All Yours Somehow

“What book are you reading this time?” I heard a familiar voice say. I looked up already knowing who I was going to see standing in front of me.

“Hey,” I smiled.

“Hi, Hannah,” John smiled back.

“Do you wanna sit?” I asked, signaling to the chair opposite which he took, as I closed my book and placed it on the table between us. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” he shrugged.

“How did you know I was coming here today?”

“I didn’t. I’ve been coming here everyday for the past week or so, hoping I’d see you,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you don’t think I’d forget your tradition around the holidays did you?” he smiled again. “Plus, this was the first time I ever saw you, a moment I’ll never forget.”

“Me neither,” I told him. “So how have you been?”

“Yeah good thanks. God, it feels like forever, Han,” he sighed.

“I know, what’s it been like 2 months? It’s good to see you though,” I told him.

We caught up on everything we’d missed in that time, both quite obviously side-stepping the elephant in the room. We talked about everyone we knew but eventually we were running out of things to say.

“So are you seeing anyone else now?” John finally asked.

“Um, well I just started seeing this guy,” I told him. “It’s early days at the moment though.”

“Ah right,” he nodded.

“What about you?” I asked, I didn’t know what to expect from his answer.

“Erm, well, there’s this girl,” he began. “But I don’t really know what’s going on with that.”

We both fell silent as the moment became awkward. It was these moments that before I didn’t think would ever happen between us, but for the last six months, they seem to be all we have.

“John, why have you been coming here everyday?” I asked, finally breaking the silence.

“I don’t know,” he said, staring out of the window. Turning his attention back to me, he continued. “I guess...I guess I just thought that we could rewind,” he sighed. “I guess I hoped that going back to where it all began might remind us why we were together in the first place.”

“We were together because we were young and in love,” I told him. “But people grow up and grow apart, and that’s what happened to us. It was two years ago now, we’re not 18 anymore.”

“But what if that’s not true? What if we threw this all away for nothing?”

“I’ve moved on and apparently so have you,” I said, picking up my bag and putting my book inside. “Now it was nice seeing you and catching up, but I need to go. Goodbye John.”

“Hannah, wait!” he said, getting up to follow me out of the coffee shop.

“John, this was nice, please don’t ruin it now.”

----------

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” everyone cheered as the clock struck midnight.

A few days before Christmas, Jared had decided to have a New Year’s party at his house. Since Holly was at home, he had invited us and Tessa had also asked me to come. Obviously, John was going to be there too but Jared was apparently asking a lot of people to come, so I thought I could probably avoid him if I needed to. Although, a part of me did want to see him, it was a new year now, I hoped we could become friends again finally. I’d also decided to bring Ryan, the guy I’d starting seeing a few of weeks ago. We were becoming a bit more serious so it only felt right to invite him to come with me.

“Happy New Year, Hannah,” Ryan said, leaning in and kissing my lips.

“Happy New Year,” I smiled, as he pulled away.

So far at the party, I’d seen quite a few people I knew. Being with John, I got to know a lot of his friends and they were all polite enough to say hello and stop for a catch up at the party. I felt bad for Ryan as every time I spoke to someone, I had to tell him it was ‘one of John’s friends’, which just felt like I was making it more awkward for Ryan. He was a sweet guy, but he was quiet and didn’t seem to know too many people in the area, especially not in this kind of crowd.

I had seen John once tonight and we just said a quick hello and wished each other a good new year. Ryan knew the deal with John and just politely stood there and said hi as I spoke to John. I could see the jealousy in John’s eyes as I introduced Ryan, a final year Architecture student. But John was with a girl as well. The same girl that he was with in the mall from a couple of months ago. He introduced her as Beth, a club promoter.

I was stood talking to Ryan, Holly and Jack, her latest boy toy, when I saw John on the opposite side of the room. He was obviously trying to get my attention and get nodded his head in the direction of the hallway. I kept trying to ignore him but then I received a text message.

From: John
Make yours excuses and meet me upstairs in 10 minutes.

Once I read the message, I looked up to see John standing in line with me, leaning against the opposite wall, with a grin across his face. In that moment, I couldn’t deny him any longer and needed to know what he wanted.

“Hey, I’m just going to the bathroom,” I lied, as I went to walk away.

“Alright, I’ll come with you,” Holly said.

“NO! It’s fine, stay here with the guys, they don’t really know anyone so I don’t want them to feel awkward,” I continued, lying through my teeth.

Once I got out the main area, I walked through groups of people and up the stairs. As I rounded the corner at the top of the staircase, I felt a hand grabbed my wrist and pull me into a bedroom. Closing the door behind us quickly, he pushed me up against it and pressed his lips against mine. Straight away, I reacted with it and our lips moved together as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him.

“John, we shouldn’t be doing this,” I said, as we pulled apart for air and our breathing was deep. Our bodies were rising and sinking as we looked into each others eyes.

“Who says?” he asked, immediately reattaching himself to my lips. His kissed my lips, then along my jawline and down my neck to my chest as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“My boyfriend and your girlfriend,” I breathed out.

“Fuck them,” he mumbled as he sucked at my neck.

“John, I’m being serious,” I said, trying to pull away from him. “You’re drunk. Your girlfriend is right downstairs, I doubt she’d be impressed to find you with your ex-girlfriend at New Year.”

As he stood up straight in front of me, I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. His green eyes stared right through me and my heart beat immediately sped up. My feelings for him had never disappeared, I’d just chosen to ignore them and move on. But being this close and feeling his lips on my skin made me want to forget about everything else and just focus on him.

“So the architect guy, what’s he like?” John asked, walking over to sit on the bed. I watched as he sat down and didn’t respond, I was just frozen to the spot, staring at him. “Han?”

I followed his steps, pushed his body back and hovered my own over him before kissing his lips with force.

“He’s not you,” I said, taking a quick breath. We stayed like this for a while until he rolled us over so he was on top of me. His hands wandered to the zip on my dress, which he undid with ease and pulled off. It was mere seconds before the rest of our clothes were torn off and our hands and mouths were going everywhere. John then repositioned himself over me and pushed inside. As our bodies worked together and our moans grew louder, it felt like we had never been apart.

“Holy shit,” I familiar voice said, as the bedroom door opened. “Wait, HANNAH?”

“Shit. Fuck,” I mumbled, as John pulled out and rolled over. Holly stood in the doorway, as I pulled a blanket over my naked body and John began getting redressed.

“You had been gone a while and I thought maybe you’d run into John and something bad had happened,” she said, sounding pissed off. “But now I realise you were doing this.”

“Holly, if you can give me just two seconds, I can explain.”

“I think I’ll leave you two alone,” John excused himself, finishing up the last few buttons on his shirt and walking past Holly and out of the door.

“Get dressed, I’ll wait outside,” Holly told me. “You’ve got some explaining to do.”