Warmness on my soul

*Brian’s POV*

I woke up the next morning and started smiling like an idiot with my eyes still closed. Last night was something amazing, something special, and something I never thought I experienced with anybody. Claire was the one, and deep down, I guess I always knew that. From the moment I met her, I knew that one day I would make her my wife, and that was exactly what I intend to do. On a near future hopefully. I moved my arm to the side so I could hold her and was alarmed when I found her spot on the bed empty. I immediately opened my eyes and searched the bedroom for a sign of her. Unfortunately I didn’t find her there so I figured I went downstairs to join her in breakfast. I was wondering why she didn’t wait for me, since we had it together every day. I went downstairs in a quick pace hoping to see her wide smile and bright eyes looking at me lovingly. My world fell when I saw the exact opposite. Claire was kneeling on the kitchen floor with Pinkly in her arms and her cell phone on the floor next to her, bawling like a four year old. Her makeup was all smudged and her eyeliner was dripping off her face but she still managed to look beautiful as ever. At least she was in my eyes. “Baby what’s wrong?” I said as I ran to her kneeling right in front of Claire, holding her hands.

*Andrea’s POV*

-Previous Day-

My life was going good. For the first time in my life, I could really say that my life was good. I finally had a house, and obviously I had my best friends in the world, the worst duo in the world, Claire and Tanya, giving me more than what I expected every single time. I also was really close to the guys from my favorite band ever and that was awesome. I loved them when I didn’t know them because of their music and their looks of course, but now, I really loved them, because they were great individuals and amazing friends. When I started to hang out more with them, I started to really enjoy their company and I could see they felt the same way about me. In the group of those five guys, the one I seemed to better get along with was Zacky. He was really sweet to me and was that one person that I felt like I could tell anything, and sometimes he looked like he was the only one who understood me. The real me. I liked it. A lot.

Obviously the girls were getting it all wrong. Specially Tanya. Mostly Tanya. Ok, only Tanya. But deep down I knew that Claire thought the same, but she knew that having a Tanya on your shoulder is bad enough so she didn’t pronounce herself. I appreciate that.

I spent this afternoon in Claire and Brian’s house with her and Val, and we looked at some drawings and talked a lot, teased Claire about her sexual life like we were Tanya and then we decided to go to the studio and bring some happiness to the guys.

When we arrived the band was outside and the guys were all smoking. I was greeted by a very smiley Zacky. “Can I get a hug from a beautiful lady?” he asked. “Well Claire’s right there.” He playfully hit my arm and hugged me tightly. “I was talking about you.” He whispered in my ear. He took my hand in his after putting the pack of cigarettes he had on his pocket. When I saw them I felt the urge to grab one cigarette of my own, but because we headed inside I didn’t. We went inside with the guys, Zacky always by my side. “Where’s Tanya?” he asked. “Oh, I think she’s been really busy, with all of the preparations for the wedding, so she’s been a lot with Peter and his family. But we miss her. She brings fun to the group, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, absolutely. But who sais you’re not fun?” “Life.” I muttered so he couldn’t ear. He put his hand around my waist reluctant. Maybe he was afraid I pushed him off. But I didn’t. I was never afraid of any kind of attempt to physical touch in my life. Sometimes I wish I did. But not with Zacky. Zachary had a pure soul, and I could see that. So we walked to the room they were previously on, with his arm around my waist. I stood next to him the whole afternoon. I watched him playing guitar perfectly, I watched him failing and pouting like a baby, I watched him playing stupid games with his best friends. I was tired of watching. He was sitting on the couch, tuning Brian’s guitar because he refused to do it, and I sat next to him. He dropped the guitar aside and smiled at me. “Don’t need to stop because of me.” I said. “Oh, I was already finished with Gates guitar. So what’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’ve just been watching you play, that’s all.” Fuck. Did I just said that out loud. The level of my stupidity is just… I can’t even count that high!

“Oh, did you like what you saw?”

“Yeah, you play with the heart, that’s a really important quality in a musician.”

“Thank you. Really. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Any hidden talents?”

“Oh, no. No talent. No nothing.”

“You don’t even have like a dream job? You know, that job you really wanted to have when you were a kid?”

“Zacky.. My childhood was never normal. I never had dream jobs or such thing. That never existed for me. Not since then. ”

“Sorry… You’re right, I shouldn’t hav-”

“Don’t be sorry. Actually, you are the only one who I feel comfortable talking about this.”

“Really, but you talk with Claire, right?”

“Yeah, of course. But that doesn’t mean she knows the whole story, you know?”

He looked at me hearing every word that was coming from my mouth and understanding the true meaning of it.

“Ok! Brief pause.” Matt said.

“Wanna go for a walk on the beach?”

“Totally.”

We stood up and walked outside the big blue building.

There weren’t many people on the beach but the weather was just lovely. Zacky suggested we sat on the sand for a moment, so I did.

“What did you mean back there, with «that doesn’t mean she knows the whole story» thing… I thought she was your best friend.”

“And she is. But it’s not my love for her that’s gonna make me tell her my deepest troubles. Let’s just say that she feels sorry for me. That means she knows enough. ”

“Ok. It’s just, I tell the guys everything you know. They’re family to me.” Right, he knew what that was. I looked at my feet.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I’m always talking about the wrong stuff..”

“I told you. Don’t be sorry.”

We stared at the ocean in silence for some minutes and it was beautiful.

“But you know.” He broke the silence after a while. “It’s not good to keep all of that pain inside of you. Maybe you’d feel better if you just exploded.”

“I know. But I just don’t care.”

“How can’t you. You have people who care about you. And seeing you like this, hurts.”

“Like this?”

“Yeah, I mean, you have a smile that can lit up a room, that’s for sure, but, deep inside you’re nothing but ashes, and you know it. And you can’t live with all of that pain forever.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because I care about you.” He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“Zacky, you don’t know me. I’ve done things. Things you don’t want to know. And I’ve been through a lot, I don’t want you to feel sorry or-”

“Listen to me! I’m not trying to know anything. You tell me whatever you want to, or don’t tell me anything. Your decision, ok? I just want to help. I know what it’s like to have the feeling of being full of pain and suffering, and just can’t… Just can’t.” I nodded knowing exactly what he meant.

“Zack, I just don’t feel anymore. I’ve learned to shut down my feelings a long time ago.”

“Feel this.” Zacky abruptly grabbed me by the neck and crushed his lips onto mine. I immediately responded, my hand on his face. “This. This is real.” He said when we parted.

“Well, I surely felt that.” I said.

“Good.” He said, his green eyes sparkling at me.

“Just understand that I’m never going to push you. But it’s ok to talk you know.”

“Yeah. I’ll follow your advice. Can we go now? I’m kind of cold. And also we have company.” I said as Zacky followed my gaze. There was this couple distant from us tangled in the sand, having a lot of fun. They weren’t that far because we could hear them perfectly.

“Oh my god.. we’re in the beach..” the girl said as she sat straight covering her breasts and looking in every possible direction to see if there was someone looking at them. We must’ve been in a really good spot because we could see them perfectly, but fortunately they didn’t see us.

“I actually don’t care right now..” The guy said. “I wouldn’t care either…” Zacky said making me laugh. I covered my mouth trying to be silent.
“But what if someone appears..” He just chuckled at the girl making us laugh at the situation.
“The sun just set already, it’s getting dark so nobody will see us.. relax..” Now we started laughing out loud but I bet the young couple was focused on each other because they didn’t seem to notice us running away from the beach. When we got to the studio we were surprised because there was nobody in the building. They left us. “They left us!” Zacky whined, like he just read my thoughts. We decided to grab our stuff and head home too but Zacky insisted he took me home so I gladly accepted.

“This way I know you won’t got lost, uh?”

“Yeah, I guess.. Do you wanna come in for a while?”

“You sure?” I just nodded. “Ok then.”

I let him in, and after some decisions, we chose a movie to watch and I grabbed some popcorn. We sat on the couch next to each other and I pressed play. I didn’t pay any attention to the images that were appearing on the television. I was too compelled by the smell of Zacky’s neck. The movie ended right away, or maybe it didn’t end so quick, but at least, it seemed like it.
“Great movie, uh?”

“Uh, yeah, it was awesome!” I looked at the clock, past midnight already. “Do you wanna sleep here?”
“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, c’mon.”

“If you insist.”

“Yeah, I insist. You can sleep in Claire’s old bedroom.”

“Ok.”

The alley was cold and dark. I stood, shivering, trying to keep myself warm in my ripped, thin black t-shirt. He had said to wait here, and he’d be back with something good. It better damn well be good, I’m freezing my ass off!

I didn’t even know him. Sure, he was fucking gorgeous. That blond hair and those gorgeous blue eyes…I guess we talked for a while in the bar, mostly about music. But whatever, he was cool. Next thing I knew, I was hammered, and making out with him behind the bar. That’s how I got here.

There he is. Finally! He takes my hand, and in it he puts a baggie with fine, white powder in it. I look up at his face, and he bears a wide grin as he shakes a needle and a rubber band in my face.

I shake my head. “Nah…Not my thing,” Thinking he’d just shrug it off, he pushes me up against the wall.

“Look! I was supposed to use this for me, but I thought you would want a taste of it. Are you gonna use it, or not?” I wasn’t the only one a little wasted.

Normally, I would have pushed him back and left him there. But I liked this guy, a lot. It seemed I wouldn’t go anywhere with him if I didn’t do it. So I nod, and his grip on me relaxes. He smiles warmly and sits me down.

Whatever I think to myself. I’ll use it this one time. I’ve heard it’s not even that good…

He reaches for my arm, and begins to tap it lightly, trying to find the vein. His touch is warm.

Finally he finds it, and slips the rubber band up my arm. He hands me the needle.

“It might hurt a little, but the rewards are worth it,” he says with seductive smirk.

I sigh loudly, trying not to shudder. I tap the needle to my vein, and slowly push the plunger.

DAMN. That hurts like a bitch. An unbearable pain shoots up my arm, almost forcing me to rip the needle out of my skin. But I bite on my lip, hard enough to taste my sweet, irony blood.

Once it’s in me, I try to get that damn needle out of me as fast as possible. I slide down farther on the wall, wanting the throbbing pain in my arm to stop.

Then it slowly ebbs away.

The world starts to faze a little in front of me.

Then suddenly everything is sharp. Clear as a bell. He gets closer to me, so close, I see my reflection in his striking eyes.

“See? I told you it was good,” he breathes into my neck.

I laugh stupidly, like a child. But I don’t care. I haven’t felt this way before. I feel better than I do at my normal crappy life. It’s incredible.

I woke up screaming my lungs off and Zacky ran into my room. I was sweating profusely and shaking and Zacky climbed my bed hugging me. As my cries were getting calmer and suddenly stopped Zack looked at me concerned whipping the tears off my face. “Do you want to talk now?” I nodded my head furiously and Zacky adjusted himself better on my bed. We didn’t sleep that night. We talked and talked and talked. And I never cried so much. As I cried It felt right, and Zacky kept caressing my back and telling me it was going to be okay. I doubted that, but it felt good to know that someone had hope on me. The next morning we had breakfast together and talked about the previous night. I thanked him for everything, and told him he was right after all. It felt good now that all that mess wasn’t chewing my insides. He had to go home though, so after breakfast we said goodbye. He leaned down to kiss my cheek but I quickly turned my face so his lips landed on mine. “Bye Zacky!” he laughed and walked to his car.

I sat on my couch watching the news and after some minutes somebody was knocking on my door. I lazily stood up and walked to the door. I opened it and no one was there. Weird. I looked down to see a small package. I picked it up and took it inside. I sat on the couch again with the package on my lap and quickly opened it.

God! No! Not you! Not now!

Next to the content of the package, there was a note that made me shiver as I read it.

“You know, you’ll do it. You know you missed me. -D”

I am not going to do it. Not after everything that I achieved, not now! I turned the note around and saw the worst thing I ever read in my life.

“I bet Claire would love me. Don’t tempt me. You know sometimes I get creative.”
I knew what he was capable of. I knew him. I didn’t think twice. But in the end I didn’t do it because he asked me to or because he threatened me. I did it because, it was there, looking at me, begging me to do it. So I did it.

*Claire’s POV*

. “Baby what’s wrong?” Brian said as he ran to me kneeling right in front of me, holding my hands.

“It’s- It’s…” I was sobbing more and more.

“Shhh… It’s ok. Calm down! Talk to me baby!”

“It’s Andrea!”

“What about her? What’s wrong?”

“She’s in the hospital. She’s.. Oh Brian.”

I didn’t finish my sentence. I just hugged Brian really tight because he was my only comfort right now.