Arrangements

After showering and telling Astrid I would rather stay home than go out to eat, I changed my sheets and got into bed. I was emotionally drained and tired. I tried to watch TV, but the constant thought of Gerard kept creeping up on me.

I hit my pillow beneath me and cursed his name. Dobbie and Doobie looked at me cautiously and scattered down the stairs. I didn't blame them, I was too crazy to be around at the moment.

So, I laid in my bed and tried to sleep. Just as I was drifting off, I heard the front door open and slam close. I groaned, "Don't slam the door! I hate when you do that!"

There was silence, so I assumed Astrid was pissed off at something. I shook my head and continued to watch TV. That's when I heard her coming up the stairs. Well, I assumed it was her.

The shadowy figure stood at my open bedroom. I got scared for a moment, until I turned the light on. I groaned once more, "What are you doing here Gerard?"

Gerard looked angry, "I want you out of my fucking head!"

"What? I--"

"No, listen to me," he stormed across my room, "I told you some shit that I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, especially some bitch. Now that I did, I can't stop thinking about you! Everything my Grandma said is coming true!" 

His emotions turned quickly; anger, surprise and fear.

I kneeled up in the bed, my loose buttoned baseball t-shirt fell forward, "What's coming true?" I asked him softly, crawling to the end of the bed.

"You! You are!" I stepped back, "I can't...you and me, it shouldn't happen!"

"Why? Why not?"

"I don't do love! I've had so many other girls fuck me over, and I can't have it again, especially since my Grandma--" he stopped himself.

He had a look of despair and confusion. I didn't know what to say, I was just as confused.

"Gerard, I..." my head spun, "Why did you come back?"

He sighed, shoulders slumping, "I'm gonna say something that you cannot throw back in my face."

I sat back on my heels, "I wouldn't think of it." I mumbled sarcastically.

"I'm being serious, Stormy." He gave me another angry look.

"I won't." I told him.

He tighten his jaw, "I...I need you."

I raised my brow, "Why do you need me?" I sounded like a child.

"Because, I'm using you, remember?" He had a bored tone to his voice.

"Whatever. You don't need me."

He stepped up to me, he put his hands on my shoulders, "I need you, alright? I may act like a jerk, and this so fucking hard for me to admit, but I need you."

"Why?"

He squeezed my shoulders gently, "Because my Grandma told me that I do. She said..." he shut his eyes, his hands slipping down to my forearms, "she said that you could take care of me..."

I furrowed my brows, "I'm still confused." my voice was low, still child-like.

"She knew about my drinking and my drugs and begged me to stop...then she said...something that made me think she was delusional."

"What did she say?"

"It's cliche." He muttered, "Sometimes I think I'm over my head thinking this."

I sighed in anticipation, "Gerard, just tell me."

"It's always calm before the storm." He bit at his lip, hands back on my shoulders, "She died a day later, and then I remembered you and thought maybe it was a sign."

"But...she didn't say it was me who could take care of you?"

He shook his head, "The girl. She said, the girl with a better view of the world...always calm before the storm." I could tell he was reciting her words, "Then at the funeral, I saw your mom and dad and then it clicked. Storm - Stormy."

"What if I'm not the girl?" 

"You are. And it bothers me."

"Why?" I felt hurt surge again.

"Because of how I've treated you and you're so...sweet." He grimaced slightly, "Too sweet for me. I'm a bastard, I don't deserve you."

My heart pounded in my ears, "Gerard...I don't know what to say."

He closed his eyes and licked his lips, "Just say you'll take care of me...please?" he opened his eyes

I held my breath, "Are you gonna throw that in my face? Are you gonna fuck with me?"

He shook his head, "No, I promise."

I closed my eyes, his hands slipped down my arms again, "Does the fact that you may actually fall in love with me frighten you?"

He furrowed his brows, meeting my gaze once I opened my eyes, "Yes."

"Because I might hurt you?" He nodded, "Do you believe I'd hurt you?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't."

"I still don't trust anyone but myself."

I sighed, "Fine. I...I can try and be what you want me to be."

"Just be yourself. You know the truth now. Don't fuck me over." His hand brushed against my cheek, then took hold my waist with the other.

"Don't fuck with me." I countered, "I won't fuck with you if you don't fuck with me."

Gerard grinned, leaning forward and kissing me slowly. He pulled away, pressing his forehead against mine, "I won't. Promise you'll stay on the tour with me?"

I shrugged, "You'll take care of me?"

He chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose, "If you take care of me."

"Then, I think we have a deal."

He squeezed my waist, "I really need to make up to you."

"No...it's okay--"

"It's not okay. I've been an asshole. I want you all to myself."

I felt my stomach erupt with butterflies. Dammit.

"Whatever you want."

"How about, I take you to a late dinner, then we come back here and fool around and watch a movie?"

I smiled, "Sounds good to me."