Arrangements

I seemed to embrace the band of guys pretty well. Ray was the one to really talk to me, aside from Bob. Ray would go on and on about the graphics of this video game, and asked me my thoughts on different types of art. He was very interested in the fact that Gerard had spent so much money on my art, too, which surprised me.

“He usually doesn’t buy art,” Ray shrugged, “Ever since—“

“Cut it, Toro!” Gerard had come in from the back lounge.

He was the only one who wouldn’t talk to me.

“What?” Ray raised his brow.

Everyone was looking over at him, “Don’t talk shit about me when I’m not here.”

Ray rolled his eyes, “I was just talking to Stormy about art. Jesus.”

“Whatever.” Gerard walked away from us, and towards the back lounge.

“Should I go talk to him?” I asked aloud to them.

They all gave me weird looks, slightly shrugging. I turned to Mikey, and he just sighed, “Yeah, just be gentle, Storm.”

I nodded and stood, walking, steadying myself on the moving bus, towards the back. I approached the closed door and knocked. There was shuffle, and then the door slid open; Gerard met eyes with me, he looked down and raised his brow, “What?”

“Can we talk?” I asked softly, hoping he wouldn’t snap at me.

“I guess.” He shrugged and let me in.

He closed the door behind him, “I’m sorry if I’m invading your space or causing a riff—“

“You aren’t doing anything. I invited you, remember? I let you in the room.” He went over to the couch and sat.

He place a sea foam green guitar on his lap and I smiled, “Is that an electric Fernandez Stratocaster?”

He, again, raised his brow at me as I sat beside him, “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I use to be in love with Billie Joe from Green Day, and I love his guitar, Blue. I wanted one just like it when I was 15.” I told him, “I told my parents, but all I got was art supplies.”

“Can you play?” He asked, strumming a few cords.

“No,” I shook my head, “Astrid can. I don’t think I can ever play an instrument.”

“I can’t really play either… I mean, I can come up with some good riffs, but never play them live.”

“You never took lessons?” He shook his head, “I guess you sing better than you play, right?”

“Yeah.” He looked down, and I knew then that I was stepping on dangerous territory.

“So, um…I really like your album, Bullets. It’s fantastic, Demolition Lovers is my favorite song,” I gushed softly, “Your voice is so…raw.”

He gave me a small look of confusion, then smiled, “I don’t think I could sing ballads.”

“Y’know, I don’t mean to be nosy or anything, but was that album written for a girl?”

“A little bit. This album has more of a concept though.”

“Like a story.” I murmured to myself, “Is it hard to write like that? I mean, to write music in a story form?”

He shook his head, “Pretty easy for me…I use to write and draw cartoons and comics.”

“Oh. When’s this album coming out?”

“October.” He set his guitar to the side, “Look, uh, Stormy, I didn’t mean to insult you, y’know.”

“About my art?” He nodded, “It’s okay, I shouldn’t be so sensitive.”

“So, we’re cool?” He leaned back against the couch.

“I guess, why wouldn’t we be?” I questioned, crossing my legs.

“I’ve been an asshole to you.”

I smiled, “It’s alright, I’ve been treated worse.”

He raised his brow at me, “What?”

“My ex,” I started slowly. I knew I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, “He was a real asshole to me.”

Gerard sat back up and looked me over, “What did he do?”

“He was just a jerk,” I waved it off as nothing, when really, these feelings were only harbored. These feelings were coming out when I had shallowly buried them.

“He didn’t beat you up, did he?”

I laughed, “No, he was such a fucking pansy. He was just really rude and insulted me a lot. He was controlling, but he never hit me.” I looked away, memories marred my mind, “Sometimes I wish he did, because the physical pain fades faster than the emotional pain.”
“Why were you with him?” Gerard asked softly.

I looked at him, “It was safe. We were together for 3 years, I thought he’d marry me, but…y’know he likes women more than he liked me.”

“Did you love him?”

I felt my eyes water as I looked away, “Yeah. Crazy as that sounds, I did love him.”

“Do you miss him?”

“No…” I lied, “just a little.” I mumbled after.

“You shouldn’t.”

I shook my head, meeting his eyes again, “Not to quote you, but sometimes I feel like I’ll die alone.” I gave a lame chuckle. “I should go now,” I felt tears and emotion coming over me, “let you finish what you were working on.”

I stood up to leave, but Gerard grabbed a hold of my arm, “Wait, Storm,” I turned to him, “I…I’m sorry about your shitty boyfriend.”

I gave him a tight smile, “Yeah, me too.” His grip went limp and I walked out of the room.
I closed the door behind me and exhaled heavily, heading to the bathroom to have a good –silent- cry.

-

We had arrived at a venue in Philadelphia a few hours later. No one knew I had cried, and I was glad. I didn’t like to explain myself more than I had to. I had washed up my face and went and played video games with Bob and Ray. I was distancing myself from what I had been holding back. For some reason, Gerard brought them to the surface, and I was slowly resenting him for doing so.

I mean, he never, ever gave me a real answer to his outburst. He never told me what he was harboring, so why should I? Well, I fucking did, and I wish I hadn’t.

I don’t like people to pity me, because people who pity you look down on you. Pity is something that makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel as if I’m broken, when I am truly not.

I shouldn’t have agreed to this, but hell, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Who the hell knew that I’d be on a such an emotional trip? I wish Astrid was here, she’d truly help me.

“Hey, Storm,” Frank called out to me as I sat in their dressing room, sketching, “Astrid’s on the phone.”

I raised my brow as he handed me his sidekick phone, “Astrid?”

“Hey Storm! How are you?” She sounded to happy; but maybe it’s because she woke up.

“It’s 3pm in California, you just woke up, didn’t you?” I asked.

“You know me so well, Storm.”

“Yes, I do. And, um why are you calling me from Frank’s phone?” I looked over at Frank, who gave me one of those wide grins of his.

“Because…” she sang softly.

“Because,” I mimicked her, “why?”

“Because we exchanged numbers, y’know. I wanted to make sure my big sis is being taken care of.”

I rolled my eyes, “You so want his dick don’t you?”

Everyone looked at me, and I momentarily felt embarrassed.

“Ooh, Stormy Jaco is getting ballsy without me?” She giggled, “And, yes, maybe I do want his dick. That’s none of your business.”

“Whatever, Trid.”

“But, in all seriousness, how are you? Are you okay?”

“Considering I left Jersey a few hours ago, I am perfect.” I lied a little.

“Fucking liar.”

Thing about Astrid, she knows me too damn well. She knows how my voice gets when I’m happy, sad, mad –anything! It was like she was a human lie detector.

“I’m okay.”

“No you aren’t. Wait until I see you, I’m not going to forget.”

“Yeah, I know."

“Okay!” I smiled, “I’ll talk to you later, give the phone back to Frankie.”

“Well, geez, I love you too, Astrid.”

She laughed, “I love you Stormz!”

I shook my head and waved Frank over and handed him the phone.

Gosh, I miss my sister.