Waking Up with Headaches

(Jack‘s P.O.V)

I sat alone in my hotel room. No one was there but me. Everyone had someone but me. Like always. I hate being alone. I hate being in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way back. I hate that I fuck everything up for myself.

Bloody red makes made there way all up and down my arm. I was washing the red drops off my sore arm when a sharp knock came from the door. “Jack open up!” Zack shouted roughly. I jumped in fear curing under my breath.

Tossing on my gray hoodie quickly and crack the door just enough for him to see my head. My heart felt like it was beating in my arm making me feel sick. “What up?” I asked casually. His eyes searched me curiously like he knew what was worry. “I know I‘m a sexy beast and all but? You know the way your checking me out is pretty clear for me to see?”

He chuckled and pushed my scared arm in letting himself in. I grunted at the strong pain. He had pushed back too many opening. Widening the sores. I curled into my arm in so much pain. “Sorry man, I didn‘t mean to hurt you that bad.” Zack said shocked at my pain.

“It‘s fine. My arm is just sore.” I said trying to pull my act together. Zack mumbled on about something still giving me a curious look.

“So anyways, you would get ready soon for the club. We left at eight and it‘s…” He paused checking watch like a fool “Seven now. Are you sure your okay, Jack?” Biting hurt onto my bottom lip I nodded. Zack headed to the door. I was home free. “Yea so anyways just get- are you bleeding?”

My heart dropped in fear. I glanced down at my arms. The blood had bleed over the light hoodie and was showing a large circle of blood. I tried to lie but nothing was coming out of my dropped jaw.

“I fucking knew it, Jack! You‘re coming with me!” Zack yelled gapping behind my shoulder and pushing me forward. He couldn’t even look at my arm. He was weak just at the sight of the hearty red mess.

Becoming weak and light headed I tried to break away. “No! Just let me go Zack!” I shouted covering my arm as he gripped onto the jacket so I couldn’t run away.

He began yelling at me once we got into the elevator but I toned him out. I cared what he had to say but couldn’t focus. My stomach hurt, my heart was racing, everything was starting to slowly spin. I pulled the cotton sleeve down and noticed just how far the cut had gone down.

The skin was pulled to far back and roughly cut itself on the thin layer of the vein. Next thing I know is I am being shoved out of the elevator by Zack and into the main lobby. Someone started talking to Zack but I just was so out of it and shaking scared in fear.

A set of kind brown eyes forced me to look at them. “Jack! What the hell did you do to yourself!” Alex said madly supporting me “Lisa, go find the girls. We will be back later. Everything‘s fine!” Alex and Zack helped me outside and into a cab.

My eyes started to get heavy as the driver speeded down the busy city streets. My lungs burnt as I coughed painfully into my free hand. Alex had wrapped his jacket around my open wrist as the two both put a even more painfully amount of pressure.

I could barely speak as we pulled into the hospital entrance. The driver slammed on the breaks sending me into the glass window that separates us. Zack pulled me out quickly trying to get me inside before I hit the ground. He yelled for help and five nurses and doctor crowded around me. Poking and looking at the deep cut. Then a shocking pain came from my other arm where a nurse was giving me some form of a shot. The dizzy spinning room went black as my head fell back.

~~~~~

I looked up dizzy and confused in a hospital bed. My whole lower arm was bandaged up hiding all the scars. Sore and weak I sat myself up in the bed. The white walls keeping me from the other people. I glared over to a chart near my bed and noticed the word ‘suicidal’ written by my name.

Rubbing my head in disappointment I took a sip of water. “Look who‘s awake!” came a sing song voice from across the room “I thought we were going to have to go looking for a new guitarist for minute!” Alex joked sitting at the end of the hospital bed.

“Thanks I know I‘m not the best guitarist but I‘m still kicking!” I laughed sitting all the way up.

“Zack just went to call Rian and let him know we are going to be late coming back.” Alex sighed looking at the floor “What were you thinking Jack? I wasn‘t telling you to go and fucking try and kill yourself was I said it helps rest pain!”

Cupping my face into my hand I took a deep breath “I was not thinking! I didn‘t think it would go that deep, Alex! I swear! I just been so fucking depressed it‘s killing me!”

“No Jack! Depression isn‘t killing you! You are killing yourself!” He pointed to my hand filling my head with guilt. “I know I was a bad cutter but, not to a point where I was in the fucking E.R.! How are you so depressed that it lead to this?!”

I sighed still feeling sick to my stomach “I am in love with a girl I can‘t have. She is with my best friend! I am always, only, second best! I‘m so in love with this girl that she is the last person I‘ve even kissed and the only one I ever want to kiss again! AND I CAN‘T FUCKING HAVE HER!” I was beginning to shout.

The sound of the door clicked open as Zack came in silence over hearing my rant. He sat by Alex was I sat angry at myself. “Can we keep this our secret please?” I asked finally looking up at the two friends.

They just nodded. “As long as we do not have to come back to a hospital again soon.” Zack said cause Alex and I to chuckle. I looked at the clock and noticed an hour had passed “You guys should go. They will probably have to keep me over night anyway. I refuse to ruin the night! Go get drank and take a shot for me!” I told them focusing a smile.

They tried to argue with me but I talked them into leaving. As they walked out the door Zack stopped for a minute and turned to me “I‘m sorry Jack” He spoke up rubbing the back of his neck

“For what?”

“I found the razor in the Merrikat Mix CD and did not know what to do. So I acted like I never saw it when I should had said something.” He sighed. I tried to cut him off to tell him it’s no his fault but he stopped me “If I said something you would not be here now. I‘m sorry.”

“Zack, I made my bed, now I have to lay in it” I laughed patching the hospital bed “Drink up for me since I‘m not dead yet!”

He laughed and left. Leaving me once again… alone.