All Yours Somehow

“Did you seriously think you were going to get away with it?” Holly asked as we sat down on the bed next to each other. She wasn’t her usual bubbly, friendly self. She was pissed off. Pissed off, big time, at me.

“I don’t know,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“How did it even happen?” she asked. “I thought things were over for good between you and I thought you’d moved on with Ryan.”

“They were, I have,” I told her. “I can’t explain it.”

“Well, you need to be able to. Ryan’s a good guy, it’s not fair on him.”

“I know, I know!” I said, holding my head in my hands. “I didn’t mean it to happen, it’s just...it’s John.”

“It’s always going to be there for you, isn’t it?” she asked, finally easing her tone. “What does he hold over you?”

“I don’t know, Hol,” I said. We sat there for a while and I though everything over in my head. She was right, it wasn’t fair on Ryan at all. He was downstairs right now, completely oblivious to what had happened. The more I thought about it, the more emotional I got about it, so much that I suddenly began crying and once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop. “I didn’t mean to sleep with him.”

“I know,” Holly said, putting her arm around my shoulders to comfort me.

“I’ve done exactly what I swore I would never do because I know how it feels to be cheated on. What have I become? I feel like such an idiot,” I sobbed. “Can we just go home?”

“Sounds like a good idea,” she said, standing up. “We’ll tell the guys you’re not feeling too good, but you need to tell Ryan the truth at some point.”

“I will, I just need to get out of here.”

As we left the room and walked downstairs, I wiped my face hoping I looked presentable as Holly turned to me.

“I’m gonna find the guys so we can get out of here, stay here,” she told me, as I waited at the bottom of the stairs.

She back with Jack and Ryan in tow within a couple of minutes and Ryan straight over to me looking concerned.

“Hey babe, is everything OK?” he asked, looking into my eyes. It wasn’t the same as when John looked into my eyes, but Ryan’s blue eyes still seem to pierce through me.

“Yeah, I guess I just had too much to drink,” I told him. “I need to get out of here.”

“Alright, we’ll get a cab back to mine,” he told me.

“You guys are welcome to stay at mine if you want, I do live next door after all,” Holly offered.

“I think that’s probably the easiest option,” I said.

We said goodbye to a few people and thanked Jared for inviting us and left the party. Once we were in Holly’s house, the four of us sat around her dining table and she started pulling food from her cupboards. We sat talking about people we’d seen at the party and having to explain to Ryan and Jack who people were. My phone vibrated every so often, but every time it went off, I ignored it. Every so often, Holly would catch my eye and nod her head towards Ryan and give me ‘the look’.

Eventually she groaned and went to stand up, “I’m going to bed, it’s like 4am and my bed is calling,” she said.

“Yeah I’ll come with you,” Jack said, following her out of the room.

“Night Hols,” I said pulling her in for a hug. “Thanks for tonight,” I whispered.

“You need to tell him,” she told me, sternly but quietly so only I would hear and I nodded in return. “The spare room is there for you guys if you want,” she said at normal level before leaving the kitchen. As they left, my phone vibrated again.

“That’s six times now,” Ryan commented. “What’s making you so popular?”

“I don’t know I haven’t even looked at them,” I shrugged. As I said this, he picked up and as soon as he did, I knew it was a bad idea.

“Let’s see who they’re from,” he said, opening my messages. “OK so John...John...Tessa...John...John...and John. Right.”

I looked at Ryan trying to work out what he was thinking, but he was showing no emotions. Instead was still just staring at my phone.

“Do I even want to know what these say?” he asked.

“Like I said, I haven’t even read them and I definitely haven’t replied,” I told him.

He continued to look at my phone. “Well maybe you should read them, there’s some interesting stuff in there,” he said, handing me back my phone.

Before I began reading the messages, I had a bad feeling come over me. I couldn’t even bare to look at Ryan now. My phone went off again and I knew I didn’t even want to read the message.

“Is that another one?” he asked and as I nodded my head, he took my phone back from me. “Tell me you didn’t...”

“I’m sorry,” I said, as tears began to fill my eyes.

“How could I be so fucking stupid?” he said, getting up from the table and walking out to front door.

“Ryan!” I said, getting up to follow him.

“You know, everyone told me to be careful with you because you were still in love with him and I denied it and stood up for you,” he said, turning back to me. “What a fucking waste of time that was.”

He turned and walked out of Holly’s front door and I had no idea what to do. I followed him out to her front yard and he was already marching towards Jared’s house. I ran back into Holly’s house and to her room and banged on the door.

“Holly, Jack! You need to come next door, NOW!” I said without even waiting for an answer. And without even letting them come out, I was back down the stairs and out of the door again. I was trying to go faster than my legs could take me but I didn’t know what Ryan was going to do. I walked into Jared’s house and could hear the shouting immediately.

“YOU FUCKING DICK!” Ryan shouted. “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

“I don’t know, maybe you should ask your girlfriend,” John smirked.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” Ryan retaliated, getting closer to John’s face.

As I walked closer to them, John gave me his trademark grin, while Ryan looked shocked to see me stood there.

“I hope you got what you wanted,” Ryan walked over to me and said. I couldn’t speak as tears filled my eyes again.

I could not have predicted what happened next. Ryan went back to standing in front of John, pulled his arm back and took a swing at John’s face. As soon as Ryan’s fist collided with John cheek, that was when all the other guys launched forward. They had stood back so far but now it was time to interfere. Holly and Jack both pulled Ryan back and stood in front of him as a barrier. Jared and a couple of John’s other friends, Dirk and Tim, went to John to make sure he didn’t start to fight back. I stood in the middle completely helpless not knowing who to go to.

“Hannah, I hope you’re happy now,” Ryan spat from where he was, trying to push Jack off him. “I need to get out of here,” he mumbled, stumbling out of the room.

I looked over to John who was wiping at the blood coming from his nose. Beth was stood next him looking pissed off. The next thing I knew, she slapped her hand across his face and then walked over to me and within a split second, my face was soaking wet as she threw her drink over me.

“Whoops,” she said, sarcastically before walking out of Jared’s house.

As I wiped my face, I looked around me and the destruction I’d caused. This is not how I planned on starting a new year.