Save your heart.

My brother's wedding was in a month. It was Sunday. My parents died a year ago.

I honestly did not want to get up from bed. I wasn't even hungry. I just wanted to stay in bed. It was lunchtime or something because food smell raped my nostrils. Someone knocked on my door.

"Special service!" He said in a happy voice. It was John. He came in with a tray of food.

"I'm not hungry." I said.

"You are."

"I can go without eating for one day."

"Are you on a strike or something?"

"I said I'm not hungry, that's all." I said and turned around.

"I've been talking with your brother." He put the tray on my nightstand and sat on the bed. Woah, that was new. I didn't know they talked to each other. "I want to take you somewhere." He knew what date today was, if that's what he meant with the 'I've been talking with your brother'.

"I'm not in the mood."

"I know. But please?"

"Is it necessary?"

"Just come. Trust me." He kissed me on the forehead and got up. He opened my closet and took jeans and a T-Shirt out of it. "You have to eat first, though."

I put on the clothes and didn't even comb my hair. My hair could look like Robert Smith's from The Cure and I wouldn't even care. I devoured the food because yes, maybe, I was a little hungry and it was delicious. That didn't mean I was happier, I was just less hungry now. John held my hand until we arrived to where his car was parked and then we got in it. I didn't like this idea of going somewhere. And I liked it far less when I recognized the road he was driving.

"You are not taking me to the cemetery, are you."

He did not answer.

"YOU ARE NOT TAKING ME TO FUCKING CEMETERY JOHN, ARE YOU." I shouted, looking at him. His face remained emotionless. He just kept driving. I kept my mouth shut, shaking my head. I was not going to get out of the car. And how would even my brother think this was a good idea too. How in hell.

We arrived and he parked.

"I'm not going." I told him.

"Listen."

"I won't."

"LISTEN, JESSIE!" He shouted and I shut my mouth once again. He started speaking softly. "It's been a year, and I know it's hard. Very hard. But I'll be by your side, I'll be there for you. Look, I'm not very religious, but wherever they are," he paused "they'll be listening. Just talk to them for a while."

I started crying. Not really hard, though.

"I don't think I can." I said sobbing.

"I think you do." John half smiled at me and got out of the car. He opened my door and held my hand when I got out too. We slowly walked towards the grave and when we were some feet away, I asked John to stay there. It was going to be really hard, but I had to do it alone. I just wanted some privacy.

When I saw both of their names engraved in the grave I started crying again. I sat down in the grass and just stared at their names. They were so young. So young to die. I was angry with fate, God or whatever rules this world. I was angry because they'd never get to see James marry the girl of his dreams or how happy John made me. They wouldn't get to be grandparents.

"I miss you so much." I quietly said, crying. "You can't even imagine." I paused because I couldn't talk. The knot in my throat turned into a sea of tears.

It took me a while to be able to talk without crying like it was the end of the world again.

"James is doing so well. You would be so proud of him." I shook my head. "He's getting married in a month." My eyes watered again and I felt the formation of another knot in my throat. "I wish you could be there. Katie is such a wonderful girl." I put my hair in a pony tail so it could be out of my face. "And then there's John." I sighed and smiled "He's the best thing that has happened to my life. He came into my life when I most needed him." I cried a little more. "You'd like him very much." I cried because they were missing all these great things that were happening in James' and I's lives and it made me really sad. "I met his mom and she's great." I smiled and shook my head. "I mean, she's not you, mom, not even close, but she's so nice to me and I like it. She's the closest to having a mother figure." I sighed and stayed quiet for a while. "I miss you and I love you. Terribly." I finally said.

I saw John slowly walking towards me. He put one of his hands on my right shoulder. "Are you okay?" He asked and I nodded. I got up and hugged him, a few tears coming out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you earlier." I said, my face buried in his chest.

"It's okay." He kissed me on the head.

"I love you." I said, now looking at him.

"I love you more." He said, kissing me on the lips.