You've Got Me, Right Where You Need

I woke up and looked around my hospital room, finding that josh had left. I looked at the clock on the table beside me and saw that it was half 12 in the afternoon. I rubbed my eyes and sat up when the door suddenly opened and Sammy walked in.

“Ahhh good you’re awake” I nodded and she gave me a glass of water and handed me 3 pills.

“What are these for?”

Sammy was checking over the machines but she stopped and looked at me when I asked her. “You don’t know” I shook my head and she sat on the edge of my bed. “Has the doctor been round to see you yet?” I shook my head again and she huffed and looked angry. “Im really sorry violet, he was supposed to come and see you yesterday to explain everything to you. Ill do my best for now, but ill get the doctor here as soon as possible” I nodded and set the pills on my lap whilst she told me what the pills did. It seemed simple enough so when she was done, I swallowed them all in one go and set the water back down. “Now I believe you have someone waiting for you, ill go get them”

Sammy left the room and I sat up a little bit more waiting for whoever it was to come it. I was hoping it would be josh, but liana walked in instead.

“Hey doll, how ya feeling today?” she asked whilst hugging me gently.

“Im alright, you? Hey don’t you have work?”

“Yeah I took the afternoon off and Im fantastic” she smiled and looked really excited. I had known liana long enough to know what this meant.

“Who is he?” I questioned raising my eyebrows slightly. She blushed slightly and lowered her head, trying to hide it.

“His name is Freddy, Freddy Watts. He came in this morning and booked in for a tattoo with me tomorrow. I swear he is the most gorgeous thing in the world.”

“So you spoke to him for like what, 2 minutes and you’re already in love?” I joked.

She jutted out her bottom lip and then laughed. “Well yeah, but tomorrow I get to spend a few hours with him. Then we’ll fall helplessly in love and have millions of kids” I laughed and shook my head slightly and she joined in to.

“What are you gonna do if he has a girlfriend?” she looked at me like she hadn’t thought about that option and then just shook her head. “Sorry” I giggled and she furrowed her eyebrows. “So what does he look like?”

Her face lit up and she told me about his “luxurious brown locks” that she wants to run her fingers through and his “bright emerald green eyes” that she could look at all day. I smiled and she told me it was love at first sight. Liana was a pretty girl and always had guys after her but id never seen her act like this over a boy before. She stayed a few more hours’ and told me Zahra and Charlie would be over later. That’s how life went on pretty much for a while. Josh texted me most days to see how I was but I hadn’t seen him since that night he came over.

Liana was head over heals with this Freddy guy. He was having a full sleeve done and had back about 5 more times. She kept telling me how perfect they were for each other and sad she was that he only had one more appointment left until he was done. Zahra was “bored shitless” at work without me and Charlie was pretty much the same, just bogged down with uni work.

My sleeping had got better. I was sleeping most night for 8 hours, but sometimes I would still wake up early. I had been in hospital for two weeks exactly, and Zahra was due to visit me that afternoon. I had just finished my lunch when she rung me.

“Hey Zahra, what’s up?”

“Ok, don’t kill me, but there’s been a emergency booking and I cant get away, im so, so sorry”

“Hey its alright don’t worry about it, just don’t work to hard”

“Ill try, ill come see you later ok?”

“Sure thing,”

“Alright, I better go, bye babe”

“See ya” I ended the call only for it to ring once again. I looked at the caller id to see it was josh. I got a lump in my throat which I tired to swallow whilst I answered. “Hey josh”

“Hey vi, I was wondering if I could come and see you today.”

“Um yeah, Zahra just cancelled on me so I could use the company”

“Awesome, ill be over soon,”

“Ok, bye”

“Bye”

I looked down at myself and frowned. I was out of that awful hospital gown, but what I was in now didn’t look much better. Liana had bought me over some stuff that she thought id be comfortable in. I hadn’t made much effort today, but now I was starting to regret it. I had on a big grey hoody, grey leggings and thick knitted cream socks.

My hair was a big greasy mop on my head so I reached for a hair band and tied it up on my head. When I was done, there was a knock on the door and joshed head popped around the door.

“Hey” he sung, before wandering through her room and to the chair he had occupied last time he was here. His hair was better than the last time he was here. It looked brushed and straight, but still messy in a way. He was dressed a lot better too. He had light blue skinny jeans on with a white tee with the words ‘down but not out’ printed in big letters over the front and blue vans, plus a grey hoody. I felt like a tramp in comparison. “Sorry I haven’t been to see you, its been busy with all the album stuff. So how ya feelin’?”

He seemed in a very good mood, and for some reason it made me feel better, like it was contagious. “Yeah im alright, just bored.”

“You wanna go get a coffee or something, go for a walk?”

“Sounds good” I smiled and pulled my converses on. I hadn’t been for a walk since the day before so my legs felt pretty weak, but I carried on. We walked down to where the lift was, and when we got there, there was a big crowd.

“I would suggest the stairs but I don’t think id make it” josh smiled.

“its ok, I don’t think I would either” I would usually take the stairs, cause lifts are my worst nightmare. I felt claustrophobic inside them, and then the doors don’t open at the right time and you think you’re trapped. I shuddered at the thought and we joined the back of the queue. Everyone piled in to the lift, but be decided to wait for the next one. When it finally arrived another crowd of people had joined, so we all had to squeeze inside. Josh and I were right in the back right hand corner. I could feel my heart speed up because I was so close to him and took some deep breaths to calm down. Josh thought I was panicking cause we were in such a small space, so he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him.

“Its ok, we’re almost there” he whispered into my hair, only loud enough for me to hear. My arms were at my side, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap them around him, but I couldn’t really move so I just rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating, and it was going a little bit fast, I figured he must not like lifts as well. I went to look up at him, when the lift suddenly stopped and the doors opened. He dropped his arms from around me, and grabbed my hand before pulling me out of the lift. As soon as I was out I took a deep breath of fresh air and felt josh tighten his grip around my hand.

“You alright” I just nodded in response and he pulled me along to the small café near the front of the hospital. We ordered two coffees’s, to which josh demanded he pay for, and sat down. I’d have a few coffees’ over the past weeks, but they were just from the woman who came around the wards making them. They were usually half cold and tasted of dishwater. This one though, it was like heaven in a cup. I felt it travel through me and warm me up. I smiled to myself lightly and josh started laughing. I looked up at him and he was about to say something when his phone started to ring.

He looked at the caller and his eyes popped open. “Im really sorry, I’ll be 2 secs” I just nodded and he stood up. “Hey…” I heard him say as he waked outside. He was still in my view so I watched him pace around for a bit, laughing every so often, before he walked back inside. “Alright, ill see you later, bye babe… ahaaa love you too” he slid back into the chair and took a sip from his coffee. “Sorry about that, my girlfriend went to my house but I’m not there”

“Its alright” I said, smiling on the outside, but on the inside I wanted to die. I don’t know why I thought I had a chance with him now, but for some reason I held out a tiny bit of hope. But now my dreams had been crushed. He had a girlfriend. “What’s she like, your girlfriend I mean?” I don’t know why I asked, but for some reason it seemed important.

“Its Hanna, you remember Hanna from school right? Hanna Warnes”

Ahhh yes Hanna Warnes. Her and josh had been on and off for years. And I mean years. Im talking from when they first met in year 7. They had broken up and made up more times than josh had had detention, which was often. Admittedly, they were cute together, and Hanna was a really lovely girl. That considered still didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Yeah I remember her. How long have you been together for?”

“Um pretty much since we left high school. We said we’d give it proper go this time, no more stupid arguments like before” I just nodded and stirred my coffee. “Are you ok?” he asked, trying to look into my eyes.

“Im fine” im smiled.

“No your not, what’s up?” It was odd that he could read me so well, and kind of annoying.

“I guess im just kinda tired” he eyed me in way that told me he didn’t believe me, but he nodded. We quickly chugged down the last of out coffees before making out way back to where the lifts were.