My Only One

Jack-
I walked into the kitchen of my apartment as Alex followed me. I sat at the table.

“I can’t believe you.” I shook my head.

“Come on, you can’t be that mad.”

“Alex! You went and talked to my fucking ex! And not just ANY ex. Brittany. Why would you do that?!” I yelled.

“Dude, she misses you. I want you guys to talk again and try to work things out.” He defended.”

“Some things don’t work out. This is one of those things.” I sat down and put my face in my hands.

“You don’t know that.” He put a hand on my shoulder.

“She wouldn’t want to talk to me anyway.” I sighed. As much as I wanted to go and see her, I couldn’t go.

“Yes she would.” Alex insisted. “Come on, all you talk about is if you had another chance to see her, to talk to her. Now here’s that chance.”

“I know, it’s just- I’m afraid of what she would say or how she would react.” I got up to get a beer. I opened it and took a sip as I leaned on the counter.

“I have her number, call her.” He scrolled through his phone. He handed me his phone and I slowly dialed the number and saved it in my phone. “Aren’t you going to call her?”

“Yeah, but not right now. I need to think about what I’m going to say.” I looked at the picture of her on his phone. “She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, she is. She’s an intern at the vet where I take Bas and Peyton now.”

“Really? That’s good.” I looked at her picture again. I felt the butterflies like I did the first time I saw her or every time I saw her.

“Yeah, I have to take Peyton in tomorrow. Come with me. Maybe you’ll see her.”

“Maybe. But I can’t just be like ‘Hey Brittany, I missed you. We should give a relationship another shot.’” I finished my beer.

“You don’t have to just start with ‘hi’. Just try talking to her.” He stood up.

“I guess.” I said thinking about what I could possibly say when I call her. Alex left a few hours later leaving me alone wrapped in my thoughts. ‘Hey, Brittany. It’s Jack. I was just calling to see how you were. Maybe we could catch up some time.’ No, that’s too, just no. Why does this have to be so hard? I groaned and fell back on the couch. I picked up my phone and found her number. This is it. I was going to call her. It started ringing.

“Hello?” She answered. I opened my mouth to speak but words failed to come out. “Hello?” I quickly ended the call. I couldn’t do it. I choked. Just hearing her voice again was enough to drive my heart crazy. Everyone tells me to listen to my heart, when I ask about what I should say, I just don’t know what my heart is telling me. I want to be with her. I just want to know that she still loves me. I need her in my life. Standing up I thought about what she hides behind closed eyes. There was a lot in her life that went wrong. I knew she couldn’t handle a lot on her own she always needed someone for support. I was always that person. I’d give anything to feel her small, sweet lips on mine. I remember the taste of her warm, sweet breath. Why can’t I just tell her?

That night I lay in bed thinking about the times I shared with her. Going to the beach in the middle of the night. Sneaking out for our midnight walks. Those nights when her dad got really bad and she would come to my house and stay with me. I miss everything about her. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh, the way she would bury her face into my chest when she got scared at night with her dad. My phone buzzed and snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked at the caller ID. It was Brittany’s number. I hit ignore and let it go to voicemail. Once I got the signal I had a new message, I listened to it. Her voice was still the little, softly spoken voice it always was.

“I miss you.” I mumbled. I looked back at her picture I sent to my phone from Alex’s she hated having her picture taken. Alex must have snuck it. She was amazing. I pulled out the picture from high school. Brittany and I kissing under the mistletoe. Our parents purposely hung it there so we would end up under it. I kissed her on the cheek and our mothers made us kiss. Our first kiss, we never really spoke of it because we both thought the same thing that the other wasn’t in love. I have to talk to her. I can’t believe me, and twenty three year old guy is nervous around a girl. She’s not just any girl, she was my girl.