Rhinestone Eyes.

June 28, 2011.

“She’s scaring me.”

Danny said looking up at Ben. Ben sighed looking over at Sierra who was dancing with complete strangers and had a drink in one hand.

“Me too.” He responded as he took a seat next to Danny.

“You woul’ think she’s loosing ‘er fucking mind.”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back taking a long drink from the dark bottle in his hand.

“I think she ‘as already. I mean this in the bes’ way possible bu’ if stopping you was hard then stopping her is goin’ to be hell an’ back.”

“You were supposed to kick Craig’s ass when he walked off with ‘er an’ you didn’t.”

“Please! She wa’ doin’ drugs with Andy befor’ we even left for this fuckin’ tour! Tha’ kid isn’t my friend e’s your friend that mind you wants to FUCK your sister whose MARRIED to yeh bes’ friend!”

“…’E never will, she doesn’ like him.”

“Danny… We’ve both seen ‘er fucked up she tries to fuck everything.”

Danny smiled. “But… She’s already did tha!”

“Really?”

“Is it too soon?”

“You know this is serious shit right? She isn’t you she won’t get a slap on the wrist she’ll get fucking fired Danny.”

“Not if I say she can’t.”

“She doesn’t work for you… Or for us, she works for the lable now, and she WILL lose her job.”

“No she won’t… She’s too pretty everyone likes ‘er.”

“Bein’ pretty only gets you so far until someone decides to take your child away. You woul’ love tha’ wouldn’ you?”

Danny didn’t respond. He looked over at Sierra who was still standing with her back turned to them, standing next to Andy who she was talking to while obviously helping herself to a line of cocaine.
Danny took a deep breath and stood up walking over to her. Ben didn’t follow him but just sat back not really knowing what to think.

“Okay. ‘Ome on it’s time for bed.”

Danny put one hand around her arm causing her to jump up and look at him. She smiled and Andy walked away quickly.

“It’s no’! Yeh jus’ a party pooper.

“No really. Come on please.”

“No. I jus’ go’ ‘ere. Yeh bein’ an ass Danny.”

“Oh really? Because I’m the twenty year old mother of a five year old doing cocaine!?”

“You can’t make me leave.” She said playing with the hem of her shirt and looking down.

“We both know that I can.”

“No. Yeh no’ charge of me an’ I can do whatever I want!”

“Sierra! Yeh bein’ fucking stupid, irresponsible, immature little brat!”

Sierra looked down again then looked around everywhere but at Danny.

“Do you love him?”

“Wha’?”

“Ben. Do you love him?”

“O’ course I do.”

“Do you really love him or did you jus’ marry him so quickly to help you fo’ get about Oli?”

“Don’t say his name.”

“Oli! Oli! Oli! Oli! Oliver fucking Sykes! He’s DEAD Sierra, ‘e isn’t coming back to beat the shit out of you anymore. He’s dead get over it already! Would it help if I beat the shit out of you?! Do you get a kick out of it or something?!”

She looked back down unable to speak. She started to walk away. Danny grabbed her by both arms and turned her around to face him she fought at first until he grabbed her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder. Tears started to fall from her eyes and she gave up looking at the moving ground underneath her. Soon Ben was following them and so were the other guys including Alan they all walked onto the tour bus and Danny sat Sierra down on the couch.

“We need to talk.”

Sam locked the door and sat down in front of it in case she tried to run off… again.
“I don’ wan’ to talk to you abou’ anything.” Sierra whispered while looking down at her hands that were folded in her lap.

“Wha’ was that?” Danny asked her and leaned down to hear her.

“I said I don’ wan’ to talk.”

“Oh. Well that’s too bad… You see swee’ heart yeh scarin’ everyone in this ‘ere bus an’ a few people tha’ aren’t on this bus too… Your especially scarin’ me.”

She looked up at him and looked back down at her hands. She didn’t like how close he was to her and she shifted her body to the other end of the couch and let out a long breath.
Ben was sitting down on the floor on the side of the room looking at her, waiting for her to look up at him but she never did. He continued to watch her.
Her hair was long and down, her roots were growing in more or a scarlet red, much deeper than the shade of red that Danny’s hair was. Ben had never seen her natural hair color before. Her eyes were still the same green color they had always been. She looked sick, and tired. He hated the way that she looked. It reminded him of when they were young, when they all lived together in that shitty ran down apartment that his mom paid for with the help of James’ money he got from his part time job at a gas station. He was afraid she would have to go back to rehab and he didn’t want to see that happen.

Sierra began staring at the floor; she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. She looked like she was cold. A tear streamed from her eye and she wiped at her nose sniffing lightly. Everyone was quiet, not sure what to say next, not sure what would happen next.
Danny sat down on the couch next to her and soon Madison walked out of the bunk area in an oversized shirt and panties, rubbing her eyes. She looked over at Sierra and Danny held a finger up to his mouth telling her to be quiet and she immediately understood.
Madison sat down in a chair not far from where Sierra sat, more tears gathering and falling but she was mostly silent. Sierra still kept her eyes on the floor so that a bit of her hair fell hiding her face slightly. Danny put an arm around her and pulled her into an awkward hug.
She hugged him around his neck with both arms and started to cry again. Sam and Cameron went outside with Alan. Ben and James remained in the room until James stood up and went outside as well.

“Come on.” Danny said to Sierra and he stood up helping her stand up too. They walked into the bunk area and Ben followed behind them.
Danny helped Sierra into the bunk she had been sleeping in.

“Are yeh thirsty?”

She nodded slightly and he walked past Ben to get her a glass of water. Ben sat on the floor next to the bunk. She looked at him but didn’t smile. She held her hand out and he took it in his. He kissed her hand and just looked at her; she started to smile very little.

“I still love you...”

“I know.” She spoke with a raspy voice.

“I jus’ don’ want you to be stupid… Wha’ yeh doin’ isn’t okay… I wan’ you to be okay… I want you to be safe.”

Danny had come back into the bunk area unnoticed and so he leaned against the door frame and listened to them talk.

“I… don’ know what I’m doin’ Ben. I watched Danny do this…” She sniffed and sighed. “I watched him die… It may have not even been longer than thirty seconds but it still happened. I know wha’ it does to you but ‘m jus’ so happy when I can fo’ get everything.”

Ben hesitated before responding.

“I know… I know you are, I’ve done it before, who ‘asnt? I mean besides people that are level ‘eaded.”

“He thinks I married you to fo’ get, yeh know.”

“No. ‘E doesn’t. He… Danny says things sometimes jus’ to be ‘urtful. An’ in this situation ‘es more than welcome to say whatever he needs to say to ge’ a rise out of you.”

“He was bein’ serious.”

“Sierra.” He sighed. “Why would he say tha’ an’ mean it?”

“I don’ know… An’ James told me what ‘appened the nigh’ I got wasted and told all of my ‘love life’ Danny wanted to hurt him… You don’ see me walking around punching every girl I see.”

Danny laughed and they both looked up to see him, then they all laughed.

“Im no’ that big of a whore!”

“You ‘ave a dirty dick.”

“Im sorry miss you said dirty… didn’ you mean large?”

“No.” She laughed a bit and took the glass of water from his hand and drank it in almost one gulp.

“I like yeh ‘air that color.” Ben said to her after she had finished the glass of water and set it down.

“Me too.” Danny said.

“You do?” She looked at both of them.

“Well ye’ roots… Tha’ color. Yeh should grow it ou’.”

“Or we can dye it!” They all looked to see Madison in the door way walking toward them.

“It is a really pretty color hun, ‘m jealous of it. Really I am. Really ‘m jealous of everything you ‘ave… Besides Ben…”

“Oh… Well then.” Ben added.

“No, no yeh cute Ben is jus’ that yeh married?”

“An’ I can’t ‘ave you fuckin’ my best friend.” Danny poked her and she sat down with them.

“I was sure there was goin’ to be a ‘uge fight like last nigh’…”

Danny sighed and looked at her.

“Did we fight las’ night Danny?” Sierra asked, he voice still raspy.

“It wasn’ anything big we both said things we didn’t mean… ‘M ready for bed now… I’ll see you two in the morning.”

Danny grabbed Madison’s hand and they walked past Ben and Sierra to another bunk that was a top.
After too long the other guys came in and everyone started to bed. Soon enough Ben got into the bunk with Sierra. She pretended to be asleep, but kept replaying what Danny had said about Oli earlier that night. He didn’t just say that to be hurtful, he meant it.

Every night lying in bed, not quiet asleep yet, but not quiet awake all she sees are those big brown eyes, all she hears is his shy faint voice, and all she feels are his tender kisses on her neck, all she smells is his cologne. He is all she sees when her eyes close.