Arrangements

Alex came back a few minutes later, and I joined him back at the table. He looked a bit distracted, and I couldn't help but to think about what maybe Gerard might've said while I was away. I wanted to ask, but Gerard was sitting there, playing with his phone.

"You OK, Alex?" I finally asked.

He looked at me and smiled, "Yeah, why? Do I look weird or something?" He gave a short laugh.

"You look distracted." I told him.

He shrugged, "I have a lot of things on my mind...and my plate."

"What's up?"

"Next week, when we do the design work on my studio, it has to be quick, because everyone is waiting on the final mixes of our EP." 

"Oh. I'm sure it'll be quick. We just need a lot of fans and blow dryers." I smiled at him, "I could even work late for you."

"I couldn't ask that of you," Alex blushed, and I felt my cheeks grow warm as well, "It'll all get done in due time."

I nodded, smiling, but I felt Gerard glaring at us. I swallowed thickly, letting my smile drop, and I looked at Gerard, he just shook his head. I felt terrible...I felt like I was cheating on him, even if I was working.

We only worked for another half hour before we decided to meet up the next day. Gerard and I said our goodbyes, and left the building. The rain had let up, but out was still freezing outside. I had wanted to hold Gerard's hand, but he stuffed his hands in his jacket. I knew he was upset.

When we got to my car, he took the keys from me. I furrowed my brows at him, feeling the stung in my freezing palms, where he had ripped the keys from my hand. I got into the passenger side, while he got in the driver side; he didn't say a word as he started the car and let it idle before punching the gas.

"What the hell?!" I snapped at him; the car skidded onto the road and nearly wiped out.

He looked over at me, his hazy eyes narrowed, "I'm pissed off."

I groaned, inwardly, "What did I do?" I asked angrily.

"I'm not pissed at you!" He snapped, making me flinch towards the door.

I was hesitant to speak, afraid of what may come next. As stupid as it sounds, I thought he was gonna hit me. I waited, and nothing happened; he just continued to drive, until we got to a secluded area, and the rain began to come down. 

He parked, turned the engine off, but the car radio was on, playing nothing. He leaned back in his seat and looked at me, there was still anger in his eyes, but it was dull. 

"You look like I hit you." He said finally.

"I thought you were." I muttered quickly.

He sighed, "I'd never hit you on purpose."

Again, we were quiet and I waited. I knew there was something lingering in him, but I didn't want to be the one to bring it out. I watched Gerard, and he glanced at me, finally, fishing his leather jacket for cigarettes. I opened the glove compartment and grabbed the pack of Marlboros I saved for him. He smiled at me, taking the pack, and pushed in the lighter; it popped a second later and he lit up.

"Thanks." He mumbled.

"I picked up a pack when I bought my own...rainy day type thing." I told him.

He smiled at me, showing off those funny teeth of his. It only made me grin at him like an idiot. 

"I'm sorry for being in a pissy mood. I'm pissed off at myself." he took a long drag, hallowing his cheeks until he was satisfied. He held the smoke in, rolling the window down just a bit and blowing the smoke out.

"Why?" 

He looked at me, placing the cigarette at the corner of his mouth, "You and that guy would make a much better couple than you and I. He said so himself."

My jaw slacked, "Alex said that? To you?"

He nodded, "That's why I was pissed. Not because of what he said, but because...it's true."

I frowned, "Gee, it isn't--"

He stopped me, "It is, true, Stormy!" he snubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray, "You're being stubborn again. That, or you're just being nice."

"Gerard, just because Alex and I have similar interest, and we get along well doesn't mean that we should be together. Me and you have an endearing relationship that wipes me out at times, but I...I wouldn't change it."

His emotions were hard to real and the heat radiating off his body wasn't helping either. I wasn't sure what Gerard was thinking, or how he was feeling.

He opened his mouth, "All we have in common is that our parents were friends and we have a great sex life."

It felt like a stab in the back, truly. It hurt my feelings that he only had this in his mind, that he was trying to pull his love away from me. All because of something Alex said, and I didn't know what to say or really how to feel. I wasn't mad at Alex, I was mad at Gerard for taking this shit to heart. I hated myself for not being able to form the correct words to make him understand how much I love him.

"Do you believe I don't love you, Gerard, and I'm fucking around with you? Do you think I like wasting my time, hurting, and loving you because I like it?" I felt myself unraveling in front him -once again.

"I wouldn't put it past you, you being a sadist." He joked.

"This isn't funny," I mumbled, "you don't understand me, and you probably won't." I crossed my arms  across my chest, "I need to know, Gerard. I need to know what you want from me, so I can stop wasting my time. There are things I want, too, you know."

There was a hard silence, the only sound was the pounding rain, and our breathing. Gerard shifted, he looked at me, but I kept my eyes to the floor. 

"I want you to be happy." He finally uttered.

"I'm happy with you."

Gerard looked at me with furrowed brows, then looked away. Just like him to shun away and hide from me. This is another time I wanted him to be honest with me, to tell me how he felt, no matter how brutal it was. But, getting any truth from him was like pulling teeth. It wasn't going to be easy.

"You better talk to me." I said angrily, "Tell me what you're thinking."

He looked at me, "I think that you're stupid and you're crazy."

"Why? Because I'm happy with you? Because I don't want anyone else?" My mouth moved quicker than my mind.

"Yes!" Gerard shot back at me, "How could you want me?" He looked at me, repulsed, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I stared at him, "A lot of things are wrong with me. I love you. And, I believe that you're more than insecure, and you need to snap out of it."

He shook his head, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Every time in settled in, happy that you're with me, someone else has to make me wonder..."

"Who?" I pressed.

"Does it matter?" He gripped the steering wheel.

"Yes."

He ran a hand through his hair, "Frank and Mikey...I think it's because of all of the mess we go through." He spoke absentmindedly.

I furrowed my brows, "You don't need to listen to them, Gee." I placed my hand on his thigh, "You know I love you, and that I don't want anyone else...it could be anyone else, but I'd rather it be you, I'm with."

Gerard looked at me, searching my face for any fault, if I were lying or telling the truth. A small smile tugged at his lips and he smiled at me. He let go of the steering wheel and took my hand in his.