Without You, I'm Just Me

The press never let up after it was out that Naomi was going to jail. She was constantly photographed when we went out, especially when we were trying to spend time out with the boys. We opted to stay home, Naomi spent all the time she had left with the boys.

She was on TV and she was on the cover of some gossip rag. It was really fucking tough trying to keep it all from Lewy and Benji. We knew we'd have to tell them before Naomi had to go.

Just 2 days before she was to turn herself in, we sat with the boys, on the floor of the living room. Lewy knew something was up, but Benji was oblivious. He was still getting over his ear infection and was curled up Naomi's lap.

"What's going on?" Lewy ask softly. His knees were pulled up and he was looking at the both of us.

Naomi looked at me, then at Lewy, "Um, there's something me and daddy have to tell you guys. It's gonna...it's hard to really explain, because I know you guys aren't going to like it."

Lewy kept his mouth closed and watched up. I swallowed, "Uh, Mommy's going...going to go away for awhile."

"Where?" Benji asked.

Naomi inhaled, "I'm going to jail."

Lewy frowned, "Why? I thought Grandpa helped!"

"He did," Naomi began quickly, "Grandpa helped a lot, Lew, but I still have to go because some people think that I should."

Lewy began to cry and Benji just curled into Naomi's lap even more. Naomi beckoned Lewy over and he shot up over to her. She wrapped her arms around both of them, "I'm sorry about this, baby. I'm so sorry."

Benji started to cry next, wailing against Naomi's chest. She looked at me, desperate and on the verge of tears herself. All I could do was embrace them too, that's all.

There aren't words that could comfort them, aside from saying that Naomi wasn't really going, but that's just wishful thinking.

Lewy pulled away, looking up at Naomi, "How long will you be gone?"

Naomi sniffed and sighed, "Awhile, baby. I don't wanna go, but I have to."

"Can we come see you?"

Naomi was silent. She gave a reluctant nod after a moment, "Y-yeah. Yeah, you can come see me. I'll call you and I'll write too...you can write me."

Benji rubbed his face against her shirt and then looked up, "When ya leavin'?"

She inhaled, "2 days...on Friday."

"Will you be here for Halloween?" Lewy asked.

Naomi shook her head, "No...I'm so sorry."

"Thanksgivin'?"

Again, she shook her head.

Benji frowned, "Chris-miss?!"

Naomi began to cry, "I really don't want to go, Benny. I wish I could stay with you, Lew and Daddy."

"Thas not fair!" Benji cried, "I don' want you ta leave!"

Naomi pulled him closer to her, "I know, Benny, I know. I'm sorry. I want to stay, I really do."

The boys cried against Naomi for what seemed like hours. They had fallen asleep, and I helped her get them on the couch. Naomi held Benji and pet Lewy's hair back simultaneously.

"They're gonna be a handful," she said softly, "can you handle them?"

"I think so."

Naomi looked at me, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. If anyone was you, they'd kill him too. He almost killed you, what could you have done, let him shoot you?"

"This is the small price I have to pay for protecting them," Naomi shook her head. "If he hadn't have said he was going to hurt them, or if they weren't there with me, then I would've let him, Pete. I probably would've fought harder if they weren't home. I don't know..." She sighed.

"Can't go back, Navy."

She nodded, "I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I just want to get through the next 50 hours and then try and get through 8 months of being away from them."

"We'll be okay."

Naomi looked down at Benji and kissed the top of his head, "I'm gonna miss my little shadow," she smiled. "I'm gonna miss Lewy acting like the boss."

I smiled too, "Yeah, but it won't be forever."

"It'll feel like it," she shook her head. "I just have to remember it isn't forever."


Naomi made it clear that she didn't want a dinner or for anyone to make a fuss about her leaving. I knew that she didn't want a big deal to be made about her going off to jail, so none of us wanted to displease her. All Naomi wanted was to be with us and then spend her last few free moments with the kids. So, we gave that to her.

On the Thursday night before she would have to leave, she stayed in the house all day with the boys. No one bothered her, not even me. She and the boys played and then they made brownies. They were having the time of their lives. Right before we were gonna go to bed, Naomi put the boys to bed, and then she went to clean up the kitchen.

"You don't have to clean up," I told her, "I can do that."

Naomi just shrugged and still cleaned up. I went over and grabbed her arm gently, which she tugged at, "Just let me do it," she whispered.

I bit at my lip, "Sorry."

"Please stop saying sorry. Sorry doesn't help, okay?" She muttered this, looking at me. "I have to make Benji and Lewy's lunch for school tomorrow--"

"They're not going to school tomorrow," I told her, "they're gonna--"

"They have to," she told me shortly. "I leave in the morning and I don't want them there when my dad drops me off."

"I thought I was dropping you off?"

Naomi sighed and leaned against the counter, "My dad wants to. You're welcomed to come. I'm just...so confused on what the hell I have to do."

"Did they get the check for...your commissary?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "they did."

The commissary is where Naomi would get the things she needed in jail. Toothbrush, toothpaste, brushes, sandals, etc.

"I washed their clothes, I've made sure they've got their things ready for the next week of school," she began, "all you have to do is make sure Lew does his homework and that he reads you a book for 30 minutes and you sign--"

"Navy, I got it."

She frowned slightly, "I just don't want you to forget. When he goes to the library, make sure he gets a book and not a comic book again."

I smiled, "Yeah, I know."

"Get Benji a book or two," she murmured absentmindedly, "I want you to help him read."

"I know."

"Well, I didn't learn how to read properly until I was in 1st grade, I want them to know that school is important."

I nodded, "Yeah."

"I don't want them out in the snow. I don't want them to be hounded by those goddamn photographers," she shook her head. "I worry about them. This'll be the longest I've been without them since they were born...8 fucking months."

I went over and hugged her, kissing the top of her head. She exhaled, "I can probably get started on planning out wedding."

I chuckled, "Hell, me too."

"No other bitches while I'm locked up either," she muttered faux sternly.

I laughed, "No other bitches. You're my number 1 bitch."

She looked up at me, smirking, "That's what I like to hear."

I leaned forward and kissed her, earning a giggle. Naomi pulled back, "Hmm, are you tryna get some before you go on a 8 month dry spell?"

I cocked a brow, "Now I am."

I lifted her onto the counter, stepping back from her, watching her. Naomi gave me a look, a smirk still perched into her lips. My stomach grew in knots and my heart raced. Only she could make me feel so new and virginal. I inhaled and stepped forward, kissing her before moving my hands under her shirt.

She let out a giggle, breaking the kiss, "Your hands are so cold."

I rubbed my hands up and down her sides, moving to kiss her neck. Naomi ran her hands up and down my back, over my shirt, her legs wrapping around my stomach to pull me closer. I moved my hands down to her hips, to the waistband of her sweats and pulled at them. Naomi lifted her hips, letting me pull the sweats down to her ankles. I moved my hands down to her underwear, yanking at them, Naomi laughed huskily, "Hold your horses there, cowboy."

I moved back, her legs unwrapped and she pulled her underwear down, then pulled me back to her. Her hands immediately went to my own sweats and briefs, then she scooted off the counter, to me. I swallowed and pushed into her, kissing her lips to keep quiet. Naomi growled against my mouth, her nails dug into my shirt, while mine went up hers, feeling her bare breasts. I grunted softly, feeling my release coming too quick.

Naomi broke away and sighed deeply, her hips grounding against my stomach. I had to shut my eyes to keep from letting go just from the sight and feeling of her. She grabbed my neck and brought her mouth to mine, kissing me hard.

Naomi pulled away, panting softly, "I want you to look at me."

I opened my eyes and saw her eyes sizzling deep within. I bit down hard on my lip, feeling her tighten around me. That was all I needed, I came hard and fast, rocking my hips against her thighs still. Naomi came right after, muttering so under her breath. I panted and pressed my forehead against hers, feeling her breath hit my lips.

"I love you," I told her before kissing her bottom lip.

Naomi nodded slowly, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I love you too. I'm gonna miss you so much."