All Yours Somehow

The tour had been going a while before I’d flown out and joined the guys in New York. So far I had been with the guys as they toured the east coast of America. I had never toured with a band like this before and it was an entirely new experience for me. Touring with so many guys definitely had it’s crazy moments, but luckily I wasn’t the only girl, as Jared’s girlfriend, Tessa, had also flown out with me.

We were now in Fort Lauderdale, Florida and being around the boys all day everyday was beginning to take it’s toll after being on the road with them for ten days. The past couple of days, I had begun to distance myself from the guys and I could tell John had definitely noticed. I was being short with him and was even beginning to avoid talking to him in fears I would just turn it into an argument for no reason.

I had decided to spend the day away from the guys, hoping it would clear my head and put me in a better mood. When I had told John my plan for the day, he wasn’t particularly happy with it.

“I think I’m going to find something to do away from the tour today,” I said as John pulled on his jeans and t-shirt.

“What? Why?” he asked, confusion all over his face.

“I’m just feeling a little disconnected and need some time to myself,” I explained.

“But Hannah, I brought you out here so we could spend more time together and so you could see what this part of my life is like,” he said. We were the only ones left on the bus as the others had gone into the venue or had gone off and done their own thing.

“I know, but you have to realize that I’m not used this. This isn’t my way of living and I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“What’s the point of you being here if I don’t get to see you?” he asked, beginning to raise his voice.

“It’s one day and I’ll be back in time for the show later,” I asked, keep my level the same.

“This is fucking shit, I want to spend my down time with you!”

“But John, it’s either you let me do this, or I go home altogether, which would you prefer?” I asked.

“Alright fine, but I don’t like the idea of you walking around alone,” he said. “Can I come find you later?”

“Please, just let me be on my own for a bit. I’ll call you if I need you, I promise,” I reasoned.

Now as I walked along the beaches, I breathed in the sea air and smiled. This was exactly what I needed. I grabbed some food at one point but most the time I just spent walking along the sand or around the cliffs. I didn’t even realised how much time had passed until I got a phone call from Tessa telling me the guys were getting food and doors were opening soon and asking if I was coming back. I told her I would be back in time and we hung up. Then about five minutes later, I got a phone call from Kennedy asking if I’d seen John.

“No I haven’t, Ken, how come?” I said down the phone.

“No one’s seen him for a while and Tim is trying get us all together,” Kennedy said.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t spoken to him all day, is he not answering his phone?”

“No, and we thought maybe you two had met up but obviously not,” he told me. “Anyway, can you try ringing him or if you do see him can you get him to call one us?”

“Of couse, Ken, I’ll see you in a bit anyway,” I said.

I tried ringing John a couple of times but with no answer and didn’t know where he could be. I was about to send a text when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around to be met with a tired face.

“Hey,” he half-smiled.

“Hi,” I said back to him.

“You know, I’ve really missed you today,” John told me, sitting down next to me.

“I missed you too.”

“Then why didn’t you come back earlier?”

“I just really needed today to myself,” I told him. “I like being alone, especially here, like this. The ocean is so vast but to me it seems so peaceful.”

“Nobody really likes being alone though,” John said, looking out from the cliff top to the ocean as I did too. “And no matter what you think, you are not alone.”

“Thanks John,” I smiled, as he put his arm around my shoulders. “The guys are looking for you by the way.”

“I don’t care,” he said, pulling me closer to his chest. “I just want a couple of minutes peace with you.”

As we stood in silence, I breathed in his scent and smiled into his chest. I was lucky to have a guy like John, sometimes it just took moments like this to realise it.

“I’m sorry about earlier by the way,” he suddenly said. “I didn’t mean to get mad.”

“It’s OK, you were right, you let me come out here so we could spend time together,” I said. “I just forget what it’s like to have someone that cares about what me and I guess I get selfish and want time on my own.”

“Well, Hannah Frazier, lucky for you, I do care about you,” he breathed, kissing my forehead. “And I’ll still be here, whether you want me to be or not.”

“How did you find me?” I asked, pulling away slightly to try and look at him.

“It was simple, I know you far better than you think I do, I know where your favorite places are.”

“I don’t mean now, I meant how did I manage to meet someone like you?”

I smiled at the boy next to me before looking out to the ocean again. Tonight the waves were calm across the waters, still even. The two of us were now stood next to each other in silence and right now, I wouldn’t have changed any of it for the world.

“I need to go back,” he said quietly a couple of minutes later.

“OK, let’s go,” I said, and he took my hand and we got back to the venue as quick as we could.

As soon as we got back, John was whisked away by Tim and Tessa kept me company. When the boys took to the stage, me and Tessa made our way out to the main room so we could watch them. I had still only seen the band play live just a handful of times so it was still kind of new to me. I was used to the amount of alcohol John could drink when he was playing a show already, no one else could keep up with him. Tonight was no different, when a few songs into the set, he grabbed his red cup and returned to his microphone and began talking to the crowd.

I smiled to myself as I realised- that boy was all mine.