"You Can't Stay a Saint in This City"

Are you busy today?” I ask Mike as make myself a bowl of Trix.

“Nope, I have the whole day for myself.”

“Great. I was thinking about getting myself an early birthday present.”

“Like what?” I can see the gears working in Mikes head as he tries to find a way of getting out of going with me to the Beverly Center.

“A car.” A big shiny SUV, the kind you see on My Super Sweet Sixteen that are topped with a big red bow.

It seems as if I’ve piqued Mike’s interest. “The Bentley not cutting it for you anymore?”

“No, it’s just that the Bentley isn’t exactly the most pet friendly vehicle out there” and I’m tired of using a lint roller on my leather seats to get dog hair out. “I mean you’re a guy you should like doing things like this.”

"Fine Ambrosia, I'll go with you"
______

“Leave it to you to buy the most expensive SUV on the lot to drive your dogs back and forth to the groomers.” Mike says as he and I sit in the cushy but ugly chairs in the lovely car dealership while I sign the papers to purchase my white Maserati Crossover.

Don’t we all have an inner rapper who enjoys buying gold chains and diamonds “Well it’s not like I’ll look nearly as hot if I’m washing a Toyota RAV4 in my tiny black bikini.”

“Now I feel bad for all the people who passed on my house because of the constant paparazzi next door.” Mike says as I hand back the clipboard with dozens of my little neon pink signatures scattered through the pages.

The car salesman probably earned a wicked commission on my purchase so he is extra kind “Thank you, Ms. Li. Because your car is being imported from Italy you should expect the car to be delivered within a month or so.”

“Well thank you Bernard, you were very helpful. Have a nice day.” I say as I shake his hand, get up to leave, while Mike and Bernard do that guy-hug thing.

“It’s really nice today.” Mike says as we walk along Rodeo Drive. LA is one of the few places I know with car dealerships in their luxury shopping district “I’ve never been on Rodeo Drive before”

“I’m totally going to show you around.” I tell Mike as the two of us walk down the sunny street. “That’s the Thompson Hotel.” I say pointing at the modern looking hotel attached to Ferrari and Maserati of Beverly Hills “a lot stars go there to film sex tapes.”

“You’ve ever been there, Ambrosia?” Mike asks as if filming sex tapes is what I do to earn my keep.

“No, I’ve always thought that if I was—not that I’m going to—that it would be at my house so everyone can see how nicely my bedroom is decorated and … well I’m not sure what else would happen.” I haven’t exactly planned out the script to this.

“What would you name it?”

I don’t have any clever puns on my name “I’ll leave that to the experts at Vivid Entertainment.”

Mike and I walk several more palm-tree lined blocks passing by banks and office buildings. “And this is Saks Fifth Avenue, where my line is sold exclusively” I explain as we pass a giant poster of me in their display window.”

“You can’t even tell what you’re selling.” Mike says as we pass another window.

“There’s like a dining room display right in front of my picture.” I explain

“But doesn’t that bother you?” Mike asks “Even though your house is too frilly and girly I think it’s still really nice. You seem to be pretty decent at what you do but you’re most famous for looking the way you do.”

“I’m sure you experience the exact same issue.” I reply sarcastically “That’s CVS Pharmacy, I assume they have them in Philly as well, it’s where you go to pick up… stuff.”

“I assume by stuff I bet you mean the supplies you need before filming a sex tape at the Thompson Hotel”

“Yup, you might also have to go there to pick up ‘supplies’ you need after filming a sex tape” We pass a tour bus and I give them a little wave “And since I know you’re going to ask yes I don’t go there after work to pick up ’supplies’”

“Before work then, right? But honestly it doesn’t bother you that you’re the Jeff Skinner of interior design?”

“I don’t know, honestly I’m flattered. No one’s ever flat out told me that I’m beautiful before I came to Hollywood.” I mean no one at Killarney would look twice at me, I was just plain I guess.

Mike seems to pick up on this “I thought you met Lucic in high school.”

“And so? He’s my boyfriend it’s not his job to make me feel beautiful.” I sigh as I glance at myself in the window of one of the many stores that line Rodeo Drive. The kind of stores where that are so luxurious they’re not even recognizable. I look exactly the same as I did in high school graduation picture. “Stop making that face.”

“I’m not making a face.” Mike lies.

“You’re making a face.”

“Ambrosia, it clearly bothers you that he’s never told you this.” Mike states matter of factly.

“It’s true, I know I’m attractive and whatever but I’d just like to hear him say it. I hear it every day from entertainment news shows. But for once I’d like to hear someone I care about say it to my face because clearly my face hasn’t changed since I’ve left high school, it just seems like everyone’s opinion on it has.”

“Ambrosia, your insecurity is kind of unfathomable. Right now you’re kind of in the same class as Rosie Huntington-Whitley and Sofia Vergara but I guess you’re not used to being people selling you as someone women want to be and men want to be with.” I’m surprised that Mike doesn’t make fun of me, I imagine Milan would just tell me what I wanted to hear hoping to make me feel better but he wouldn’t mean it. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me for who I am now and not who I was.

I wrap my arms around Mike right in the middle of the busy Rodeo Drive “I’m glad you understand.”

Mike hugs me back “And for the record Ambrosia, I think you’re gorgeous.” I know I shouldn’t be fishing for compliments from my neighbour but those words really do make me feel that much better.