Happiness For A Pessimist

I kicked the pebbles under my feet as I walked toward the school. Monday mornings never sits well with me; it’s always the worst day of the week right after Tuesday. I hugged my sweater closer to me as I walked toward the main corridor.

The inside of the school looked dead, students walked like zombies heading to their lockers and classes. I giggled a bit and walked to my own locker. I grabbed my morning books before heading toward my first class.

After first period Science, I have gym which really isn’t fun. I walked toward the locker rooms avoiding the area where the jocks like to hang out, which is near the boy’s locker room. I ducked my head down letting my hair fall over my eyes and I approached the locker rooms, but of course they still noticed me.

“Hey faggot!” one of the jocks called.

I tried to ignore them but they kept calling me. I felt myself being jerked backwards followed by someone punching me in the gut. I fell to the floor holding onto my sides crying silently as they continued to use me as a punching bag.

Finally they finished and left when the bell rang. I quickly picked myself off the floor limped toward the nearest bathroom. I examined myself in the mirror; I could already see a bruise forming on my jaw and my eye. I frowned and lifted my shirt, my father’s bruises turned into an ugly yellow green color but jock’s left behind some ugly bruises.

I walked into a stall closing the door behind me and latching it into place before grabbing taking out my razor. Just a few cuts and I’ll be able to handle the rest of the day without losing my sanity.

-

The last bell rang and I stood up from my seat and headed out the class. I walked through the crowded halls toward the junior hall to find Miles. I got to his locker and waited patiently for him scanning the crowd of students.

I spotted Miles walking toward me, his hands in his pockets and one earphone in his ear. I smiled softly and watched as he put his things in his locker before turning to me, “Hey I’m going to Kennedy’s house right now, John’s picking me up.” Miles said pulling out a book and examining it before putting it back. “Want to come?” he asked looking over to me while closing his locker.

I bite my lip and glanced around the hall, “N-no I s-should probably go h-home.” I muttered hurrying down the hall. I held my books close to my chest and hurried out the school building.

I arrived home quickly, faster than I ever have before. I slammed the door behind me and walked to the couch falling onto it, that was more running I’ve ever done.

“Haven!” my father called loudly.

I quickly jumped up and waited for my dad to enter the living room. He walked in with a young blond women attached at his hip. Her long blond hair was curled and sat on her shoulders; her lipstick was bright red and clashed against her yellow teeth.

“Haven this is Krista, she’s my wonderful fiancé.” Dad said smiling widely and snaking his arm around her waist.

I bite my lip and stared at him with wide eyes, “W-what?” I asked although I knew exactly what he said.

“You stupid child did you not hear what he said.” Krista suddenly spoke up snarling at me. I cringed a bit at her harsh voice and mumbled a quick sorry.

My dad smirked and kissed Krista softly on the mouth, “Go upstairs, and don’t come down until tomorrow morning.” My dad instructed. “Krista’s parents are coming for dinner and I’d rather you not be seen.” He added glaring at me.

I quickly nodded and rushed up the stairs; as long as my father doesn’t lay a hand on me tonight then I’m very much happy being locked away in my room. I quickly and quietly closed my door before running to my bed and falling on top of it. I sighed loudly and held my unicorn toy to my chest, since the guys got back Miles and Noel have been hanging out with them nonstop.

They completely forgot about me, their cousin. I sighed again and grabbed the remote off my bed and turned on the t.v watching old episodes of Friends. Half way through my 3rd episode my phone rings loudly.

I jump and quickly reach for it, “Hello.” I mumble.

“Haven we’re all coming to get you and take you out because you never like to hang out with us.” Pat screeched into the phone.

“No.” I scream a little too quickly. “I’ll meet you there.” I quickly whispered.

“Ok come over to John’s house, remember where it’s at?”

“Yeah.” I whispered nodding my head softly. “Be there soon.”

I quickly hung up and grabbed my iPod and Chiodos’s hoodie before slipping silently out my bedroom leaving the t.v and lights on so my dad thinks I’m still in there. Downstairs I can hear chattered and meaningless talking between my dad and who I assume is Krista’s parents.

Silently I walk down the stairs trying not to make any noise. I peeked around the wall to make sure they aren’t in the living room and sigh in relief when I see it’s empty. As I walk toward the front door I hear loud footsteps and stop.

“Haven.” My father whispers angrily.

I quickly turn around and stare at him with fear, “I’m sorry.” I quickly blurted out.
He stomped over to me opening the front door; he grabbed me by the neck and threw me out. “Don’t come home tonight.” He sneered shutting the door.

I wiped at my eyes and stood up heading down the street. I quickly rushed toward John’s house hoping my tears would stop by now, but I was wrong. I knocked on the front door wiping at my eyes but the tears continued to fall.

“Haven?”

I looked up to Kennedy and threw myself into his strong arms, sobbing like the child I am. Kennedy picked me up bridal style and took me into the house shutting the door behind him with his foot. He took me to the living room where everyone freaked out,

“Haven what happened?” I could hear Noel asking with worry.

Kennedy sat down and I quickly hid my face in the crock of his neck. “What happened to your neck Haven, there’s marks there?” Jared asked. I whimpered and curled up next to Kennedy not daring to look up.

“Haven please tell us what happened to your neck?” Garrett asked softly lightly touching my shoulder. I flinched and slowly looked up to him. “Haven, please.” He begged.

I bite my lip and rested my head on Kennedy’s chest staring at each of them until my eyes landed on John and I looked down to my lap sniffing. “It’s n-nothing.” I mumbled.

“They look like rope burns,” Garrett mumbled examining my neck. “Did you try to hang yourself?” Garrett screamed angrily.

I whimpered and hid in the crock of Kennedy’s neck again. “Haven,” Miles whispered softly. “Haven, did you try to kill yourself?”

I wasn’t sad or depressed anymore, I was angry that they would think that of me. I mean, yeah I kind of am but if I were to hang myself I would have got the job done and not coming running to them. I pulled away from Kennedy and glared at everyone, “I don’t want to die.” I screamed in anger and rushed out the house not looking back.

I ran and ran, not stopping no matter how painful it was getting. Finally I arrived at the same small park from the other day. I sat on the bench, this all felt like a déjà vu to me. I pulled my hoodie closer to my body and stared at the sky, it was getting dark soon and I’d probably have to sleep here tonight.

“Haven.”

I pulled my hood down and stared at the man before me.

John.

“What.” I whispered softly.

John didn’t say anything; instead he just sat next to me and opened his arms for me. I looked up to him and felt my heart beating faster. I crawled over to him and laid on his lap biting my lip to stop the tears. “What really happened?” he whispered softly stroking his hand through my hair.

“N-nothing.” I whimpered. “It w-was nothing.”

“Haven, please tell me.” John begged.

“It’s w-was just s-some b-bullies.” I mumbled staring at the ground underneath me. “It a-always h-happens.”

“Are you lying to me?” John asked as his arms tightened around me.

“Of course not.” I whispered looking up to him and smiling softly.

John chuckled, “Well I better take you home, it’s getting late and I promised all the guys I’d take you home.” He said standing up.

He started to walk toward the exit of the park, but noticed I wasn’t following and turned around. “Haven aren’t you coming?” he asked coming back to me.

I bit my lip and glanced down to my shoes, “I c-can’t g-go h-home tonight, I got kicked out.” I whispered.

John was silent for a a bit before speaking up, “Then you’ll stay with me.” He finally said.

I quickly looked up to him with wide eyes, “N-no I c-can’t.” I said shaking my head. I couldn’t just barge into John’s house unexpectedly. That’s rude, and he should be worrying about me.

“I insist, come on.” He said holding his hand out for me.

I sighed loudly and stood up walking over to him and holding his hand. We walked in silence and it felt nice to have him being nice to me. Maybe it was just sympathy or pity.

“Everyone went home.” John said breaking our comfortable silence. “So you don’t have to worry about being interrogated.”

“Ok.” I whispered as we walked up the pathway to his house. John unlocked the door and let me in first. I hugged myself as I waited for John to turn around and lock the door again.

“My parents are out for a few days.” John said leading me up the staircase. I followed like a lost puppy as he opened a bedroom door. “You can stay with me if you want.” He said stepping into the plain room.

I stared at the room frowning at how different it looked. There was no more poster of his favorite bands hanging on the wall or the random nick-knacks littering around. The college I helped him make when we were still together was ripped off the wall.

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” John said grabbing a blanket and pillow off his bed. “You take the bed.” He added.

I nodded and slipped off my shoes glancing up to John. He stripped off his clothes leaving him in his boxers. I bit my lip and forced myself to look away, how many times have I ran my fingers of his body?

“Are you going to sleep in your clothes?” John asked chuckling at me. “I think I have some old pajamas.” He added going to his plain white dresser. He shuffled through the drawers and pulled out a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He handed them to me and smiled before walking over to his spot on the floor.

I stood there holding the pajamas in my hands not know what to do. I don’t want to change in front of him; he’ll see all the bruises. “C-can I g-go t-to the b-bathroom?” I asked softly.

John looked up to me and nodded his head curtly standing up and heading out the room. I quickly followed behind him clutching the clothes to my chest. He showed me the bathroom and I slipped past him and into the bathroom closing the door behind me.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and put on John’s pajamas. I stared at myself in the full mirror behind the bathroom door. His pajamas where 3 sizes bigger than me almost slipping off my enormous body, I gathered my clothes and opened the door hurrying back to John’s bedroom. I silently slipped in watching as John sat by his computer on his facebook.

I bit my lip and dropped my stuff at the foot of the bed before slipping into John’s bed. I brought the covers up to my head and yawned before slipping to sleep.