Without You, I'm Just Me

It was the day before the wedding and Naomi took the boys over to Rae's to prepare for the wedding. She wanted it to be traditional since we lived untraditionally already. So me, Patrick, Joe, Andy, my brother Andrew, Ricky, and Chris hung out at my house.

It was pretty uneventful, we got drunk -except Andy and Ricky- and messed around. He made jokes and then Chris said he hired a stripper. I thought he was joking until 3 girls showed up.

I was drunk and barely noticed them. The room was dark, Chris and Andrew had moved the coffee table so the girls could dance. Patrick had stayed off in the kitchen hiding away, which made me laugh, and Joe was throwing cash, then picking it up to do it again. The girls had danced a little, I wasn't paying attention to them; I was imagining Naomi dancing like that for me. It actually got me hard thinking about it; I got up, heading to the kitchen to get another beer.

"Trick," I muttered, "why don't ya enjoy yourself?"

"You know how I feel about stuff like that," he was only a little buzzed. He wasn't Happy Drunk Patrick yet.

"It ain't like your birthday, man," I laughed.

"I just...I don't know. Ain't it a little gay?"

"How is it gay?" I went to the fridge.

"Girls dancing and then leaving us all hot and bothered. We might do something gay."

I rolled my eyes, "We all got women here. You're with that Sabrina chick, right?"

He nodded in my fuzzy vision, "She's so cool."

I smiled, grabbed a beer and shut the fridge, "Alright, then do something gay with her. You can leave, I won't be mad. You wanna spend a night with her don't let me stop you."

"Nah," he murmured, "I'll feel bad. Plus I'm kinda drunk."

I patted his arm, "You can leave once you're sober. Okay?"

"Thanks, Wentz."

"Man, don't mention it. You wanna stay out here till they leave, Navy's got some ginger ale in there."

"Hey," he called before I could leave, "can I ask you somethin'?"

"What's up?" I leaned against the counter and popped open the can.

"What's it about Naomi? I'm just curious, I mean...like, how come you're so in love with her? What is it?"

I blinked and set the can down; the music in the other room got louder and the cheers were followed by the volume. I shrugged, "She...she gets me. She understands me, like how you understand me. Me and you can finish each other's sentences, but me and Navy think alike. She knew me before everything and she still treats me that way. It's hard to explain, but she's the only person who can make me feel on top of the world, but grounded at the same time, you get me?"

He nodded, "What was it about Ashlee?"

"Nothing. Me and her...I thought she was pregnant and things fell apart. She's different from Naomi, she used to let me get away with shit and she's famous like me, and she understood the Hollywood shit. But it got old and the love wasn't ever there...I'm not sorry it ended, I'm just sorry it started."

I couldn't believe how easy this all came out.

"You're okay with spending the rest of your life with Naomi?" He asked, his fingers threading through his shaggy dirty blonde hair.

I nodded, "More than happy. I got her if I don't got anyone else. And I love our kids...I love her for givin' 'em to me."

Patrick smiled, "I'm happy for you, Wentz. Congrats."

I chuckled, "Thanks, Trick."

I took my can and returned to the living room where one of the girls with a boa pulled me into a chair. I laughed as she danced the boa around my neck and tickled my face before dancing. I drank from my can of beer and let her do her thing; I didn't touch her, I just watched her dance, imaging Naomi in her place.


I had taken Naomi's advice from years ago and drank two glasses of water before I went to bed. I made sure Chris and Andrew did too because they drank a lot more than I did. We would have hangovers, but they wouldn't make us feel like death.

We all crashed and woke up the next morning at 9. Patrick had been on the phone with Sabrina the entire night and was sober when he woke us up. We took aspirin and they all headed out to get ready.

Patrick and Andy had stayed with me, then we went to Patrick's apartment so they could change, and I brought my suit with me to change over there. When we got there, Sabrina was there cleaning up, but she looked as if she had just woken up herself. She was in pajamas, her hair was up and she had no make up on.

"Holy shit, you sleeping with my man?" I kidded as I walked past her.

She giggled, "I wasn't last night."

"Yeah, but you guys had phone sex, yeah?" I poked Patrick's ribs.

"Shut up," Patrick muttered, his cheeks burning.

"I'll take that as a yes," I laughed.

Sabrina had blushed too, "No, we weren't. We just like to talk."

I patted her shoulder, "I was kidding, I'm always makin' shit awkward. Don't take anything I saw serious."

She smiled, "Okay, now I know that I'm in for more awkward conversations."

I winked, "That you are."

We all parted and started to get dressed. Andy and Patrick showered, I already had so I only had to get dressed. But I only managed to get my slacks on before this butterfly feeling took over my stomach.

I was nervous.

I laughed to myself, I can't believe how nervous I was about marrying Naomi. I wasn't even nervous when I was going to marry Ashlee. This was different, maybe because I'm so in love with Naomi; she most definitely gives me butterflies out of the blue. She makes my face grow hot and my heart speed up when I'm near her. Sometimes I can barely breathe when I'm with her.

"Hey," Andy called to me, breaking my thoughts. "You ready to go?"

I turned to face him, "Yeah. I'll finish dressing up at Rae's."

Andy smiled, "Let's get goin' then."

Me, Sabrina, Patrick and Andy piled into my SUV and drove to Rae's. Rae was waiting out front, shivering and ushering me in to the separate room away from where Naomi was. I kinda laughed, "What's the rush?"

"Navy wants tradition, remember?" Her voice snapped at me, "Get your butt in this room, get ready and don't you dare sneak a peek."

"I won't," I laughed again. "Thanks."

Rae gave me a thumbs up before she walked away. She had been in a dress and I hadn't noticed what it looked like. My stomach was in knots again as I dressed; Patrick, Andy and Joe hung with me to help and to make sure I would actually get ready. Patrick would dip in and out to check things out with Sabrina.

Andy had patted my shoulder as I looked at myself in a full length mirror in Rae's large guest room; "You're nervous, aren't you?"

I nodded, "How'd you know?"

"You're shaking and you can't tie your tie right, man," Andy turned me around so I was facing him and undid the mess I made of my tie. "Why're you nervous?"

"Hell if I know," I muttered. "I'm excited, too. I love her and this should've happened a long time ago, but...we never got around to it."

Andy began fixing my tie, "We love her too, so I hope this lasts."

"It will. I just don't want her to get bored of me."

"How would she get bored of you?"

"I dunno," I mumbled. "I'm worried about a lot of things, I want it to work."

Andy patted my shoulder after he finished fixing my tie, "You will, you just gotta trust it will."

"Thanks, Andy."

"No problem."

Patrick came in a minute later with my little dudes and my brother. Benji rushed over to me, "Daddy! Daddy, guess what!"

"What?" I picked him up and let Lewy come over and hug my waist.

"I killed Uncle Andrew with my secret ninja hands!" Benji exclaimed. "Uncle Andy teached me!"

I looked over at Andrew who was rubbing his neck. I laughed, "But Uncle Andrew is right there," I told Benji.

"Not-uh, tha's a ghost, dad," he answered.

We all laughed, "Good job then, Ninja. You're definitely the best."

Benji kissed my cheek, "Thank you!"

I set him down and the boys went over to Joe and demanded to play with his iPhone. I just shook my head and looked myself over in the mirror; I looked okay, I was just nervous.

"The ceremony is about to start," Patrick said, "we're gonna go get ready to line up with Naomi's bridesmaids."

"Alright, I'll be behind you."

As everyone headed out, my dad came in with a smile on his face. I exhaled, "Hey dad."

"Hey son. You ready for this?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

He patted my shoulder, "I'm proud of you, you know that?"

"I know, dad."

"This is gonna be great, you know. It's finally happening."

I smiled too, "Yeah, my stomach's all tangled up."

He chuckled, "Aw, that's sweet."

I shook my head, "I'm gonna use the bathroom then I'll be out there, okay?"

He gave a nod, "Sure son."

My dad left me alone; I exhaled and inhaled several times before I left to find a bathroom. I needed to breathe, maybe even splash my face. Walking out, I headed across the house, amazed at how actually big her home was; no stairs, just like acres of house, it's awesome. Anyway, I crossed the house and found a room with a light on through the sliver of the door, and I peeked inside, holding my breath. I smiled when I saw Naomi there, with Lee, pacing and fiddling with the sleeves of her dress.

"Are you okay?" Lee asked her.

"Yeah, just nervous, dad."

I didn't care for tradition anymore, I wanted to see her. So, I opened the door fully and caught their attention.

Naomi looked so gorgeous. Her hair was down and her short hair was wavy and under a white veil. Her dress was old fashion, it went up to her knee and puffed out; the sheer lace sleeves went down to her elbows, and it was beaded with white beads that matched all the way up across her breast. There was sheer lace that covered her chest that matched her sheer thin veil that covered her shoulders, and she wore white flats, making her just an inch taller than me.

"You're not supposed to see me," she scolded, but she soon smiled.

"I couldn't help myself," I felt tears swelling up in my eyes. I looked to Lee, "Can I talk to her for a minute, Mr. V?"

Lee nodded, stood from the chair and headed out, shutting the door behind him. Naomi looked at me, her lips turned up, "You're ruining the tradition."

"We weren't ever traditional to begin with," I rubbed at my eyes. "I just needed to see you."

"Are you nervous?" She asked me softly.

I nodded, "Yeah. Are you?"

"Extremely and I don't know why. You aren't gonna run from the altar when I get there, are you?"

I laughed, "Nah. Are you gonna run away?"

She shook her head shortly, "No way."

I stepped over to her and took her hands in mine, "You look fucking amazing, Naomi."

She blushed, "Really?"

I noticed her winged eyeliner was perfect, along with her bright red lipstick, "Yeah. You look so gorgeous, I'm the luckiest dude in Rae's house."

She giggled, "Mm-hm, lucky you."

I kissed her cheek, "Are you ready to be Naomi Wentz?"

Naomi grinned, "Yep."

I leaned in to her ear, "Don't forget to give me $5 later."

Naomi shut her eyes with the grin still on her face. She then bit the inside of her bottom lip, "I never forgot."