surprised that he did actually care about me. If this didn't show me he cared, I don't know what would.
"Of course. It's all I had of you." He stood up, and started to leave. "Hopefully I'll see you soon son." He said, then walked out. He left a sticky note on the door with his phone number on it that I transferred to my phone. I kept that squid with me, for some reason. I couldn't believe I had it back , after all of those years. No, it wasn't my security anymore, but it was a reminder of my childhood, when everything was fun and easy. I missed those days.