Happiness For A Pessimist

“Haven!” someone screamed followed by someone jumping onto me. Pain shot through my body and I screeched in pain pushing the person off and holding my sides. I could feel tears leaking from the corner of my eyes as I glanced up.

Pat stared at me with fear etched on his face, “H-Haven?” he questioned softly sitting on the edge of my bed. “A-are you ok?” he finally asked.

I took a shaky deep breath wincing at the pain when my lungs expanded and pressed against my ribs, “Yeah.” I breathed out slowly pulling the covers off my body. “Where is everyone?” I asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Well Miles has a hangover so he’s stayed home with John. And Kennedy, Jared and I came to pick you up. The front door was open so we let ourselves in.” Pat shrugged.

I stared at him with wide eyes, is dad home? What would he do if he saw everyone? He’d call me a slut and beat me for sure when everyone was gone. “Is m-my d-dad here?” I whispered softly just in case my dad was lurking around my room and could hear me.

“I don’t think so,” Pat said. “There was no car in the drive way if that helps.” He said smiling.

I smiled and let out a shaky breath, “Good.” I’m saved.

“I didn’t know Haven had a sister.” Kennedy suddenly said from the door of my room.

I looked up to the door of my bedroom to see Kennedy there smirking at my room. I narrowed my eyes at him, “Hey this is my room.” I told him crossing my arms over my chest.

Kennedy chuckled and came over to me patting me on the back, “Sorry, I just I never understood your, um, girly sense in things.” He shrugged lying back against the bed fluffing the pillows underneath him. He grabbed the remote and turned on the t.v. kicking his shoes off.

I continued to stare at him with my arms still crossed over my bruised chest, “What are you doing?” I asked Kennedy.

“Watching t.v, hey do you have any food?” He asked. “He look it’s us!” Kennedy called and we all turned to the t.v where MTV had an interview with The Maine.

“I remember that.” Pat sighed falling on the bed and reaching for one of my many stuffed animals and clutching it to his chest.

John was talking right now, smiling and laughing at something the interviewer said. I rolled my eyes and huffed in anger and stood up limping toward my dresser. “You ok there buddy?” Kennedy asked.

I glanced over to him smiling reassuringly and nodding, “Yeah, I tripped over the end table in the hall on the way home from the party.” I told him making the best lie I’ve ever said before.

“That drunk?” Jared asked entering the room and sitting on my computer chair.

“Yeah.” I said stretching out the word. I pulled out a pair of washed out black skinnies, a band tee and a hoodie. I walked into my bathroom closing the door behind me; I walked to the shower and started it letting the water get warm before stripping off my clothes from last night. I examined my body in the full size mirror behind the door and frowned.

My whole torso was filled with odd black blue bruises. My arms had small bruises and my neck had a large one carrying down to my shoulder and chest. My forearms carried dark red gashes stretching up to my shoulder, self-inflicted. I sighed and stepped into the shower letting the water wash down my bruised my body.

I stepped out and dried my body off and slipped on my clothes before drying my hair and running a comb through it. I adjusted the sleeves on my arms and grabbed my cover up from the drawer under the sink and applied it to the visible part of my neck. Once I finished I sighed staring at myself in the mirror, I looked hideous no wonder John didn’t want me. My skin is to pale, and it looks even more pale with my dark hair that falls straight into my eyes.

“You almost done in there, Garrett called and said we’re going out for breakfast.” Jared said knocking slightly on the door.

“Y-yeah.” I mumbled running my boney fingers through my hair one last time. How am I going to get out of eating breakfast? I can’t lie and say I already at, Kennedy woke me up.

I pulled my sleeves over my knuckles and opened the door stepping into my black and purple room. “ready.” I told them grabbing my phone and iPod off my desk. We all headed out of the room and down the stairs. I glanced and the dark hardwood floor as we neared the bottom of the staircase and I could see the small droplets of blood. I reached to the back of my head feeling a small gash where my father banged my head on the floor.

“Ok so the guys said they’ll meet us at iHop.” Jared said sitting in the passenger seat. I took a seat in the back unwrapping my iPod and sticking the earphones in my ears. I pressed played and listened to Panic at the Disco softly humming along to the song.

We arrived to iHop fifteen minutes later. I stared at the entrance spotting out group waiting patiently and talking to one another. Kennedy parked and quickly got out, followed by Jared. I slowly unbuckled myself and followed behind the two guys, my hands stuffed in my pockets.

“Finally you guys took forever.” Garrett said greeting his band mates.

“Blame it on Haven, the kid takes longer than a girl getting ready.” Kennedy said.

I blushed and looked down to my shoes covering my face with my hair. “S-sorry.” I apologized.

“It’s ok, let’s just go in and eat.” Jared said hurrying to the entrance. I stood behind the group, John next to me. He was busy texting on his phone not even giving me a second glance.

“Party of eight.” Jared told the lady standing behind the podium.

“Any children?” she asked glancing to me before turning back to Jared.

Everyone chuckled and looked over to me causing me to blush immensely. “A kids menu though.” I said to her.

She smiled at me and nodded, “Follow me.”

We all got a back booth and I ended up sitting next to John. I fiddled with the napkin in front of me as everyone ordered their drinks. I bite my lip scanning the kids menu wondering which dish had the least calories.

“Haven.”

I looked up noticing everyone was staring at me. “Water please.” I whispered.
“Ice or no ice?”

“Ice.” I answered softly still staring at the menu. “Excuse me,” I asked the waitress before she left. She turned to me holding her little pad and pen. “Do you have the calorie count for this.” I asked biting my lip nervously as I held up the kid’s menu.

“Sorry honey.” She apologized heading back to the kitchen.

I frowned and stared at the menu, pancakes have a lot of calories. But so does the egg and bacon breakfast. The pancake dish is filled of sugar which turns into fat, but it had fruit. The egg and bacon dish has too much protein which isn’t really good. Maybe I should just order a small side dish, like the fruit. Fruit has natural sugars and hardly any calories.

“Haven.”

I looked up from the menu glancing at everyone. They were waiting for me to order again. I stared down at the menu, maybe I should get the bacon and eggs then excuse myself to the restroom. “The bacon and eggs.” I whispered.

“And what side dish would you like?” the waitress asked.

“Mixed fruit.” I mumbled.

Everyone stared at me with concern as we waited for our food, but I didn’t care. I grabbed the crayons that came with my menu and began coloring my place mat.

Everyone was talking about other things, like the tour and stuff. John sat next to me obsessively texting people. I glanced up to him as he took a sip of his juice. He looked over to me with a blank expression, “What do you want?” he asked.

I bite my lip and looked down to my color sheet. He still doesn’t remember me? I thought he forgot me because he was drunk, but maybe he really did forget me. Pat, who was sitting on my opposite side grabbed a crayon and helped me with a maze on the paper while we waited for our food.

“So Haven, old are you now?” Garrett asked.

“Fifteen.” I mumbled.

“What grade are you in?”

“I’m a sophomore.” I pouted. “But I’m gonna be sixteen soon.” I added smiling widely.

Everyone chuckled and our food came. I started down at my brown and yellow plate and felt like gagging. It all looked so disgusting; it didn’t even look home cooked. Everyone dug into their food, everyone but me. I picked at my eggs, ripped apart my bacon but didn’t dare put any of it in my mouth. I grabbed my napkin and scooped some of it into my napkin, hoping no one saw.

“What are you doing?” John asked staring at me like I’m a complete freak.

“N-nothing.” I mumbled setting my napkin aside and continued picking at my food not daring to look up to him. I heard him mumble freak under his breath as he continued eating.

I felt tears pricking at my eyes but quickly wiped them away, I refused to cry in front of everyone. To them I’m the saw innocent Haven that they knew before they left and I wanted them to continue to think that.

“Haven are you finished yet?” Noel asked, talking to me for the first time since we got here.

I nodded softly pushing my small plate away. “Yeah.”

Noel stared at me a bit unsure of everything, “Eat at least half of that.” he said.

I looked up to him with wide eyes, “What?” I asked. “N-no.” I whined crossing my arms over my chest.

“Haven eat more than that, you’re going to get anemic.” Miles spoke up.

I shook my head bite down on my lip and keeping my arms crossed. “No.” I said turning my head away.

“My god you annoy brat, eat your fucking food and stop being a whiny bitch. You’re not five anymore so stop acting like it.” John suddenly snapped staring at me hate in his eyes.

I felt my bottom lip tremble and I quickly pushed past him, tripping over him and falling to the floor. I stared at him with embarrassment with tears streaming down my flushed cheeks. He rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his phone. Noel quickly came to me trying to help me to my feet but I brushed him off, standing up and running out the restaurant.

I ran and ran not stopping even my lungs were burning and my legs were on fire. My ribs were killing me still, which I’ve gotten use to after taking a bunch of Tylenol. I stopped at a park and walked to a swing sitting on it and catching my breath.

More tears continued to fall from my eyes as I checked the time on my phone. It would be getting late soon and I didn’t even know where I was. Dad would kill me if I wasn’t there when he got home again.

“Hey.”

I looked up at stared at John as he took a seat next to me on the swing. I continued to stare, “What.” I snapped.

He looked a bit taken back, “Just wanted to apologize.” He said throwing his hands up in a defensive matter.

“Did Noel make you?” I asked under my breath.

“Yeah, he kinda did.” John admitted kicking his feet a bit. “Everyone made me apologize.”

“Don’t you remember me?” I asked softly knowing I’m getting way off topic. “John, I know you remember.” I added staring at him as he stared straight ahead.

“I told you kid, I don’t fucking know you.” He said chuckling a bit. “Get that through your thick skull.” He mumbled under his breath.

“Yes you do!” I screamed standing up. I quickly grimaced at the pain that shot through my body. I held onto my side trying to straighten my composer. I looked back up to John, “You loved me.” I whispered softly.

He rolled his eyes, “I’m not a faggot.” He spat at me. “I’m going to tell you one more time kid, nothing happened between us.” He sneered.

Without thinking I threw myself at him, letting out lips touch. He tenses underneath me but quickly pushed me off. I squeaked and fell to the floor clutching my ribs; I stared up to him with tears brimming my eyes, “John.” I whispered.

“Don’t ever do that again you stupid fag.” He hissed walking over me and leaving the small park.

And so he left me yet again.