Rhinestone Eyes.

May 26, 2011 Thursday.
5:34 AM

Sierra sat up in bed no longer wanting to try to sleep, Ben fell asleep hours ago and the TV still filled the room with a light blue haze. She brought her knees to her chest and held herself, sitting up in the bed. She took a deep breath trying not to think about him.
She scratched the back of her head and got out of the bed, walking into the hallway quietly, she left the door open, just the way it had already been.

Walking down the stairs quietly she noticed that the living room was full of the light blue light as well, she peeked into Danny’s room and Madison was asleep, naked and curled up with one pillow, no covers and the lamp was on.

Good. She thought. With Madison asleep and Danny hopefully awake watching some horrible sit com was kind of what she hoped for.

They needed to talk, and not just about what he had Madison do yesterday.

She tip toed through the kitchen and quietly sat down on the couch next to Danny. He looked over at her and smiled. Sierra was glad to not see any bottles littering the coffee table.

“Goo’ mornin’.”

“I ‘aven’t slept.” She said with a weak smile.

“Oh… me either.”

“I feel like I owe you thank you’s for every day of my life.” Danny laughed.

“Why? Yeh slapped the fuck outta me yesterday.”

“Well tha’ was because yeh deserved it.”

They were silent for a minute, neither of them wanted to argue so Danny kept his mouth shut.

“I don’ know. It was like every time Dad didn’ wan’ to care for me and Mum didn’ know ‘ow, tha’ you were there to help… Yeh walked with me to a gas station in the pouring rain to get tampons when I ‘ad my firs’ period… Any other brother would have shrieked and ran away.”

“Well tha’s wha’ I wanted to do!”

They both laughed.

“Do you remember when we ‘ad to go ‘ome from schoo’ tha’ one year because we didn’ ‘ave shoes?” Danny asked her with a smirk.

“Yeah, I do… We were young. Like eigh”.

“I hated where we lived then! It was the worst place we ever lived.”

“Every place we lived wa’ the wors’ place we lived.”

“Now tha’s not true… We lived in tha’ one ‘ouse tha’ Mum and… Tha’ Mum didn’ ‘ave the money to pay rent… Tha’ place was nice. ‘Ad up stairs!”

“…You really ‘ate ‘im don’ yeh?”

“Yes. And it pisses me off to no end tha’ you thin’ is okay to forgive ‘im.”

“No’ dad… Oli.”

Danny didn’ reply but looked down and thought.

“Well… Yes. ‘E was never anythin’ but shit to me… An’ you! Yeh jus’ believed ‘im over me an’ I hated tha’.”

“I… I did believe you Danny. I jus’… I wanted ‘im to be in Tommy’s life. I wanted ‘im to ‘ave something better than what we ‘ad.”

“E’s got Ben now… Ben is better… Better than dad, an’ better than Oli. You know is true yeh jus’ won’ say so.”

“Danny… I know ‘e is.”

Danny looked over at her, and smiled a little.

“I’m really ‘appy tha’ yeh with Ben. E’s a good guy an’ you deserve to be ‘appy an’ I know for a fucking fact tha’ Ben is goin’ to make yeh ‘appy… Yeh should ‘ave kept yeh las’ name though.” He laughed. “It’s fuckin’ bad ass.”

“I kind of did…”

“No! Tha’ shi’ doesn’t count! An’ it sounds stupid! Like yeh got two middle names an’ one of em’s Worsnop, people are going to think you’re a monster of something! Oh every one run! The Sierra Nicole Worsnop Bruce of the lagoon is comin’!”

Sierra laughed, and not just a laugh but she lost her breath and bent over to catch it. Danny was happy to hear her laugh like this.

“Is no’ tha’ bad Danny!”

“Yes it is.”

“People run from the Danny Worsnop of the lagoon too!”

“Well tha’s because ‘M scary… no’ because I ‘ave a stupid name!”

She pushed him playfully and laughed at what he said again.

“Don’ touch me! I know where yeh ‘ands ‘ave been!”

“Danny! Yeh so gross!”

“No… You ‘ave a problem.”

Sierra bit her bottom lip and leaned back into the couch, knowing her was being serious.

“You fuck ‘im too much… Is to forget about tha fac’ tha’ yeh hurt. An’ he’s been noticing, ‘M not the only one.”

“Danny I-“

“No! I took my girlfriend to get a fucking abortion, yeh were pissed and yeh still fucked as soon as we left!”

“I had sex I didn’t kill my un-born child! FOR THE SECOND TIME!”

She was standing up now.

“Who the fuck told yeh abou’ Jess?”

“Ben did. An’ if I was her I woul’ ‘ave left yeh too! I wouldn’t be surprised if Madison left tomorrow!”

“Oh shut up! You know wha’ my deal is an’ yeh act like ‘m no’ serious about it! I atleast ‘M no’ lying to some one tha’ loves me and jus’ using them to have my brains fucked out!”

“IM NOT LYING TO HIM!”

“Oh yeah?! Is tha’ why when he says I love you I respond with a fucking kiss?!”

“I don’ always! When were alone I say it back! It’s different when were alone! But it isn’ like you would know since all the girls you’ve loved eat pussy now! It’s REALLY sad that you think jus’ because yeh ‘ave a kid tha’ yeh gonna become and alcoholic and beat them!”

“I’m already an alcoholic dumb ass!”

“No you aren’t yeh jus’ wan’ the attention!”

Danny sat back onto the couch not responding to her. Sierra sat back down as well. When they had grown silent Ben cleared him throat and they both turned around.

“Come on. Yeh need to go to bed.” He motioned for Sierra to come over to him.

She looked over at Danny and shook her head, getting up and going over to Ben.

“Goodnight Danny.” Ben said and led Sierra through the kitchen and up the stairs.

“I ‘ave to pee…”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

“Why?” She asked and turned around to look at him; he had both hands on her hips and was walking behind her.

“Because I found something that doesn’t make me very ‘appy.”

“Oh.” She knew what he had found.

“Oh isn’t an excuse.”

She was silent as they walked into their room and into the connecting bathroom. She walked over and sat on the toilet. The pills, and razor blade she had were sitting on the counter and Ben leaned on the counter waiting for her to finish. When she was done she stood up and hugged him, he hugged her back.

“Why are yeh doin’ this?”

She started to cry and he hugged her tighter.

“Show me where.”

She backed away shyly and lifted her shirt where small cuts were lining her panties and were scatted on her stomach. Now he knew why she turned all the lights out during sex.
He traced them softly and kissed her.

“I love you… An’ I wan’ this to stop.”

She nodded and he started to gently walk her backwards. When they reached the bed he pushed her back so that she was lying on her back. He took her shirt off and pulled her panties down and kissed all the little nicks that she had caused herself. When she thought that he would get back in bed he took her panties off completely and left her lying there naked, her nipples got hard due to the temperature in the room causing her to put her hands over her breasts.

“Are yeh cold?” She nodded and smiled up at him

“I can fix tha’… Make yeh sweaty instead.” She giggled a little making him smile.

She knew he heard everything Danny said about her lying to him but now she knew that he didn’t care, he knew that she loved him and if she needed him to be a little ‘rough’ with her than he could that to help keep her happy.