Happiness For A Pessimist

"Wakey wakey!"

I jolted up from the bed and knocked heads with Pat. I groaned and rubbed my forehead, "Sorry." I whispered pulling the covers off my body. I yawned softly and stretched my arms before standing up and reaching for my clothes from yesterday.

"John went to your house to get some clothes for you this morning." Jared said entering the room with a new change of clothes.

I stared at him with wide eyes. John went to my house? That means dad met him which means I'm going get hit tonight.

"You ok Haven, it looks like you've seen a ghost." Jared chuckled handing me my clothes.

I took them and smiled softly, "Thanks." I whispered watching both Pat and Jared. "Can you guys leave." I asked. They both laughed and exited the room leaving me alone.

I slipped off my jeans before putting on a clean pair. I took off my shirt and picked up the one John brought me. It was a band t-shirt he bought me years ago, a Korn t-shirt that had short sleeves. short sleeves

"Haven are you finished yet?" Pat asked through the door knocking on it. I quickly slipped on the shirt and stared down at myself, it fits so bit now. I opened the door and followed Pat out to the living room where everyone else was gathered.

"Look who's finally up." Garrett said as I entered the living room.

I smiled softly and took a seat next to Miles on the couch. "Hi everyone." I whispered.

"Are you hungry, we saved you some food from breakfast which was like 2 hours ago." Kennedy said. "You slept really long everyone was here around 7 in the morning and you were still out." he chuckled.

I blushed softly and looked down to my lap, "I've been really tired lately." I whispered.

"It's ok, so we're going to the mall today because John said he went through your clothes and you nothing but sweaters and baggy jeans so you need more clothes." Noel said standing up to sit next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I relaxed into his touch.

"B-but I have no money." I mumbled softly.

"I'll pay." John said entering with a plate of eggs and bacon. He handed it to me and took a seat next to Pat on the couch opposite to me.

"You don't have to." I said staring down at the plate. "I like my clothes."

"Hurry and eat so we could go." Pat squealed completely ignoring my comment.

.

John walked next to me as we walked toward the entrance of the mall. John's hand continued to brush against mine, I guess he noticed because he stuffed his hand in his pocket. "You're dad looked angry this morning." John said breaking out thick silence.

I looked ahead of me to our friends who were in this small candy shop. "W-what d-did he say?"

"Nothing, just seemed upset." John shrugged. "How's your mom. I loved her she made the best food ever." John said.

I bit my lip and stared down at my lap trying to stop the tears from falling. "I t-thought y-you f-forgot about me." I whispered wiping at my eyes.

"I thought I did to, but I shouldn't of. You mean to much to me." John said reaching for my hand and holding it tightly. "I don't want to ever forget you."

I smiled and looked up to him all tears completely gone. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." he whispered brushing a few extra strands of hair from my face. "Now lets go to Urban Outfitters and get you some new clothes." He said taking my hand and pulling me up.

"What about everyone else?" I asked as he dragged me toward the store.

"They'll live." he shrugged as we entered the store. The girl behind the counter almost had a heart attack at the sight of John entering the store, I had to stop myself from laughing.

We walked over to the back wall were all the jeans were kept and stared at them. My eyes scanned over the larger sizes and I picked one up. John took it from my hands and stared at the size, "Haven this is to big, let me get you some help." he said walking away from me.

I continued to stare at the clothes. Why would he come shopping with a fat lard like me? We should just go to the plus size store instead.

"Ok so you're to small and we don't carry jeans this small in mens so you need to go to the girls section. I'm sure you'll be a size 0 in girls." she said smiling at me after pulling the measuring tape off me.

"A size 0 are you sure?" John asked in disbelief.

She nodded, "Unless he wants a size 1 to give him room to breath." she giggled walking off.

John looked to me, "How could you be so small?"

I shrugged and walked over to the girls side picking up a pair of dark skinny jeans and staring at them. "These?" I asked holding them up to John.

"Those are a size 4, get a size 1." John said scanning the racks. He found one and handed them to me before pushing me toward the dressing rooms. I entered the small room and closed the door behind me.

I stripped off my old jeans and pulled on the news one. Surprisingly they fit me perfectly but a little to baggy. I stared at myself in the mirror shocked at what I saw. My thighs weren't actually touching like I've always thought and my arms liked like skin and bones. I pulled my shirt up slightly staring at my ribs, I couldn't even say a stomach because I had none.

"You almost done?" John questioned.

"Y-yeah." I replied dropping my shirt and watching it fall over my crotch. All this time I've been staving myself to be skinny when I'm way passed skinny.

"Haven, are you ok?" John asked with concern.

I quickly opened the door and smiled and John. "Like them?" I asked.

"They fit a bit big." he said pulling the extra fabric of my jeans. "Don't worry I'll fatten you up so they fit better. Now let's go buy you more clothes." John said smiling.

.

John pulled up to my house shutting off the car. "I had a great time today." he said looking over to me.

I blushed and hid my face behind my hair, "Me too." I whispered glancing up to him through my lashes.

He pulled my chin up and stared into my eyes with a soft smile on his face. Slowly he leaned in until our lips were simply touching, "Do you mind if I kiss you?" he whispered his words hitting my lips.

"No." I whispered back. He placed a soft kiss on my lips while his hands snaked to the back of my hand pulling me closer. His tongue gazed along my bottom lip asking for entrance which I granted him. His tongue roamed the inside of my mouth causing me to release a soft moan.

John pulled away slightly causing me to whimper. He chuckled and brushed his fingers across my cheek, "I've always loved you." he whispered.

I blushed and smiled softly, "I've always loved you too."

John pulled away from me and got out the car heading to the trunk to get the bags out. I followed after him and walked behind him as we headed to my front door. I could feel my heartbeat increase as John knocked on the front door.

The door opened and there stood my father, a fake smile plastered on his aging face. "You brought back Haven." he said, still smiling.

"Yeah, sorry it's really late." John apologized.

"It's fine, Haven go inside. Krista made dinner." dad said opening the door wider for me. I could see the anger building in my father brown eyes.

I turned to John and tried to force a smile, but I knew I couldn't. My hands shook at my side as John gave me a tight hug, "See you later." he whispered against my ear.

"Bye." I mumbled wishing his could just take me to his home. John stared at me for a bit with worry in his eyes but my dad gestured me into the house before slamming the door on John.

"What was that!" my dad yelled pushing me onto the floor. "What were you doing with that boy?" he demanded.

I bite my lip and tried to block out the pain that shoot through my body each time my father kicked me. I slowly felt myself dissappear into my happy world where my mother was still alive and my dad was a kind man.

I felt myself disspear to the day where John loved me with no foundries and no complications.