Happiness For A Pessimist

I woke up in my foray with bruises covering every visible inch of my skin. I slowly picked myself off the floor and carried myself up the stairs and into my bedroom. The t.v was on and everything was just as I left it two nights ago.

I walked into my bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I had a large brusie covering my whole left cheek and trailing down to my neck. How am I suppose to hide this from John and the others?

My phone began to ring and I walked as quickly as I could to pick it up. I checked caller ID to see John's name flashing on the screen. I smiled softly and answered the phone, "Hey."

"Are you ok? I called you an hour ago but you didn't answer." he said quickly with worry thick in his voice. I looked over to my digital clock, 2:13. I'd been out for most of the day.

"Sorry I was uh, asleep." I said sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm coming over ok?" John said and I could hear him starting his car.

"No don't come!" I shrieked jumping up. I cried out in pain at the sudden movement and sank to the floor.

"Haven what happened? Are you ok? Haven what's wrong?" John asked.

"Stay away." I whimpered. "Don't come." I begged holding onto my side.

"Haven how can you say that!" John yelled. "I'm coming over right now." he said leaving no room for debate before hanging up.

I quickly dropped my phone and rushed into the bathroom. I quickly washed my face with cold water before applying as much cover-up as I could. "Fuck fuck fuck." I muttered to myself as I applied the foundation.

"Haven?"

I jumped at the sound of John's voice echoing through my house. I felt the tears drip from my eyes as I tried to apply the foundation. My whole neck was exposed which meant the bruise was viable and I haven't finished applying the foundation of my face and my arms have fresh cuts and buries.

"Oh my god Haven." John gasped from the doorway of the bathroom. I turned around to face him holding the compact and brush. "W-what happened?" he asked his voice cracking a bit.

"I t-tripped." I whispered dropping the stuff on the counter.

John made his way to me and grabbed a towel off the counter. He wiped off all my make-up and let out a soft gasp. "H-Haven w-what really happened?" he whispered as tears slipped down his cheeks.

His eyes scanned down my body stopping at my arms. He glanced up at me before taking my arms in his hands and flipping them over exposing my arms. Tears fell down his cheeks like rain as he let out a tormented sob. "Oh god."

"I-it's n-nothing." I muttered pulling my arms away.

"Haven you look like utter shit." John cried. "Please tell me what's going on." he begged bringing me into his arms.

I felt the tears bubbling up but tried to push them away. "It's ok." I assured him.

"No it's not Haven." John said looking down at me. "I want you to tell me everything." he said bringing me into my room and setting me on my bed.

"Everything?"

He nodded softly so I took a deep breath and began my story, "A few months after you left my mother died. It impacted my dad a lot so he started hitting me. That's when I started to cut myself myself." I whispered not daring to look up at him. "I'm s-sorry." I whispered.

"Haven look at me." John whispered. I didn't look up to him though, instead I stared down at my lap. "Please at me." John begged softly pulling my chin up. I looked at him feeling the tears damping my eyes. "It's not your fault." John whispered wrapping his arms around me.

"It's a-all m-my fault." I whimpered.

"Haven!" John yelled. "Stop saying that please. None of this is your fault, ok?"

I nodded and wiped at my nose, "I want to sleep." I whispered.

"Let me take you to Noel's place."

"No!" I shrieked.

John looked at me oddly, "Why not?"

"They don't know." I whispered. "They can't see me like this." I added gesturing to my bruised body.

"They have to know." John said brushing my hair back.

"Not yet." I whispered.

"You can't just live here wit this monster!" John screamed.

"I have for years already, no one was there to save me so I can handle it now." I said looking at John, he understood what I meant and looked down at his lap.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "But now you have someone to save you, so let them save you." John added kissing my lips softly.

"Can you save me after I sleep?" I asked trying to hide a giggle.

He chuckled and nodded tucking me into bed. He scooted in next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Sing to me." I mumbled scooting closer to his chest.

"I walk the tight rope,
On my way home,
You're my backbone.
I know you're somewhere close behind me.

I walk the fault line,
In a dirty field in the springtime.
I feel the wind start to remind me

Of you
And the sweet talk
On the sidewalk
It's true
All know is..."