Everywhere Everything

“What did you think?” Brayden asked me, walking hand in had back to his truck. “Is it as fancy as the University of Washington?”

“Nah,” I shrugged. “They’re about the same.”

“Oh,” he looked disappointed.

“This one does have a few more pros than U of W, though.” I watched as his lips twisted upward in a slight smirk.

“Such as?”

“Well, the mascot is a sun devil. How cool is that?” He chuckled and shook his head, tugging back on my hand so my body pressed perfectly into his.

“Admit that I am a on the pro’s list,” he demanded softly, planting a kiss to my forehead.

“No., because you’re just one boy.” I teased, pulling back slightly and looking up at him. “In Washington I have tons of boys and if you ask me, tons of boys is better than just one.”

“But do they take you to Chipotle for lunch after taking you on a tour of a college that they are also going to? Hm? Do they drive your cute ass around in 100 degree weather to visit lots of houses so that you can read these really awesome letters from your mom?”

“Yeah. They do. But they don’t read them for me when I ask them to.”

“See. I’m obviously better,” he said, rubbing his thumb over my cheek and kissing my lips softly.

“They kiss better though,” I shrugged, earning a glare from Brayden.

“Shit,” he sighed. “I just can’t win.”

“Eh,” I shrugged, wrapping my arms around his neck and standing up on my tiptoes to reach his eye level a little better. “You win all of the awards, kid. All of them.”

“Thank god,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss me again, pushing me backwards towards his truck, not breaking the kiss at all.

//\\//\\

“So,” he grabbed the card out of my grasp and looked down at the address. He handed it back to me and started the truck. “You ready to try on that bridesmaids dress?”

“Oh yeah,” I sighed, staring out of the window. “Excited.”

“It’ll be fine, I promise,” he chuckled, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “It’s not like you have to walk down the aisle with some stranger. I will be with you.”

“I know,” I forced a smile and looked over at him. “It’ll be really cool to see everyone again.”

“Yeah, and you get to meet my brothers fiancé. She’s cool. A little on the crazy side, but cool.”

“Yeah?” I asked, biting my lip. I had no idea why I was so nervous; I knew Brayden wouldn’t let anything happen. Nothing will be as socially awkward as I am making it out to be in my head. His brother was nice enough, a little on the childish side, but there was nothing wrong with that. She either had to be a strong woman to deal with him or a child herself.

“Yeah. She’s great.”

I just nodded and watched houses pass by outside of my window. It wasn’t long before we were pulling into a driveway. The house was significantly smaller than the other ones we had visited. It was cute and had it’s own charm. There was a moving van out front and boxes strewn across the lawn.

“If these people are moving in, how did my mom know the address?”

“She didn’t. The card had their old address on it. You’re lucky you have me, otherwise you would be very lost today.”

“My hero,” I joked with a roll of my eyes. The front door was open and Brayden walked in like it was his own house. “Hello,” he called out, walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer.

“Want one?” he asked with a smirk.

“You’re hilarious,” I deadpanned, waiting for whoevers house it was to arrive.

“We’re coming,” a voice called out to us from another part of the house.

“Well, I’m sure we interrupted something,” Brayden chuckled with a shake of his head.
“Hey,” Will said, jogging through the doorframe. “Sorry little brother. Carolina, nice to see you again.”

“Nice to see you again,” I replied with a polite smile. “You’re house is very cute.”

“Cute?” Will scoffed. “Ugh.”

“Oh shut up. It is cute,” his fiancé said, rounding the corner. I immediately knew who she was. I had seen a picture of her earlier in one of the houses. “Carolina!” she practically screamed, running over to me and enveloping me in a hug. “It’s so great to finally meet you.”

“It’s Olivia, right?” I asked.

“How did you know?” Brayden asked, giving me a confused look.

“Her parents were one of my first stops.” I answered and then looked over to her. “There was a picture of you on the fireplace. Peyton talked about you.”

“Ah, well. I hope they weren’t too gag inducing. They’re pretty gross.”

“You’re telling me,” Will piped in, wrapping his arms around Olivia.

“I also wanted to thank you for filling in for the wedding. It really means a lot to me that you would do that for a complete stranger.”

“It’s really not a problem,” I said with a shrug and a smile.

“Well, it means a lot. I don’t have many girlfriends.”

“Neither do I,” I chuckled.

“Will’s been my best friend since I was three,” she informed me, leaning back into his embrace.

“Yeah. I’ve been chasing her since I was in diapers and she didn’t give me the time of day until college.”

“I just thought kissing you would be disgusting. You were like family.”

“Just because our dad’s were in the same band, that didn’t mean we were by any means related.”

“Guys,” Brayden interrupted. “Where’s the letter?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Will shrugged.
“We’ve been looking for it all morning. It’s in a box somewhere. We’re trying to unpack everything today. It sure would go faster with four people,” Olivia smiled, looking hopeful.

“You guys are unbelievable,” Brayden shook his head and laughed.

“Where should we start?” I asked, pulling my hair back with an elastic I had wrapped around my wrist.

“I like you,” Olivia informed me, pulling out of Will’s embrace and wrapping her arm around me, leading me through the kitchen. “Why in the hell are you wasting your time with that little asshole.”

“If another person asks me that…” I laughed and shook my head.

“Nah, he’s a good guy,” she shrugged, picking up a box and throwing it down on the table. “Just don’t hurt him. He’s been through enough,” she continued, grabbing the box cutter from her pack pocket.

“I’ll try not to.”

//\\//\\

After hours of unpacking two people’s lives, we found the letter tucked inside of a random box.

“Thank god,” Brayden said, flopping onto the couch. “If I had to paint one more wall I think my arms would fall off.”

“Wimp,“ I teased and fell onto the couch next to him. “I’ve been doing heavy lifting.”

“Too tired to read?”

“Nah, I got it today.”

I opened the envelope and was thrilled to see the longest installment yet.

--
My Sweet Carolina,

Before you read this, understand that your father and I were young and in love and that makes people do crazy things. Don’t judge everything just yet. Just know that I did love your father with everything I had.

--

After stopping by both of our houses and grabbing some clothes and some cash, we left. We didn’t know where we were going or what we were going to do, but we had each other, and that was all we really needed. Rusty said that if we needed anything else, we could just buy it.

The drive was quiet, both of us thinking about what had just happened. Our lives had both substantially changed. Nothing would be the same for either of us.

“You seem worried,” he interrupted my thoughts, reaching across the center console to intertwine our hands.

“Not really worried, just trying to take it all in.”

“I know, it’s a lot to take in, but it’s going to be okay.”

“How do you know?”

“Do you love me?” he asked, grasping my hand a little tighter.

“Of course I love you, Rusty. That has nothing to do with-”

“You love me,” he cut me off, “I love you, that’s all that matters. Everything will fall into place. Trust me.”

“All you need is love,” I sighed and eased back into the seat.

“Something like that,” he chuckled and ran his fingers over my knuckles. “Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when we stop.”

“Okay,” I closed my eyes and smiled. “I love you, Rusty.”

“God, I could hear you say that everyday for the rest of my life.”

//\\//\\//\\

Before I knew it, Rusty was unbuckling my seatbelt and lifting me out of the car.

“Where are we?” I asked tiredly, my voice sounding harsh from the sleep.

“Somewhere in California,” he whispered into my ear. “I stopped reading road signs a while back.”

He set me on the ground and grabbed my hand, leading me to the lobby of the hotel. After checking in and getting our room key, we went back to the car and grabbed our bags. His hand never left mine as we made our way to the room.

“I think I’m going to shower,” he said after he dropped his bag on the floor and pulled me to his chest, delivering a kiss to my temple. “Wash the day away.”

I nodded and fell back on the bed, pulling my phone charger out of my bag and hooking my phone to it. It took a few minutes for the battery to charge enough to bring the dead phone back to life. I counted the beeps as my phone alerted me of the calls I had missed and the text messages I had received.

36 beeps.

I ignored all of them and watched as my fingers danced over the numbers they knew so well. I held my phone up to my ear after I pushed “send” and waited until I heard the only voice that would help me make sense of everything.

“Jesus Christ, Lena,” he sounded frantic. “Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

I could picture him pacing the floor, pulling his fingers through his already disheveled hair.

“Everything is fine, Austin. Everything is just fine,” I sighed into the receiver, waiting for Austin to say something. He didn’t. “How is everything there?”

“What do you think?” he asked. I sighed and shut my eyes. “Rosie’s a mess, we can’t find half of the wedding party, I’ve been worried sick about you…”

“I’m so sorry, Austin.”

“Where are you?”

“Somewhere in California. I don’t quite know.”

“You don’t quite know?”

“I fell asleep in the car,” I shrugged, like he could see me.

“How romantic,” I could practically hear his eyes rolling.

“You were all about me getting my man this morning, Austin. What is wrong with you?”

“You didn’t have to watch Rosie load herself in her parents car. She can’t go back to her house, THEIR house.”

“Why are you telling me this, Austin…It’s not like I am thrilled with how things panned out.”

“I just,” he paused and I could hear the flick of the lighter as he lit a cigarette. “I’m happy for you Lena. You got what you’ve been wanting for months now. I wish it had happened under better circumstance. Just don’t mess it up or all of this will be for nothing.”

I was silent as I watched Rusty emerge from the bathroom, toweling his wet hair dry.

“I love you, Austin. I’m turning my phone off. “

“Wait, Lena. Don’t have up. You have to call me every few days and let me know where you are, otherwise I am going to be a mess.”

“I will. Goodbye,” and with that I powered down my phone and threw it across the room.

“Everything okay?” Rusty asked cautiously, hanging the towel on the back of a chair. I sat up on my knees and scooted to the edge of the bed, watching as he made his way over to me. I nodded and threaded my fingers through his wet hair, loving the feeling of it all… how his hair felt against my skin, how it was the perfect length and made his features stand out more, how his bright eyes looking right into my dull ones made my heartbeat quicken.

“Everything is okay,” I sighed, resting my hands on the back of his neck. “Just tell me that we did the right thing.”

“Lenny,” he started, sliding his hands around my waist and resting his forehead against mine. “We did the right thing,” he sighed and ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “I should have faced everything sooner. I should have told you every day since I realized it that I was in love with you. I shouldn’t have tried to force myself into a life that I didn’t want because I thought it was what was expected of me. I started dating Rosie, and yes, I loved her, but real love isn’t being with someone and thinking of someone else every single day. I should have gotten up the courage that night in the bar and invited you to the party. I should have put forth the effort; we should have fallen in love the conventional way. We should have had an awkward first date. We should have moved in together, we should have done everything the right way. It should have been you yesterday walking down that aisle. I did everything wrong.”

“Everything about this is so unconventional Rusty, it’s hard to believe that any of this is real.” I sighed, pulling away slightly.

“But it is, this is real. Look at me,” he demanded softly, placing his hand gently under my chin. “This is it. This is the real thing. We can either run away or we can embrace it. I don’t want to run away from this, Lenny.”

“But we are running away from so much, Rusty. We ran away from Arizona like we’ve done something wrong. Jesus, we have done something wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who made a mess of everything. But we’re not talking about that right now. We are talking about this, right here,” he motioned between us with his hand. “I don’t want to run away from this. I want you to be the person I run to. I want to miss you so much when I am on tour that I can’t think straight. I want to have inappropriate Skype dates with you. I want it all. I want it all with you.”

“You don’t know what you want. This is like a new toy at Christmas,”

“What?” he asked, looking confused.

“This, this is new. It’s like a new toy. It’s really fun at first but that fades away in time like all of the other toys. It gets pushed to the back of the closet and you start to resent it because it took your attention away from your other toys and Jesus, this is getting ridiculous. I’m tired.” I groaned, getting frustrated. “The point is that you are going to end up resenting me because I am going to end up being a letdown.”

“Lena, you could never be a letdown,” he said, shaking his head. “Why are you fighting this?”

“I don’t want this to all be for nothing. What’s done is done.“ I sighed and leaned back, studying his face. “Everything happens for a reason, right?”

“Right,” he agreed. “It’s not for nothing. I promise you.” His grip around my waist tightened as he pulled me closer to his body. “I’ll remind you every single day of why this was the best thing that could happen to either of us, starting now,” he said, attaching his lips to mine. “Trust me, Lenny, just trust me.”

“I do,” I shrugged, pulling him into the bed and snuggling into him under the covers. “But right now we need to sleep.” He nodded in agreement.

“I love you,” he murmered into my hair as he kissed the top of my head. “Don’t question that.”

I didn’t reply. I just wrapped myself in his arms, counted my blessings and went to sleep.
//\\//\\//\\

When I woke up the next morning, Rusty was still sleeping. I took this opportunity to sneak out of bed and wash the events of yesterday off of my skin. It was a new day and a new start. I wasn’t going to let my fears or insecurities get the best of me. We were miles away from Arizona and I finally felt that things were going to be okay.

After brushing my teeth and redressing, I exited the bathroom to find that Rusty was still sleeping. I rolled my eyes and climbed back into bed. I cuddled in close to him again, hoping I didn’t wake him up. I used the fact that he was still sleeping as a shield to study him. I watched his chest rise and fall with his breaths. He hadn’t moved all night, he was still in the position he fell asleep in, which I found odd.

“It’s really creepy when you stare,” he said with a laugh, pulling me closer to him.

“It’s really creepy when you sleep for 11 hours.” He just shrugged and planted a kiss to my forehead.

“Be right back,” he informed me, pushing off of the bed and heading towards the bathroom. I sat up and looked to my phone, still lying on the ground. I was itching to have it in my hands, but I knew what also came with that was something I didn’t want to deal with right now. I am sure I had more than 36 beeps now. I was scared to know the number.

I started to reach for it, but Rusty came bolting out of the bathroom. I looked over to see him airborne and smiled, because hopefully moments like this one would be a recurring theme for the rest of my life. He landed on the bed right next to me and grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him.

“Good morning,” he whispered now, the minty freshness of his breath hit my skin and made me shiver. “Are you cold?” he asked, looking concerned.

“No,” I sighed, smiling at him. “I’m perfect right now.”

“Yes, you are,” he chuckled, closing the gap between us, his lips finding mine and his arms tightening around me, pulling me on top of him. Our legs were a tangled mess, I was sure my wet hair was soaking his shirt, but none of that seamed to matter. The kisses got heated and …

I know you are my daughter and it would probably be child abuse to give you any more details.

So I won’t.

//\\//\\//\\

We had done nothing but talk… and not talk… until the day was lost and the nighttime sank in.

“Where are we going now?” I asked, my head resting on his bare chest, his hands running through my hair.

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” I said, looking up at him. “I don’t really care, as long as I’m with you.” I laughed and shook my head. “God that sounded so cheesy.”

“We are cheesy,” he chuckled, rubbing his hand up and down my arm in a soothing motion. “Want to keep traveling north?”

“Why? Nothing’s up there. Just home.”

“You don’t miss home?”

“Mmmm…” I smirked, kissing him softly. “I am home.”

“We’re in California, you’re not home.”

“No, I mean you’re my home,” I said, kissing down his neck softly. “Wherever you are is where I want to be.”

That was the end of that conversation. I didn’t miss home. I never wanted to go back there. I knew my mom would hate Rusty and she wouldn’t approve of the life I made for myself in Arizona. She definitely wouldn’t approve of what I was doing now. He was my family now.

Still, I could hear her voice nagging me in the back of my mind. “He just broke it off with his fiancé yesterday, and you’re already jumping into bed with him.” Sometimes I wish I could punch her in her smug little face. I know she’s your grandmother, but you know how she is.

“You, know,” I said, suddenly changing my mind. “Seattle is pretty this time of the year.”

“I’ve been there more times than I can count, but I bet going there with you will be more fun.”

“You can meet my mom,” I said, running my thumb over his cheek softly.

“Is she going to like me?” he asked, biting his bottom lip out of nervousness.

“I hope so,” I shrugged. “If she doesn’t, well, that will only make me love you more.”

“Why is that?” he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“Well, my mom and I don’t actually get along. But I haven’t talked to her in almost a year. I owe her a visit. You’re basically my life now, so I would like for her to meet you. If you guys don’t hit it off, well….” I shrugged, laying my head back down on his chest. “Oh well. It doesn’t matter to me what she thinks.”

“It matters to me.”

“It shouldn’t.”

“My parents loved you when they met you at the wedding.”

“Loved being past tense, Rusty. I am sure I am not their favorite person right now. I’m sure I’m not anyone’s.”

“You’re mine.”

“You have to say that because you love me,” I smiled, closing my eyes. He just kissed my forehead and pulled me tighter to his chest.

“So Seattle?”

“Seattle.”

--
“Is your grandma scary?” Brayden asked me, handing me my backpack so that I could stow the letters away with the others.

“She can be.” I nodded. “Whatever happens to Rusty, I feel for him. Nothing good will come of this. My grandmother only ever had negative things to say about my dad.”

“Poor Rusty.”

“Okay, let’s go find Liv. I’m sure she’s dying to get you into that dress.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “I don’t wanna.”

“That’s too damn bad,” he laughed, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. I dropped my bag and started pounding on his back.

“Let me go,”

“No. OLIVIA,” he shouted, taking giant steps around the tiny house to find her faster. When we reached the bedroom, Olivia was waiting there with a green dress and some pins.

“Let’s go, darling,” she said, shooing Brayden out of the room.

//\\//\\//\\

“Are you sure they are going to be able to alter this dress before tomorrow?” I asked, looking in the mirror at my reflection as Olivia sat on the ground and pinned the dress at the length it needed to be.

“Oh yeah. Peyton’s doing it. She’s really fast.”

“I don’t mean to pry, and if I am, just ignore me, but Peyton, she’s not your mom, right?”

“How’d you know?” she asked, eyeing me as she continued to pin the dress.

“When I met her, she said you were Kennedy’s daughter.”

“Yeah, she’s not technically my mom, but she might as well be. My mom kept me a secret from my dad for three years. They kind of ran into us one day at the hospital and it all just sort of blew up from there. It was one drama after another until finally my dad got full custody of me. Ever since then my life has been relatively normal. As normal as it could be with two musicians for parents, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Peyton is a musician?”

“Well, she was for a while. Things sort of died down after she had the twins, but yeah, she was. She has an incredible voice. I wish she was my real mom, because then maybe I would have had a shot at a decent singing voice. ”

“So growing up around all of these musicians, can you play any instruments?”

She smiled and nodded her head. “Jared and Garrett both taught me a thing or two. Pat said I was too spazzy to play the drums, which I suppose is true. But they were amazing people to grow up around. I was very blessed to have the life I did. There,” she said, standing up and taking a step back to admire her work. “Perfect.”

“With the wedding tomorrow, aren’t you guys doing a rehearsal dinner and all of that?”

“No,” she shrugged. “We’re not doing that traditional wedding hoopla. We’re getting married sort of like my parents did. Outdoors, no chairs, short, simple ceremony, nothing too fancy, you know? I’m wearing her dress. Well, her first dress, not her second.”

“More than one dress?”

“It’s a long story,” she shrugged, “but it’s all I’ve ever really wanted.”

“I’m glad I get to be a part of it.”

“So am I,” she smiled. “Hey, maybe one day we will be in-laws. How cool would that be?”

I just laughed and shook my head. “I haven’t even been dating Brayden a week and everybody is already planning our wedding.”

“I see the way he looks at you,” she grinned, helping me pull the dress off over my head to avoid being stuck by pins. “And those Nickelsen boys sure are a catch.”

“Of course we are,” Brayden said from the other side of the door.

“Go away, you little shit,” Olivia shouted and rolled her eyes.

“Are you guys ready to go? It’s Friday. Family dinner night.”

“Oh, your first Nickelsen family dinner,” Olivia chuckled and roped her arm around me. “You’re in for a treat.”

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was a part of something. When my mom died I had lost that. I had lost the only real family I had. Now, slowly but surely, I was gaining that and so much more. I think this is what my mom was trying to accomplish when she sent me on this journey. I finally had people who would be there for me no matter what. I think this was my mom’s way of telling me that I was going to be okay. My life without her would still have meaning because she left me with pieces of her past. These people were the pieces of her past, and I could tell that they were going to mean as much to me as they did to her.

I had a family in Arizona.

Arizona was my home.