Mistakes and Misunderstandings

It was our first show, and everyone was running around like crazy trying to get ready. I didn’t have much to do, so once I finished my make-up, I went in search of Max to help him with his. It still amazed me that my boyfriend wore more make-up than me, but he looked good in it, so I was ok with it. In fact, almost every guy on this tour, meaning every other band member, wore more than I did.

Not finding Max on the bus, I began walking between the buses and trailers parked outside the venue. Craig told me earlier that he had explained that I had my own personal reasons for not talking to anyone and to not take it personally if I stayed with him or Max. Either everyone accepted that, or they were just too caught up in their own worlds to notice me. I was hoping it was the first option.

I had assumed Max was just out smoking, but when I couldn’t find him anywhere, I was beginning to worry. At last I gave up and decided to go back to the bus. There, I found Craig, Monte, and Robert running off to the venue. Climbing on the bus, I found Max spraying himself with his cologne, which I didn’t understand since he was about to sweat it off onstage, but it did make him smell good for at least a short time.

“I’ve been looking for you,” I said.

Max turned to look at me. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to help you get ready. But then I couldn’t find you, and you know how Craig gets before shows; I didn’t want to listen to him bitching, so I went looking for you.”

“I had to talk to someone for a few minutes. We must have just missed each other. Now move, ETF is on first tonight, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’m the only one not backstage right now,” Max said, pushing past me.

I followed him silently. It wasn’t like Max to be so secretive with me, but then again, I’d never seen him before a show, so maybe this was just how he was. I watched as the techs helped Max get his bass strapped on and all the wires he needed in the right places before he ran onstage with the rest of his band.

Since it was the first show, I’d decided to watch all the bands from backstage, so I found a place to stand where I could see the stage but the crowd couldn’t see me. Max was the same onstage, but something about him was still bothering me. He hadn’t looked me in the eyes earlier, but that had to just be another part of his pre-performance nerves. It had to be that.

I continued watching ETF until they guys from BVB came to get ready. I helped the techs by handing them what they needed, but I didn’t go near anyone if I could help it. I gave the guys a thumbs-up to wish them luck when I heard Craig introducing them.

All my worries disappeared as Max came up to me, back to his normal self. He wasn’t snapping at me, questioning my actions, and he looked me in the eyes. But if he was back on drugs, I couldn’t smell it through the sweat drying into his clothes. I shook my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts.

“You ok?” Max asked.

“Yeah, just a fly buzzing around,” I replied. “It’s probably because you stink.” Max pretended to be hurt, but left to change his clothes anyway, promising to be back before my band went on. I watched BVB for a few minutes alone before someone came to stand beside me.

“I’m Matt,” he said. “Matt Good, guitarist from D.R.U.G.S.” I nodded in acknowledgement. “Andy’s girlfriend is going to be joining us on tour for a few days, so you won’t be the only chick here. Maybe you could try talking to her; she’s pretty cool.”

I shrugged. If only that was all it would take for me to talk more. I couldn’t tell anyone the real reason; I didn’t need their sympathy. They’d treat me differently. They wouldn’t be themselves. I jumped, feeling Max wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Matt, what did you do to my girlfriend?” Max asked.

“I didn’t do anything but come up to watch BVB since I’m up next, and I told Rylii that Andy’s girlfriend will be joining us for a few days,” Matt said quickly. I nodded slightly, letting Max know it was true.

“Oh, cool. Wait, when did Andy get a girlfriend and who is it?”

“They’ve been together for a few months now, but they were keeping it secret at first,” Matt explained. “Her name’s Juliet Simms, and she’s the lead singer for Automatic Love Letter. They’re good together.” Our conversation ended there, since Matt had to get ready to go onstage with the rest of his band.

When D.R.U.G.S. finished, TLL would go on, followed by MIW to finish the show. Max and I stood in silence, watching the bands. The crowd seemed to grow with each new band that played. I wondered if they would stay when my band went on, being the newest ones here. I just hoped they didn’t hate us. From what I remembered of playing in Vegas, we always got a good response from the crowds, but there were always a few fans who’d follow us to the different clubs we’d play at.

“Don’t be nervous,” Max said, helping me get everything ready. “You’ll do fine. It’s just like at home, but with a bigger audience and better audio system.” I held my guitar to the side so I could hug him quickly. As we pulled apart, I saw Ricky come running.

“Glad you haven’t started yet; I wanted to see you,” he said, somewhat out of breath. “I already know you have good taste in books, and I wanted to see if these skills of yours I’ve heard about really exist.”

I nodded, as Max spoke. “Believe me, they exist. I didn’t believe it until I saw it, but Ry has mad skills.”

I followed Blake onto the stage, Sam, Jason, and Aaron following me. We’d agreed that Blake would start the show in lead vocals and he and I would switch halfway through, so the fact that he was doing all the talking wouldn’t be so noticeable. I also like it because I could begin on lead guitar and the focus would be on me during the solos before going back to Blake. By the time I went up to do the vocals, I all but forgot about the audience.

The audience didn’t shrink when we came on, which was a good sign, but it didn’t grow either. I saw Max and Ricky watching from backstage, with Craig, Monte, and Robert behind them. As the first song began, though, I forgot about everything else. I forgot the audience, the venue, the past, everything. My fingers flew up and down the fret board and I hit every note perfectly. Before I knew it, I was taking Blake’s place, he taking the position of lead guitar, while I sang the songs I’d written when the band first began.

The rest of the world returned all too quickly when we began our last song, a new one. One I had written in rehab. I was nervous; it held so much meaning to me, to my band, to everyone who knew what had happened so recently. I just hoped everyone else liked it. Aaron started, before everyone else joined him, playing that steady beat before I sang the opening lines.

I shouldn’t have been nervous though. The crowd was louder at the end of the song then they had been after any of our previous songs. Blake introduced Motionless In White before leading us off the stage. Max and Craig quickly pulled me into tight hugs. Ricky and his band were standing in awe.

“I quit,” their guitarist said, handing his guitar off to one of the techs.. I think his name was…Ryan? “You can take my place.”

“Ry could take any of your places,” Robert said. “She can play any instrument you give her.” I nodded in agreement as they all looked at me.

“One of us always gets sick on tour, so you might get to see Ry take over for us at least once,” Monte said. The band all said they’d be waiting to see that before running onstage.

“Do you want to go change and come back?” Max asked. I shook my head. I’d seen the entire show so far, and I wasn’t about to miss part of the last band. Besides the fact that I liked the few songs I’d heard by MIW. The crowd screamed louder than they had all night during their performance. Max and I watched from our previous place while everyone else disappeared, most likely back to the buses. All the bands were doing their meet-and-greets at the same time, after all the bands so no one would have to miss seeing a band because they were with another band.

MIW finished, telling everyone that they better be in every line at the meet-and-greet that would begin in half an hour. As soon as they were backstage, they asked what if I enjoyed it. “Halfway through, Ry told me you’re better live than hearing you on the radio,” Max said. I nodded in agreement. No one seemed fazed by Max speaking for me as we all walked back towards the buses.

Once on our own buses, I ran to change and before joining my band at the merch table. The next hour passed quickly, with dozens of people asking us to sign posters and asking for pictures. We were the first ones done, but waited for the rest of the bands to finish before packing up and heading back to the bus for the night.

There was no time for a party like last night’s, as we had to leave for the next venue as soon as we were done here, so we took the time to be in the open air, able to walk farther than would be able to for the next few hours. But our freedom came to an end and we piled onto our bus, most of us going directly to bed. I stayed up however, writing a new song while Max fell asleep on the couch watching tv.