The Runaway Bride

“How to be brave,
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall...
I have died everyday waiting for you”

- Christina Perri , “A Thousand Years”

Forgiving was an easy thing, but forgetting now that was a different story. Especially if the one you loved most was the one that hurt you. Paul hated feeling weak, what man didn’t? He had once loved, but lost. What man didn’t hate losing? His world no longer had any color. It was gray. There was no sun, no light, but when he was with her he could feel a small ray of sunshine taking over. His world could see a splash of color. But he was afraid, and which man would admit to that?

Paul sighed maneuvering himself on the couch. He hated to admit this, but he needed Embry. He had been such an idiot. Embry had put up with so much from him and he still treated him like crap. He felt even more alone than before. Dare he say, but Embry was his best friend. He knew what he needed to do. He was tired of being angry all the time.

He had been selfish to all his pack members. He sighed. It was time to learn to live again, the right way. Violet or no Violet. Even though losing her again sent a pain through his chest. He couldn’t allow himself to take her back. He couldn’t bear to lose again. Things were better this way. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and he had been a sore loser, but he was tried of being pathetic.

He stood up from his couch. He wanted to make things right again. He grabbed his keys and left his house. He needed to make a quick stop somewhere before making amends.

***

He walked up the steps carefully with a paper bag in his hands. It had been a long time since he had shown any emotions or vulnerability. He knocked on the door softly even though he regularly would have just barged in. Embry opened the door as soon as he saw Paul he crossed his arms giving him a scowl.

“What do you want?” Embry said not in his originally happy tone.

“I came to apologize….” Paul rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

Embry raised an eyebrow “YOU came to apologize?’

“Yeah” Paul nodded.

“Well then what are you waiting for?” Embry said not making it any easy for him.

Paul sighed, “I’m sorry for the way I have been acting. I’ve been the biggest asshole, theses past years. I treated everyone like crap especially you. And I’m sorry, Embry, I should have never treated you that way. You’re my—my--“Paul cleared his throat “Best friend” he mumbled. “And I got you this” Paul said lifting up the paper bag filled with 4 burgers and some fries.

Embry stood there observing him, but then cracked a smile. He couldn’t stay mad at the guy; he had brought him some burgers.

“They better have mustard on them” Embry took the bag from Paul and going back inside with Paul following along knowing that everything was good. After all they were bros.

They went to the living room and sat down on the couch.

“So how are things with you and Violet?” Embry asked taking a bite out of a burger.

Paul groaned.

“That bad?” Embry asked.

“I don’t know”

“Tell me something honestly Paul. Do you still love her?”

“No” Paul said flatly.

Embry turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe” Paul crossed his arms.

“I’m going to take that as a yes, and tell you to quit being a bitch and go talk to her” he took another bite of his hamburger.

“Thanks for being so understanding” Paul said sarcastically.

Embry shrugged “It’s what I do” he put his food down. “But seriously Paul, when the heck are you going to talk to her about what happened? You know you’re dying to know why she left and frankly so am I”

“It’s not that easy Embry!” Paul said getting frustrated.

“It’s not easy because you’re not making it easy! Just go talk to her, find out why she left then make out with her”

Paul chuckled not being able to help it. “Your logic s stupid”

“But effective” he shrugged. “You know you’ve missed her and in all honesty all of us have too, but nobody says anything because they all have to be on your side, well except Leah, she hates your guts… and Seth, that little bugger loves everyone”

“I just—ugh” Paul passed a hand over his face “I don’t even know anymore” he sat up putting his knuckles under his chin.

“Sure you do” Embry said putting his food back down “You know how frantic you got when you heard she was in an accident and we couldn’t find her. You practically screamed out your love for her. And don’t deny it either” Embry added when he saw Paul opening his mouth making him close it. “We all heard you. Think about it this way. Now that she’s back, could you really live with her walking away again? She wants to stay this time Paul, but you’re pushing her away. One day she’ll give up and walk away for good, then you’ll be in the same position you were when she left. Only this time it will be worst, because you let her go”

Paul stared at Embry dumbfounded. He had never heard Embry talk with so much reason. Embry was usually always joking around and well being a fool. But his words got to him. Could he really let Violet walk away without him putting a fight this time?

“What do I do?” Paul asked sounding so forlorn.

“Did you not hear anything I said?” Embry rolled his eyes exasperated “Talk to her!”

“Do you think she’ll listen?” Paul asked worried, which was new for Embry. Paul always looked like he had things under control.

“She loves you” Embry soften his voice “She’ll listen. You know where she is. Probably suffering at Emily’s house” Embry shook his head. “Have you even gone to see how she is? It’s been what? A week and a half since you left her there? You know Emily won’t hurt her…physically, but I don’t know.”

“I know what you mean” Paul nodded sighing. “Emily can’t stand Violet. When I dropped her off there, Emily wouldn’t even look at her. She showed her to her room and slammed the door when she left. Emily was acting like a fucking child," Paul growled.

“And did you do anything to make Violet feel better?” Embry raised an eyebrow.

“Well--not exactly” Paul said feeling guilty reminiscing.

Paul opened the door to Violet’s ‘new room’. He had her duffle bags around his shoulder and threw them roughly on the ground.

“Hey! Watch that!” Violet yelled glaring at him.

“Whatever” Paul shrugged his shoulders indifferent.

“You’re so freakin’ bipolar” Violet mumbled not aware that Paul could hear her every word.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be so bi-polar, if you would have never returned” Paul retorted.

Violet huffed exasperated. At this point she was getting really tried of all of his insults. He was the one that had offered to take her to Emily and now he was being a complete jerk. A girl could only take so much. The fact that her body was in pain only amplified her anger.

“No, I think you still would have been a dick whether I returned or not” she blurted out giving him a sarcastic smile. Paul looked at her taken aback. Violet hardly ever cussed especially at him. He was so shocked he couldn’t think of anything to say back.

“Whatever” Paul growled pushing past her and opening the door roughly.

“Looks like I win” Violet sang. Paul stopped himself before leaving the room. He turned around rushing towards her. He stopped when he was face to face with her, but Violet didn’t back down and lifted her chin up in defiance. Paul clenched his jaw, his nostrils flared. If anyone had seen him they would have said he had the eyes of a murderer. If this would have been a man Paul would have taken him out in an instant, and not hesitated but this wasn’t a man. This was Violet. So when he was about to say something he couldn’t think of anything to say and stumbled with his words. He wanted to lash out at her and hurt her feelings, but he ended up sounding like a moron instead. When he finally gave up trying to ‘win’ the argument he lifted his hands in the air angrily turned around and slammed the door.

Violet sighed and sat on the corner of the bed. She looked around the room. She was in a house where she wasn’t wanted. This didn’t feel like winning.

“You’re an idiot,” Embry said shaking his head in disappointment.

“What the hell was I suppose to do?” Paul asked helpless.

“I don’t know why didn’t you try something along the lines of ‘Hey Violet, I know I act like I hate your guts, but you know what? I’m still in love with you. Only that my ego macho self doesn’t let me see past my nose. So what do you say we forget our differences and go have some makeup sex?’”

Paul grabbed a pillow and chucked it at Embry’s head “That has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard!”

“Any thing would have been better than they way you reacted!”

Paul sighed frustrated “You’ve never been in my spot, you don’t understand how hard it is!”

“You’re right I don’t understand, but tell me something, why do you always suddenly get so angry when you’re around her? I mean look at you now, you’re chill, but when you’re with her you become his different sick twisted guy”

“I don’t know” Paul said tiredly. That was a lie. He knew why, he was afraid if he didn’t have this tough shell on him he would end up getting hurt all over again. It’s like he had this shield up every time he was around her. He became nasty and angry trying to hurt her. He wanted to hurt her the same way she had hurt him, but there was a part of him that never truly lashed out at her as much as he wanted, because at the same time he was afraid that he would scare her off.

“You need to know he truth” Embry finally said quietly. “You might not notice it, but it’s eating you slowly”

Paul nodded “I notice it, trust me I more than notice. I can feel it when I wake up when I go to sleep. It’s at the pit of my stomach and it makes me sick to think about why she left.”

“You need to find out sooner than later”

Paul stayed quiet lost in thought. All these years he had ignored wanting to know the truth, he had hid it deep inside of him. He had told himself it wasn’t worth his time, but now he needed to know. It was driving him insane. Ever since she had walked into his life again he had that question stuck on his mind. No matter how much he tried to push it away or hide it, it was there. He tired of living obliviously.

“Paul go to her,” Embry said softly.

But he couldn’t.

****

Week two at Emily’s house was still awkward but not as much. At least Emily was no longer making snide remarks after Sam had taken her in the room and had a nice long talk with her. Sam was civil with her. She could tell he felt uncomfortable with her, but at least he treated her with some respect. He didn’t joke around with her or had long conversations how they use to and that was understandable. She had lost everyone’s trust. At least Sam was courteous towards her.

She hadn’t seen Paul since he had dropped her off at Emily’s. She couldn’t day she had missed him. She felt emotionally drained. She felt like it was a mistake coming back. She wasn’t welcomed. She thought maybe she could have fixed things, fight for Paul, but the battle seemed lost. She had lost the day she had walked away.
Paul had not been too kind when he dropped her off. Paul didn’t help with the awkwardness of staying at Emily’s. Not a single reassuring smile. He had had the same scowl and frown that had once been foreign to his chiseled shaped face. She wanted to cry, but she didn’t have the strength. She felt broken. She was defeated. Paul didn’t want her anymore. She was just an obstacle in the way. She should have never come back. It was a mistake. She had learned her lesson. There was only one chance to do things right and she had destroyed that long ago. She sighed. She was tired. No more fighting for Paul. She would just take his rejection and insults and get on with her life.

It was a scary thought, not having Paul in her life anymore, but she had managed it once. She could do it again, right? She bit down on her lip to keep her lip from quivering. There was large knot in her throat. Paul doesn’t want you, get over it she scowled herself. But the tears slowly moved down her face and there was nothing she could do.

What was someone to do when the person you loved didn’t love you anymore?

There was a firm knock on he door.

“Come in” Violet called out shyly because it wasn’t her house. Emily entered the room with the same scowl she had received in her home with. She had a tray in her hands with food.

“I made you breakfast” Emily said dryly placing the tray on the bed.

“Thanks Emily” Violet said meaning it.

Emily didn’t answer anything, turned around and walked towards the door.

“Emily!” Violet called out before, she could leave.

Emily huffed annoyed “What?” she spat.

“I’m sorry” Violet said softly catching Emily by surprise. Emily turned around giving Violet a skeptical look. Emily’s stone expression soon softened and turned into one of hurt.

“How could you Violet?”

“I have my reasons,” she said softly.

“That’s all you have to say?” Emily said feeling her anger bubble inside of her. “You left your family behind! You were like my sister! You left without saying anything! How could you! You were going to be my maid of honor! But most importantly, look what you did to Paul!”

“I’m sorry” Violet whispered again not knowing what else to say other than apologize.

“He could barely get out of bed for the longest time Violet! He was dead, you killed him. He barely ate or talked to anyone, he was like a ghost. He would stay up all night hoping and praying you would be safe and maybe come back to him, because he was wiling to forgive. But when he finally realized you weren’t coming back, he completely shut himself down. He became a different Paul. He was angry all the time, he was mean and sarcastic. He started to drink and party. You made him that way!” Emily accused angrily almost shaking.

“Don’t you think I know that!” Violet screamed. “I know what I did! But I had to! I love him, and it was hard to walk away but I had to. I wanted him to be happy!”

“If you wanted him to be happy then why the hell did you abandon him? The least he deserved was an explanation!”

“I-I- I couldn’t tell him”

“Why!” Emily bellowed “Why couldn’t you!”

“Because, Emily! Because I was—“ Violet stopped herself abruptly.

Emily’s controlled her harsh breath “Paul loved you, the least you can do is give him the peace of knowing what went wrong. We were family once Violet, and I still can’t believe that changed.” Emily said shaking her head disappointed.

“I never meant to hurt anyone, Emily” Violet lowered her voice. “You were like my sister and I still love you like one, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for your wedding I’m sorry for so many things… and you all deserve an explanation… you’re right. I can’t keep hiding it anymore. “

Violet took a deep breath and with a shaky voice finally confessed.

***

It had been three weeks since Paul had last seen Violet. She was finally home, so Leah told him. He made himself stay away. He didn’t know how he had managed it, but he did. Leah would angrily tell him how Violet was, because she wanted him to man up, but she understood where he was coming from and informed him anyways.

Paul sat on the couch in his living room. He was alone something he was use to after Violet left. He buried his head inside his hands. He was a strong man, there was no denying that, but at that time he felt so weak. He felt like he was losing, but he didn’t know what. He wanted to hate her, he really did, but he just couldn’t. the more he tried to stay away the more he was pulled back in. He loved her. He never wanted to stop loving her. He needed to know. Why did she leave! Why the fuck did she put him through all that! Did she not see how much he loved her? How much he wanted to see her happy? To grow old with her? She had been his first and only love.

What had he done wrong? What had made her leave? He had tried to ignore this question, but it was eating him p inside. What had he done to deserve this.

“I will always love you” She whispered before he fell asleep”

He knew Embry was right not knowing why she left was eating him up. In reality he was afraid to know the truth.

He heard a soft knock on his front door. He turned off the TV and went to open the door. He was surprised to see Violet’s small frame in front of him.

She smiled weekly up at him.

“Hi”

Paul didn’t respond he gazed at her puzzled.

“What are you doing here?” he finally managed to ask.

“I came to thank you”

“For what?”

“I never actually thanked you for saving my life. So thank you. I know you don’t like me and it probably took a lot for you too come and find me, so thank you for putting your hate towards me aside. If it wasn’t for you I’d probably be dead.”

“You really think I would have left you out there to die?” Paul asked not displaying any emotion.

Violet shrugged.

“You really think that low of me?” Paul asked insulted

Violet sighed, “Paul just accept the apology. I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I’m done”

“You’re done!” Paul exclaimed “Don’t you think I’m done! What the fuck did you expect coming back here Violet!” Paul grabbed from her arm and pulled her towards her car”

“Paul, just please stop” she pleaded.

“You just need to stay away from me” he yelled putting her against her car and blocking her way out. “I was doing good! I was doing so damn good!” Pain reflected through his eyes. He moved out of her way, “I can’t deal with you anymore Violet. You broke me”. He shook his head finally letting his pain win him over, “You broke me” he turned around and walked forward

“Paul, wait!” she yelled desperately. She felt all the power in her leave her as he took steps forward. Each stepped stabbed at her heart. “I was dying!” she cried out.

Paul stopped dead in his tracks. “What?” he turned to face her, shock written all over his face.

She wiped the tears that slipped down to her face “I had cancer and I was dying” she confessed.

Paul, couldn’t believe what he was hearing, she was lying. This had to be another of her lies! It just had to!

“You’re lying” he whispered hurt.

She shook her head as more tears fell. “No, I found out a month before the wedding. Remember all those times I got sick?” Paul nodded “Well, it wasn’t the flu” she laughed sadly.

“What’s the matter, honey?” Paul asked worriedly as he sat on the bed next to Violet who was laying inside the covers.

“I don’t feel too good”

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I have the flu” she moaned “My head is burning! But I’m so cold” she shivered.

“Do you need anything?” Paul asked wanting to make her feel better.

“Can you hold me?” she asked.

Paul smiled lightly at her “Always.” He got under the covers with her and hugged her tightly to him kissing her head.

“Get better babe, for me, yeah?”

She chuckled

“No matter how deadly sick I am, Paul I will always find a way to get back to you” she snuggled into his chest.

“Promise?” he asked.

“Promise.” She whispered falling asleep on his chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Paul felt anger bursting out of him.

“I don’t know” she said ashamed “I was scared”

“Of what!” he demanded, “You don’t think I would have wanted to be there for you?”

“I was scared Paul!” she cried out desperately “I didn’t want you too see me like that! I was dying and I didn’t want you to watch me die. The doctors gave me a forty percent chance of living. Do you really think I wanted you to suffer all that with me? I would rather have had you hate me than watch me die.” She cried harder “I lost my hair, I became sickly thin, my body was marked with bruises. I lived in the hospital I just couldn’t have you see me like that.” More tears fell down to her face “You wouldn’t have loved me anymore”

“How could you say that?” he asked hurt “I would have loved you the same and more as the first time”

She shook her head crying “No you wouldn’t. I would have just been a burden to you. I couldn’t be that to you Paul, so I left. I wanted you to be happy.”

“How could you have expected me to be happy without you? I loved you Violet! My world completely stopped without you!” he yelled with anguish.

“I’m sorry Paul! I’m sorry! I never meant for you to hurt this badly! I just wanted the best for you and if that was without me then so be it!”

“How could you have been so selfish?” he whispered with agony.

“I never meant to be selfish” she took a shaky breath “I got better because of you. I wanted to come back to you. I needed to come back to you! Maybe I was selfish, I didn’t want to die knowing I would leave you behind, even if you did hate me. I always wanted to come back to you”

“I waited so long for you to come back Violet, and when I finally gave up and decided to move on you come to me with this?” he shook his head “I can’t do this with you anymore Violet, I can’t” he turned around and walked away leaving Violet crying harder and more heartbroken than before.

Telling the truth only hurt.