Happiness For A Pessimist

I sat on the couch in the front of the bus with a blank wrapped around me. I was numb, completely and utterly numb. A worker found me on the floor, which was humiliating but I begged him not to call anyone. I told him I was fine, that it was normal. I dressed and hurried to the bus where I was left to wallow in my misery.

"What the hell Haven, I gave you one job one fucking job and you couldn't do it. You left Issac all alone out there." Tim yelled storming into the bus. I instantly flinched because he was screaming at me the mention of Issac just sent chills down my spine.

"Leave him alone Tim he's still recovering." John said coming to me and sitting next to me wrapping his arms around my waist. I quickly pulled away and hurried to my bunk.

I curled into a ball and tugged at my hair desperately wanting to disappear. I didn't cry though, crying over this would be pointless. "Hey Haven someone's waiting for you outside the bus." Jared called from the front of the bus. I sighed and hopped off the bunk before walking to the front where the guys where gathered. I ignored them and headed out the bus closing the door behind me.

"Hello Haven." a chilling voice whispered grabbing my arms and pulling me aside.

"Leave me alone." I hissed trying to pull away but he pulled me somewhere separate and secluded.

"I just couldn't get enough of you." he chuckled dryly pushing me onto the ground and crawling over me.

"What the hell is wrong with you." I hissed trying to push him off with my hands and feet.

"I like you Haven, strong yet vulnerable." he added kissing my face. "You think you can defend yourself yet you're a pathetic little whore." he mumbled undoing my jeans and pushing them down.

"I could fuck you all the time and you wouldn't do shit about it. You'd just lock yourself into the bathroom and slit your little wrist." he said pushing into me roughly.

I screamed loudly my voice cracking and fading into nothing. I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks as he thrusts into me roughly. "S-stop." I whimpered.

"Don't you like this Haven hmm you like this don't you." he laughed grabbing my erection. "Yeah you do look at you, getting hard pathetic slut." he hissed pushing hard into my causing me to cry. He finished quickly and left me there on the ground, probably bleeding.

I watched as his figure disappeared into the night before pulling up my pants and hurrying back to the bus. I pushed opened the door and hurried to the bathroom slamming the door behind me and turning the shower on. I cried softly letting the water wash over me. I could see the blood go down the drain proving that the hurt me worse then I ever have been before.

"H-Haven are you ok." John asked softly from the other side of the door.

"Go away John." I yelled. "Just go away." I cried curling into a tighter ball.



"Here's the phone." John mumbled to me handing me his cell phone. I knew who it would be, none other than my therapist. I got off the couch and walked to my bunk closing the curtain behind me.

"Hey doc." I mumbled lying my head on the pillow.

"How have you been Haven?"

"Bad, really bad doc." I whispered. Just thinking back on the last week makes me shuddered. Since Issac raped me that first time he's always finding me and continues to do it hurting me and telling me that I'll love him one day.

"Why's that?"

"I'm one tour with John's band and I love it and I love him but there's this guy here." I said softly.

"Do you have feelings for this guy?"

"No never, I hate him he's destroying me." I whispered feeling the tears leak from my eyes.

"What do you mean by that?"

"He's raping me doc. Every chance we're alone or I'm alone he does it and it hurts and I don't know what to do." I cried chewing on my thumb to stop from sobbing.

The doctor was quiet for awhile as I let out one sob. I quickly bit my lip and took a shaky deep breath. "Why haven'y you told anyone Haven?"

"Because I can't." I whispered. "I can't, I'm scared I'm so scared." I cried softly.

"Is John there?" doc asked.

"You're not going to tell him are you?" I asked with worry.

"I can't, this all confidential but this concerns your safety." doc said. I sighed and pushed open the curtain instantly seeing John standing there with tears in his eyes.

"John." I whispered softly.

"Why didn't you tell me what he was doing." John screamed. "I could of helped you Haven." John said.

I handed him the phone before running out the bus. I ran and ran and found myself in the venue, it was an off day so no one was really hanging around. I sat in one of the seats letting out a shaky breath before bringing my knees up to my chest.

"Well if it isn't Haven." Issac laughed walking toward me.

"I'm done with you Issac, I'm not letting you touch me anymore." I said standing up and standing my ground.

"That's what you say every time." Issac laughed coming to me and taking my hand in his bringing me closer to him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I screamed and pulled away.

Suddenly Issac's eyes darkened as he stormed over to me and pushed me to the floor. I quickly pushed him off and punched him in the face causing him to stumble back. Issac held onto his nose a dark laugh echoing the rooms. "You finally got guts." he said stalking over to me and pushing me against a wall causing the air to escape my lungs. "I want to fuck you so bad Haven." he laughed the blood slipping into his mouth.

"I think you've had enough of that." a third voice spoke up. I looked over Issac's shoulder to see John, Kennedy and Tim standing there. Issac's hands moved up to my throat beginning to choke me.

"Don't touch him." John screamed rushing over to us. I could feel myself getting light headed as I tried to push him away desperately needing air. But this seemed to trigger Issac causing him to tightened his grip.

Finally John pried his hands off me and I instantly fell to the floor. I was gasping for air as everything around me started to black out. I could see John punched Issac once more before Tim grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him out.

"Haven, Haven are you ok?" John whispered holding onto me. "It's ok Haven it'll be alright."



"Felling better?" John asked sitting next to me on the couch. It's been a day or so since the Issac incident, for a while I was convinced John wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. Of course John stuck with me, not caring that I had been used and abused.

"Much." I whispered resting my head on his shoulder.

"So I have good news." John said pulling me into his lap. "At this time tomorrow we'll be back home, where your cousins will be waiting for us."

"I'm nervous." I mumbled looking down at my lap. "It's been years since I've seen them, what if they don't like what I've become." I asked looking up to John.

"I can assure you they'll still love you." John said kissing my jaw lightly.

"J-John." I whispered softly biting on my lips nervously. "I want to make love with you." I said looking to him. "W-we never have and I've n-never m-made love before." I mumbled awkwardly looking over to him.

"I would be honored to Haven." John smiled kissing my lightly.

"Let's do it now, please now." I begged standing up and trying to take him to the bunk area.

"Haven no, I want our first time to be perfect." John said bringing me back onto his lap. I sighed and curled into his side smiling contently. It felt good to finally have everything at peace, like everything was perfect.

"John I love you." I whispered. "I love you I love you I love you and I always will." I giggled holding him tightly.

"You're happy aren't you?" John asked. "And I love you too babe, forever and always."