Waking Up with Headaches

Matt flashed a painfully smile at me as John cleaned up his facial cuts. I smiled back at him silently as John finished. We would have got my mom but no one wants to wake up a sleeping bear.

“There you go, all done.” John said throwing a bloody towel into the trash can “I’m going to check if there are any pain killers upstairs.”

John headed back the stairs as Matt came to join me on the couch. “So why did you ‘beat up’ the kid?” I asked curiously making hand gestures because by the look at it he couldn’t ‘beat up’ some it the shape.

He sighed a took my hand “He was being an asshole and I tried to show him it wasn’t okay with me. Sadly I learnt I fucked with the worse person.” He laughed squeezed my hand.

“You’re so brave Mattie.” I told him before pecking him on the lips. He pulled me back into him and kissed me sweetly.

“You’re so beautiful Lily.” Matt spoke softly into my lips and kissing me again “Will you be my girlfriend?”

(Jack‘s P.O.V)

I hung up the phone and back inside to the band. The fall air was blowing in and I started to freeze. I would let myself freeze for Lily.

“Was that your mommy Barakat?” Alex asked as I came in.

“Shut the fuck up! My mom is awesome!” Which is true by the way.

Zack put us back in to control before we started talking about how awesome my mom is. “Gaskarth, did you ever think of a name for the song?”

I looked over to Alex. I helped with him part of the song but I told him to pick the name. Since it is about his brother.

He nodded over to me before telling us the name. “Lullabies.” He said smoothly and calm. Alex started the intro before I came in and took it over. Zack and Rian joined along after. Alex stop playing his guitar so he could focus on the lyrics.

“Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - 
it could be for the last time and it's not right. 
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said. 
Alone and far from home we'll find you...

Dead - Like a candle you burned out; 
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention; 
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, 
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around 
it's like a piece of me is missing. 
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain? 
Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, 
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to s...

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...) 
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...), 
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”

We all froze and looked at each other in the awkward tease silent. All with one thought on our minds.

Rian finally spoke up, “I think we should enter a battle.” There was an unspoken agreement between Rian, Zack, and I was we all looked over to the nervous Alex. Rian started “Alex, you know we don’t have too. It’s your song. We could play another Blink song. No problem.”

Alex sighed and put his guitar back into place to play, “I want to perform it. I do. It‘s just if I do. I‘m not going to fuck this up!” He words were dead serious as he started the intro again. He messed up some of the chords and started curing before I could even come in to cover.

“Alex, stop kicking yourself down.” Zack cheered him on. “If you too nervous about fucking up the song just have Jack play.

I wasn’t going to get into this. Asking Alex, not to play, his song, some how this songs like a fight about to start. I kept my mouth shut.

Like it should have been all week. If I kept it shut I wouldn’t have gotten into all this shit with Lily. I wouldn’t have started an almost relationship with her. I wouldn’t have to go with a graveyard with her when I am secretly fucking freaked out by graveyards! But most importantly, I wouldn’t have heard the truth.

It was true. It’s still true. I am a hypocrite. I shouldn’t be a dick and I told her I was sick of hiding a relationship when I did that to her after I only knew her for day! I am a jerk.

“Jack!” Rian said snapping his fingers in my face pulling me back to earth. “You okay staying here with Alex so we can go get the pizza?”

I nodded and headed over to Alex hiding in his notebook as Rian and Zack rushed out to the idea of pizza. I sat next to him leaning on the wall and bent over to peek at his notebook but he pulled it closer to himself so I couldn’t see.

I sighed deeply “Let me check your waist.”

Alex stared at me with fear in his eyes. “No!” he snapped like a twig. I knew if he said no, he cut himself again. If he showed me I would have known.

“Why are you still cutting? You gave me your razors to stop. Didn’t you?”

He covered his face with him eyes and started mumbled “I stopping Jack. I swear I am! I cut myself the day after I gave you the razors. I’m stopping I promise. I couldn’t stop! I just as so mad at myself but I’m better now! I promise!”

“How are you better?” I couldn’t help but think he was lying. I know every time I said I’m fine it’s a lie. “What changed you from last week to this week?”

He pulled a grin out of hands and smiled foolishly. “Jack, I think I’m in love. I really really like this girl!” He chuckled and fell back onto the floor.

I smiled at the idea of Alex happy and not cutting. “Congrats buddy, who’s the lucky lady?”

He pulled himself off the floor and pulled out his phone. “Her name is Lisa. Lisa Ruocco.”

I knew Lisa. She grew up with us. While not Alex since he went to a different school. But Zack, Rian, and I all know who she is. She is going to be good for him.

“I’m proud of you Alex. I really am” I said patting him on the back. “Don’t take this the worse way but give a the razor now.”

He sighed and popped the back of cell phone out and handed me the razor. It was simple like the others. It was just a blade that he must have broken off a shaving razor. I rubbed my finger by the smooth sharp edge.

“I’ll not trying to tell you it’s a good thing to do. But it does take away some pain in a weird ironic way.” Alex spoke up.

I looked up him angrily. Why would he think I would do that. “Fuck off Gaskarth! I’m not going to cut!”

He rolled his eyes and get headed to his guitar. I forced the razor into my wallet and then deep into my pocket.

“So how are things with Lily?” Alex asked me curiously after about what felt like ten hours of silence “You never told me how things went at the party.”

How were things? She told me she wanted to just be friends but it all the truth I just don’t want to be her friend. I loved her so much yet she doesn’t feel the same. I couldn’t change her mind for her even though it would be the only wish I would make.

“We are friends.” I finally choked up “Just friends.” I couldn’t help but say the words even though the cut me so deeply. Just friends. It sounded like the name of a bad TV sitcom.

Rian and Zack entered the room with pizza but it didn’t stop Alex from bringing her up. Would should it even matter. They now know I like her and can just bring it up more. Before I knew it they were all talking about this relationship that wasn’t even there. I couldn’t even say something without getting cut off. The were having more fun planning my life out then I was having living it!

I silently grabbed my stuff and sneaked outside without them noticing. I just didn’t want to hear it anymore. I just want to go home, play with May, and go to sleep.

“Jack! Wait up!” called the friendly voice from behind me. There was Zack running over to me. I slowed my walk not wanting to stop. “What’s worse? Where are you going?” Zack asked reaching up to me.

“Home.” I told him quickly and sharply.

“Why?” asked the normally shy boy. I was friends with Zack but I never really talked to him about stuff like this. I’ve mostly been talking to Alex or I would just call up my brother, Joe, at college. Then again why shouldn’t I tell Zack?

“I’m just feeling depressed.” I told him “No big deal. I just-”

“You bothered by us talking about you and Lily?” he cut me off “I can’t tell you they are sorry but I am. I could tell it’s been bugging you. I feel bad. I will get them to stop.”

I nodded silently as we continued down the road. “Thanks Zack. It’s just not the part that’s been annoying me. Lily told me she wanted to just be friends. But I’m going to a graveyard with her because she told me she needed a friend.”

“Aren’t you afraid of graveyards”

“Painfully scared!” I shouted “I am going to end being the friend in the movie who has a crush on the girl the whole time. The even thing between those boy and me is, I could never tell her the truth. I’m just always be there. Maybe after awhile I won’t like her as much. I just don’t want to be that friend.”

He nodded as we silently made our we by the houses. “I can’t say I know how you feel. I never been put in a spot like that nor would I feel the same way if I was in the type of problem. But I know you Barakat, and the Barakat I know doesn’t take shit like this sitting down. You need to get a grip of yourself and tell her you can’t be friends. Just tell her your fear and tell her you trust her. She’ll understand if you are scared. Then just tell her you love her. I can tell you love her because you told us about her.”

“Damn Zack. You’re good at relationship shit! How do you not have a girlfriend?” I asked trying to change the conversation.

He gave out a little giggle. “I do exactly. Just haven’t told you guys.”

“What? Who?”

“She goes to St. Mary’s. Her name is Katie.” my jaw hit the ground. I would never guess he was hiding a girlfriend from us. Now I kind of feel like the dick. Fuck I am a dick.

“Congrats Zack!” I said pushing him playfully in the arm.