Without You, I'm Just Me

At the beach, I managed to get the little dudes into their swim shorts and down to a spot near the water. I carried Benji to the shore, with Lewy holding my hand, "It's cold!" Lewy shouted.

I chuckled, "Hey, it's warmer than Chicago, right?"

He made a face, "Papa says it's snowin' still!"

"Yeah, I heard. When are you guys going back?"

"Mommy says soon," he answered and sat in the sand, "I'm gonna make a castle."

It was unseasonably warm for it being March, but still too cool to actually head into the water. The boys dipped in and out of it for awhile and made a bunch of sand castles. After an hour, we decided to go eat; Benji was already napping by the time I washed the sand off their legs.

I put them in the car and started to drive; I looked at Lewy, who was humming along to the radio. I was again wanting to ask him questions about Naomi. I just hated to be in the dark, I'm nosy when it comes to people I love and care about.

"Lew, did anything happen yesterday?" I asked.

"Like what?" He asked, looking at me in the rear view.

"Did mommy get in a fight with Rob?"

He sighed, "Yeah."

"Did he hit her?"

"No."

"What were they fighting about?"

He shrugged, "Mommy did something...Robert didn't like it."

"What did he say?"

Lewy was quiet, then he looked away, I looked back for a second, then at the road. "He said bad words I'm not s'posed to say."

"Like what?"

"Are you gonna tell?" He asked quickly.

"I told you, Lew, I won't tell. I pinkie promised you."

"He said the F-word and the B-word," Lewy spoke fast, "I can't say those or I go in time out."

I kinda laughed at that, "Have you ever said them before?"

Lewy hummed, "I said the B-word and Rob spanked me."

I was quick to look back, "Why did you say that?"

"Cuz he said it to mommy," he muttered, "I called him that cuz he called it to mommy."

"Good," I told him happily, "You were sticking up for mommy, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then, you didn't need to be spanked. Did mommy get mad?"

"Yeah," he murmured, "She yelled at Robert all day and then she put me in time out."

"Did you tell her why you said it?"

"Uh-huh, she said I still can't say it cuz it's a bad word."

"You shouldn't say it," I told him, "But, that time you were just sticking up for mommy and you had every right to."

"Mommy doesn't like it...she cried, daddy."

I looked back for a second, "She did?"

"Uh-huh. I don't like when she cries, daddy...can you tell Rob to stop it?"

I bit at my lip, "I'll...try, buddy. I have to talk to mommy."

"Don't say I said it, 'kay?"

"I know, Lew, I know."


I fed the boys, took them to my house and waited for Naomi again. I was thinking over what to say to her about Rob and what Lewis had told me. I knew she wouldn't want to hear what I had to say, but I really had to say it.

Part of me, a lot of me, wanted to confront Rob and tell him to knock it off. More or less in harsher words and a few punches. He needed a taste of his own goddamn medicine.

I got the boys ready and patiently waited for Naomi. The kids played in the living room, I was in the kitchen, drinking a soda, waiting. My stomach was in knots, I was nearly shaking from wanting to confront her again. I wanted to kill Rob, the more I thought of him hitting my son and hitting Naomi. I wanted to bash the fucker's brains in, and I wanted to take my kids away from them.

When she finally arrived, she was all smiles. I looked her over and saw the bruises on her arm. They weren't in the shape of fingers, they looked random. It was possible she got them from bumping into something.

"Hey, did they have fun?"

"Yeah," I breathed, "They ate, too."

"Great," she started towards the living room, I followed behind her, "Hey guys!"

"Mommy!" They both shot up; Benji got to her first, "Mommy, mommy, I gots sand!"

Naomi picked him up and knelt to hug Lewy, "I heard! You had fun, right?"

"Yeah," Lewy answered, "Can I stay with daddy tonight?"

My brows shot up; that was a first.

"You wanna stay?" Naomi questioned softly, "But we're gonna have dinner tonight with Rob, remember?"

Lewy looked at me, "Can I stay daddy?"

My jaw slacked slightly, "Uh...I, uh, dunno. Naomi?"

She stood and looked at him, then at me, "After dinner?" She asked him.

Lewy sighed, "Do I havta?"

She smiled, "It won't be long, bub, I promise. I'll bring you and Benji right back here."

"Okay," he said; he came over and hugged my hips, "I love you, daddy."

I picked him up, hugging him, "I love you, too, buddy. Tonight, when you and Benny come back, we'll rent a movie, alright? Anything you want."

He hugged me tighter around my neck, "I don't wanna go, daddy."

I looked at Naomi, she looked at me with a slight frown; "He wants to stay..." I trailed.

Naomi hiked up Benji, "I guess he can stay. I can drop Benji off tomorrow before I leave to start filming."

"I'm sorry about this," I said, rubbing Lewy's back, "I dunno what's gotten into him."

Naomi nodded, "It's okay, I'll bring some clothes over," Naomi came over towards me, with Benji and kissed Lewy's cheek, "I love you, bubba. I'll be right back with your pjs and your monkey."

He looked at her, "Okay."

She gave him another kiss before heading out; once the door closed I went and sat on the couch with him. Lewy crouched in my lap; "Lew, how come you didn't want to go with mommy?"

"Cuz I don't like him," he grumbled, "I wanna stay here with you."

"I'm glad you're staying, but you know mommy wants you to go."

"I don't like Robert, daddy," he looked up at me, "He's mean to mommy."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"I want him to go away," Lewy said.

"Me too, buddy, me too."

Lewy stayed in my lap until Naomi came back. She was carrying Benji in, who was barely awake, so I took him from her, "I'm just sayin' goodnight," I told them.

Benji yawned as tiredly wrapped my arms around me, "Sleepy, daddy."

I chuckled, "It's only 4."

"I like naps."

I kissed his cheek, and joked, "I couldn't tell."

Naomi gave me a backpack in the shape of Yoda. I smiled, "Holy shit, where'd he get this?"

"Ricky bought it for him," she said, "For Christmas."

I took it and placed it on my arm. I hugged Benji again, "I'll see you tomorrow, Benny."

He sighed softly, "Bye-bye daddy."

I handed him back to Naomi, "Where's Lew?" She asked me.

"Lew!" I called to him, "He's in the living room."

A few seconds later, Lewy came walking in; he smiled when he saw Naomi, rushing to her. She set Benji down and hugged Lewy; "I came to say goodnight, bub."

"It's not dark outside," he said, confusingly.

She giggled, "I won't see ya tonight, though; say goodnight to Benji, give him a hug."

Lewy hugged Benji and said goodnight. Benji just yawned, "'Night."

I chuckled, watching Naomi hug him, "I love you, bubba. Be a good boy."

Naomi stood and picked up Benji; she ruffled Lewy's hair and then waved, "Call me if he needs anything."

"I will," I said.

As she left, I felt more than uneasy. I think any time I see her walk out the door, it wouldn't sit well with me.

"Daddy," Lewy tugged my shirt.

"Yeah?" I looked down at him.

"My tummy hurts."

I knelt to him, "Are you sick?"

He shrugged, "I don't feel good."

"Are you gonna throw up?"

He shook his head, "No."

"You want some medicine?"

"It's gross?"

I smiled softly, "I don't think so. I'll make you some soup, too."

"Okay."

"C'mon, I'll put on some cartoons for you."


Lewy's stomachache lasted the entire night. Ashlee had come home and quickly adverted herself from him. I had to take care of him, so I didn't really get to talk to her; we ate later on, but I was too busy checking on Lewy.

I had called Naomi about it, but all she told me was that it was an occurrence that would last until morning. I trusted her, so I stayed with Lewy, sleeping with him in the guest bed. He was better in the morning, but he was real tired. We had gotten up, ate some cereal and then I got him dressed. Naomi arrived at 9, with Benji, who was unusually up and excited.

Naomi greeted Ashlee as she came in, Benji rushed in, pausing when he saw Lewy in my lap, "'S'wrong?" He asked.

"Lew's a little sick."

Naomi came over and sat beside me, pulling Benji into her lap, "Hey bubba, what's wrong?"

"My tummy hurted," he told her.

She frowned, "Again?" He nodded, "I'm sorry, baby. Daddy took good care of you, huh?"

"Yeah," he said.

I smiled, "He was okay this morning, still is."

Naomi sighed softly, "He's been having the worse cramps for about a month and a half. I took him to the pediatrician, but all he seemed to get was that it was just constipation."

"He went last night," I mumbled vaguely.

"He's better now," she hummed, "I wish I could stay, bubba," she then rubbed his stomach, "I love you so, so much."

He pouted slightly as she kissed his forehead, "I love you, mommy."

She combed her manicured fingers through his hair, "I'll be back soon, then I'll read to you, I'll rub your tummy," he smiled, "And give you lots of kisses. You and Benji, okay?"

"Okay."

"Be good and play as best you can with Benji, he missed you last night," she kissed Benji's head, "Didn't ya, Ben?"

He made a face, "Uh-huh."

Naomi got up and set him down beside me, in her spot, "I love you both so much. I'll be back real soon."

"'Kay," Benji relayed, lying his head on my arm.

Naomi breathed and then waved, "Thanks, Pete."

"No big deal," I said.

I knew that thanks meant something more. It wasn't hard to tell.