Happiness For A Pessimist

I started working again the night everyone left. My mind was occupied with John, everything that happened these last two days felt like a dream. It felt so unreal, I was never expecting to run into John at all. "What's wrong with you?" my client growled lifting my head up by my hair. He was thrusting into me roughly which hurt to much causing me to wince. "Hmm tell me." he panted lifting my head up high causing me to whimper.

"Stop." I whispered. "Just stop." I cried pushing him off me. He tumbled over falling next to me on the bed. He glared at me before pulling me up by the hair and punching me in the face. "You're a fucking waste you know that." he hissed continuing to beat me. "You could die right now and no one would miss you." he added dropping me to the floor. He got dressed and threw five dollars at me before leaving me alone in the hotel room.

I rested my head on the carpet floor and curled up into fetal position. I began to rock back and forth as I sobbed. He's right, if I died no one would miss me. My dad has no clue where I am at and John and the others are to busy with going on tour and making music and my cousins, they have no idea what's going on. I sat up gently and pulled myself off the floor. I grabbed my jeans pulling out my wallet where my razor was kept.

I pressed the razor to my wrist and sliced through it watching as the blood bubbled up and spilled over. Seconds later I was sitting in a pool of my own blood. I smiled contently an rested my head on the headboard of the bed. I knew any second now I'd be fading into darkness so I shut my eyes and pictured myself in a much happier place.

John

I sat in the front of the back of the bus watching a movie with Pat and Garrett, holding my pillow pet. Everyone was silent and we were heading to our next venue after performing somewhere else. I was worried about Haven however, he doesn't seem like he's better and with everything I witnessed in the short amount of time I was with him didn't seem to reassure me.

"Can we please watch something else?" Garrett begged pouting slightly.

Suddenly my phone rang. I quickly reached for it and stared at the number, a hospital was calling me. "Hello?" I mumbled into the phone slightly curious as to what was happening.

"John, is this John O' Callaghan?" a women asked in a slightly rushed voice. I hummed in response. "We track down your number from Haven's phone, it was the only one in his contacts. We have Haven in the hospital, he tried to kill himself." she said.

I was speechless, completely dumbfounded. "W-why?" I asked pathetically.

"We need you to come down St. Rose hospital please." she said completely ignoring my only question.

"Of course I'll be there soon." I whispered before hanging up. I took a shaky deep breath before looking down to Pat and Garrett. "We need to go back to Haven." I whispered.

"What why?" Pat asked sitting up suddenly worried.

"He's in the hospital." I said hurrying to the front of the bus to tell the driver to turn back.

"John what the fuck are you doing!" Tim yelled once the bus was heading back. "We need to go back Haven tried to kill himself and I was the only person he kept in contact with and I have to be there when he wakes up." I screamed.

Tim sighed and nodded his head softly before disappearing into bunk area. I sighed deeply and fell onto the couch, I knew Haven wasn't happy. He's no t the same, he's never been the same since the first time I left him when he was only 13. I ruined Haven and he has yet to be healed.

It took almost a full day to get back to Haven. Once we arrived at the hospital I rushed in and to the nurse station desperate to hear the latest news on Haven. "Excuse what's wrong with Haven?" I asked the women at the front desk.

"Are you John, the man I spoke to on the phone?" she asked. I nodded and she gave me a curt nod before leading me to Haven's room. She opened the door and Haven laid in his bed bandages wrapped tightly around his wrist. "He was found in a hotel room bleeding to death by the hotel clerk, he got complaints from some other guests so he went in to check it out. He was lying naked on his bed. We checked him out and found semen in him from multiple men, his whole body was covered in bruises as well. We don't know what happened to him." she said softly. "We do have him in a stable condition however and we managed to stitch up his wounds." she sid smiling softly at me.

"What do you suggest?" I asked walking over to Haven and taking his limp hand in mine.

"I suggests sending him to a psychiatric hospital, in fact the nearest one is on the 6the floor. You can go check it out if you like see if it's suitable." she said handing me papers.

"And what if I think that's not best?" I asked.

"Well then you need to watch him, make sure he's taking his anti-depressants and visiting a therapist regularly."

"But I'm on tour." I whispered. "How can he see a therapist if we're constantly moving?"

She sighed, "Then I suggest a impatient treatment."

"You don't get it." I suddenly yelled. "Haven wouldn't want that, it'd make everything worse. He want's to be with friends right now, people he loves and trusts. Not strangers." I said.

I could tell the doctor was getting slightly annoyed at this point, "Then find a therapist that's willing to meet your schedule. Haven is what's important and should be your first priority at this point." she hissed before storming off.

I sighed lightly before turning to Haven, noticing he was staring right at me. "Haven." I whispered softly. "How are you feeling?" I asked softly.

Haven began to cry, tears leaking from his beautiful doe eyes. "I-I'm s-sorry." he cried gripping onto my hand. "I-I'm s-s0 s-sorry." he sobbed pulling me closer to him and clinging onto my shirt. I wrapped my arms securely around his shoulder and held him even closer.

"It's ok Haven, it's going to be ok." I whispered brushing my fingers through his short hair as I hummed softly to him hoping it will calm him down.

"Don't l-leave me John." he whispered softly.

"I promise I won't."