You've Got Me, Right Where You Need

He grabbed my hand again once we were inside, and squished up against the wall. We walked back to my room in silence, and when we were inside I slipped my shoes off and laid back down on top of the sheets.

Instead on sitting in the chair he usually did, he said on the edge of my bed. He took my hand once again, and looked right at me. “Are you sure you’re just tired?”

No im not. Im stuck inside this stupid place, when I feel like there’s nothing wrong with me, and I have no idea when im getting out. I miss my home, and my room, and I miss just being normal with my friends. I even miss work a little bit. I feel like a burden on everyone cause they always come and visit me when they don’t need to, and the straw that broke the camels back is that I thought you actually cared about me, when you just feel sorry for me, that’s the only reason you’re here.

I didn’t want my voice to break, and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, so I just nodded, but a few tears slipped out. I turned my head away from him and used my free hand to wipe my eyes. I could feel josh moving next to me, and when I looked at him he was kicking his shoes off. He then let go of my hand and stood up to face me. “Move up” he said, a slight smiled playing on his lips. I moved along to the edge of the bed, and he climbed on top next to me.

He pulled me up by my shoulders and then laid he arm behind me, before pulling me into him. I rested my head on his chest, feeling the tears come faster. I didn’t know why I was crying. I guess everything had got too much. when your by yourself for a long time with nothing to do, you sit and think. your mind comes up with all these absurd things but to me, they made sense. Josh used the hand that was under me to rub my shoulder and the other one he draped across my waist. I could feel his legs pressing up against my own.

I cried into his shirt, heck I probably got a little bit of snot on there too, but I really didn’t care. I held onto him for dear life and tried to get rid of all the emotion I’d been bottling up for the past weeks. Josh just held me and shushed me. After a while he realised I wouldn’t be stopping any time soon, so he just rested his lips against my forehead and held me closer.

I cried and cried until there was nothing left to let out anymore. It was silent for a few minutes, and he just held me, rubbing my arm and trying to make me feel better. Soon enough he reached into his pocket pulled out a tissue and handed it to me. I laughed lightly and took it, wiping my eyes, and blowing my nose. I know it sounded discussing, but I needed to do it.

“Sorry you had to see that” I sniffed. I felt josh shake his head.

“You don’t have to say sorry about anything. Are you gonna tell me what really wrong now? Cause I don’t think ive every cried that much cause I was tired” he joked. And then he kissed my forehead.

I could feel my cheeks begin to burn at the small gesture, and even after he had moved his lips away I could still feel them. I know he had only kissed my forehead, but to me, this was massive. I tried to speak, but made no sound. Josh looked down at me with a confused look on his face.

“Violet?”

“Yeah sorry um” he’d just caused me to have a mental breakdown and he didn’t even know. I cleared my throat and racked my brain, trying to think of what to say. I couldn’t tell him all of the truth, because he’d think I was weird, so I told him a little bit. “Im just fed up of being here. They don’t tell me anything, and when I ask when I can go home, they just change the subject. Im 21 and they treat me like a child in here. I just wanna go home” I could feel the tears being to creep up again, and my voice began to break towards the end. Josh just held me tighter and shushed me again. I was determined not to cry again, but a few tears silently slipped out.

“Its ok, if you want I’ll go an-“

“Hey, hey vi, you… oh sorry” Zahra burst through the door to find me and josh just lying there.

“its ok” josh said whilst sitting up, and pulling me along with him. He jumped off the bed and went to the door. “im just gonna talk to the nurse, ill be back in a bit” he smiled before leaving the room. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them whilst Zahra sat on the end of my bed.

“what?” I questioned as she just sat there staring at me. she suddenly tilted her head and looked at me properly.

“have you been crying?” I just nodded and she moved closer to me, throwing her arm around my shoulders and I rested my head on hers. “what’s up?”

“just having a bad day”

“looked pretty good from where I was sitting” she joked and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

“I just wanna go home” I admitted and Zahra nodded next to me. “I thought you were coming later?”

“oh I managed to get away a little early.” The door opened and josh came back in with the Sammy.

“Urh Zahra, I’m going to the shop, you wanna come?” josh asked, raising his eyebrows at her. Thankfully she got the hint and they both left the room.

“so, your friend tells me you wanna go home” she said. She didn’t sound like I thought she would, she sounded almost sad.

“um yeah, I just, I feel fine now, and my sleeping is normal now. I just feel like im taking up this space when someone else might really need it. I just don’t understand why im still here”

She smiled slightly and cocked her head to the side. “we’ve kept you in this long to monitor your recovery, sort of like an experiment. You’re very young to have got in such a bad way and we’re still trying to determine what’s actually causing you not being able to sleep.” I nodded slightly, realising what she was saying. I’m gonna be here forever. “How does Friday sound to you?”

“you mean I can go home Friday?” I asked looking up at her with wide eyes. she nodded and I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my face. sure it seemed a long way away, but it was in reach, and at least now I knew when I would be home. She patted my knee and then left. A few minutes later Zahra and josh came back in. Josh had two bags filled with stuff and dumped it in front of Zahra when she sat down.

“thanks, you know, you didn’t have to carry it” she smiled up at him.

“Its alright, can’t have a lovely girl like you carry around heavy bags” He winked at her and she went bright red. I laughed at how obvious she was being, but josh didn’t see because he was bent over, putting his shoes back on.

“you went out without your shoes on?” I questioned him, and he looked up at me with a cheeky smile.

“yeah I forgot I didn’t have them on. It wasn’t until everyone starting giving me weird looks I remembered.” He finished putting them on and stood up to stretch. His top rose up slightly showing off his boxers and some of the skin just above. Zahra went even redder and I could feel myself going slight pink as well. “so what did she say?” he questioned once his arms were down.

“ill be out on Friday” I smiled and josh went to say something, but his phone went off. He pulled it out and began to speak to whoever was on the other end, a slightly angry look on his face. I was watching him when suddenly I felt something hit my face. when I looked down there was a packet of malteasers in my lap.

“your welcome” Zahra said and I just laughed at her. “oh I got you these” she said whilst reaching into her bag. She pulled out two bottles of pink vitamin water, and then two white ones, and then two red and gave them to me. I raised my eye brows at her and she just shrugged. “they were having a special, and I bet you’re bored of water”

I nodded, because it was true. “thanks Zahra”

“no problem” she was about to say something else when josh sighed heavily behind her and shut his phone off. “you alright?” she questioned and she shook his head.

“emergency band meeting. Ive gotta go, but ill speak to you later” he came over to me, and kissed my forehead just like before, and nicked a malteaser out of my bag. I was about to protest but he just winked at me. “later violet” on his way out he ruffled Zahra’s hair. “later zee”

Zahra grunted and fixed her hair, and then josh was out of the door. “I see how it is” she spoke to me, “you get a kiss, and I get my hair messed up” I smiled slightly and shook my head.

“It’s more than most fan girls have got” I commented, remembering how much she was in love with him.

“I suppose. And he knows my name” she squeaked. “and he called me zee, like he has his own nickname for me”

“I call you zee sometimes”

“Yeah, but your not josh franceschi” she stared off out the window like a love sick puppy so I threw a malteaser at her to snap her out of it.