Screaming on the Inside

"He's late." I said, more to myself then anyone else. I was staring out the window, hoping Nick would drive in.
"Maybe he got stuck in traffic or something." Carly tried to reason.
"Or something bad happened.." I was worried about him. He was at least a half hour late, I thought he'd gotten into an accident or something. Just as I was about to call him, I saw a little red care pull into my drive way. "That's him." I said, relieved. I turned to Carly and Jacky to warn them about what was going to happen. "Guys, he's really upset, okay? Be nice to him. Jacky, please do not give him any shit. Don't try to make him ease up or anything alright? I just don't want to make things worse.." I warned.
"Hey! Marley! Chill!" Jacky smiled. "It's all good. We'll be nice to him." He reassured.
"Please do." I warned again.
I rushed to the door to open it when he came up. I didn't give him a chance to knock before opening it. "Hey." I said, a bit too quickly. He didn't seem to notice though.
"Hi Marley." He said, quietly. His voice sounded shaky and his eyes were red and slightly puffy. I knew he'd been crying. Even though he looked like hell, I still found him attractive.
"Do you want to talk?" I asked, suggesting that we talk outside.
"No. Not right now." He said, looking around at everything but me again.
"Can we talk later then?" I wanted to know what happened, in detail. I wanted to know what he was feeling and why. I hated Samantha so much for doing this, even though I'd only ever seen her once.
"Sure." He said, just as quietly as he had been speaking before.
I wrapped my arms around him again, like I did earlier, and he had the same reaction. I liked hugging him. Like I said before, he made me feel safe and I fit perfectly in his arms. You'd think I'd feel the same about his hugs as I do about Jacky's, but no. I almost craved Nick's arms around me. Even though I hadn't known him for very long, he was really growing on me.
We stopped hugging and I smiled up at him, hoping to get one back. He have smiled, but it wasn't genuine. He must have felt like dying.. I know if I loved someone like he loved her and that person did this to me, I'd be devastated.
I took his arm, and lead him to the living room where Carly and Jacky were pretending like they weren't watching what just happened. I knew they were, because I know them way too well, but Nick didn't seem to know or care. We sat down on the opposite couch that Jacky and Carly were on and I started introductions.
"Nick." I said quietly, to get his attention. I wanted to be really careful around him. He seemed to be deep in thought and I didn't want to scare him by talking too loud when he wasn't paying attention or anything. In all honesty, I just wanted him to calm down and feel safe here, like I did around him. I was still holding his arm, but he didn't seem to mind.
"Hm?" He asked, just as quiet as I was.
"That's Carly, she's like my sister, and her boyfriend Jacky." I said in my normal voice. "Guys, this is Nick." I said. I looked at them as if to remind them about what I said earlier.
"Hey man." Jacky said, casually.
"Hi there." Carly smiled.
Nick returned her smile and said hi to the both of them. His smile was beyond fake, but I don't think he knew that.
We all started casually talking, but Nick kept sort of quiet, only giving his input when we asked for it. I could tell he didn't want to bother Carly and Jacky with talking about why he's so upset, even though they were asking.
"Awh. What's wrong? You seem so sad?" Carly pointed out after a while. I could have hit her. I told her not to do that. I just glared at her.
"No, it's okay. Just been a long day. Sorry, I'm being kind of a downer, huh?" He said, actually feeling bad.
"Don't mind her, she's.. Nosey." I said, trying to find a nice word to use, but at the same time letting her know that I was annoyed that she would bring it up. I decided to text her.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???" I asked.
"What? I was just wondering. I thought if he talked about it he'd feel better!" She replied.
"NOOOO!! Carly, he's not going to talk about this with all the people here! If you married Jacky and he cheated on you, then told you the whole marriage was a mistake after 4 years, would you want to talk about it with a million other people?" I was getting pretty annoyed, but Carly lightened it up like she always did.
"Hm. I guess not. :( I just feel bad, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know. Just.... Don't bring it up okay?"
"Boy, you're awfully protective of him ;D"
"Am not.." I denied. I knew she would do this. It made me giggle a little though, maybe because I knew it was at least a little true.
"Oh yeah? Because, instead of using two hand to text, you're using one hand just so you can keep holding on to his arm.." She had a point. Damn.
"What? O.O Uh, should I let him go? Is this weird? Do you think he noticed? I didn't mean to keep doing it.. I just forgot to let go I guess.." My face turned a light shade of pink, I could feel it. Carly saw it too. This was why I was so glad that Jacky kept talking to Nick. Neither of them had a clue what was going on.
"No! Keep it there. See what he does."
"That's terrible! Why would I do that?"
"Because! Then you can see if he likes you!"
"....What?"
"If he likes you, he won't say anything about it. But is he doesn't, he'll make you move or he'll move himself so you'll stop. And at the moment, it's looking good for you!"
"NO Carly. He's still married. He's getting a damn divorce! I WILL NOT EVEN GO THERE. No."
"Aw you're already doing it though! Plus, if you move, you'll give him the impression that you don't like him, or that you don't want to touch, meaning no hugs or anything." She did have a point. I knew he'd think like that too.
"Damn you. Fine. But in a few minutes I'm going to go get drinks for everyone, so he doesn't think I moved because I don't like him." I put my phone away, letting Carly know I wouldn't reply if she tried to text back.
"Anyone want drinks?" I asked.
"Nope. I'm good." Carly smirked. I knew she hoped that Jacky would follow suit.
"Can you get me a Mt Dew?" Jacky asked. YES.
"Yes I can." I said, smirking at Carly who was pouting. "Nick?" I asked.
"No, it's okay. Thanks." He said. I nodded and got up to go to the kitchen.
I brought back Jacky's Mt. Dew and a water for myself, then sat back on the couch next to Nick.
Not 5 minutes later, Carly stood and pulled on Jacky's hand. "Come on! I wanna go cuddle!" She said as innocently as a child. Jacky stood up, with a big smile on his face.
"Later guys." He winked and went into Carly's room with her. Now, you'd think that they were going to go have sex or something. Odds are, they weren't. Yeah, they did sometimes, but they never did when I was home, or at least if they knew I was home. They were probably listening at the door.
I looked over at Nick and put a hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk now?" I asked. I knew he wanted to talk about it, I just didn't know if he was actually ready to or not.
"Sure." He said, staring at the floor.
I waited about 2 minutes, and he still didn't say anything. I turned his face so he'd look at me. "Talk to me." I said, quiet. I let go of his face, but he didn't turn away.
"Okay." He said, then spilled his guts about everything. He talked about pretty much the same things that he said before, except this time, it was a little different. He expressed how he really felt, rather then just what happened. He explaining to me how this was killing him and how he wouldn't mind if someone came into his house and murdered him in his sleep. It worried me, hearing him talk like that. I was scared for him, scared that he'd try to hurt himself or something. I couldn't see anything bad happening to him.
Eventually, after all of the venting, and sometime during, he curled over and put his face in his hands. I know he didn't want me to see him cry, but I also knew that he couldn't help it.
"No.. Nick, it's okay.." I whispered to him, cradling him in my arms. He seemed to be getting mad at himself, I could see it coming. I somehow just knew that he'd react like that, and he did. When his tears stopped, his head was still resting on my shoulder, but muttering terrible nothings of how much he hates himself and what a fuck up he was.
This was a lot to take in. I never knew why he trusted me so much, or what drove him to tell me anything in the first place, but whatever that was, brought us here. I lifted up his face so he's look at me, he seemed so ashamed. I pressed my cheek to his, feeling old tears that stained his face.
I eventually moved my face to a place that made us both nervous. Our lips too close for comfort, but at the same time, too far away for liking. I wanted to kiss him, but I knew I shouldn't . I knew that it was a bad idea, he was married. He was a stranger. He was.. Kissing me.
I felt his soft lips brush against mine, and.. Bam.
My heart felt like it stopped beating, when in reality it beat faster then ever before. I couldn't believe I was kissing a married man, let alone someone I just met. But the kiss wasn't so innocent. It felt innocent, of course, but it lasted much longer then a "I'm upset so I'm going to kiss you to make myself feel better" kind of thing. It seemed.. Real. Perfect.