Without You, I'm Just Me

I checked myself in the mirror after talking with my mom; I had a bruise around my jaw, it was swore. My bottom lip was swollen, but I could suffice. I took a shower, seeing the bruises across my torso, but it wasn't so bad. I took a few pain killers and I was all better. I checked on the boys and found Lewy was reading to Benji; I didn't know how long they've been up, but they were under the covers while Lewy read Where The Wild Things Are.

I stood by the door until I heard Lewy pause, "Daddy?"

I smiled, "Yeah?"

They pulled the covers off, "We need baths."

I went over, "You're agreeing to a bath?"

"We like baths," Lewy said with a twisted face.

I chuckled, "When I was your age, I hated baths...I still do."

"We like 'em! We play pirates," Lewy went on.

"Alright, lets get to it, then. You have a party to get to."

I carried both boys to the bathroom and began to fill the tub. I made sure it was warm enough for them and put them inside. Benji got in, but stopped and touched my jaw, "It hurt?"

"Just a little."

He dropped his hand and sat in the tub; the bubbles filled and they began to play. I washed them up. I rinse them off, letting them play until their fingers got winkled. I wrapped them up and took them to the room to get dressed.

Benji looked at me, matching this same dumb look I get sometimes, "Today's my birthday?"

I smiled, chuckling, "Yeah, baby boy, today's your birthday," I took his hand, "Today, you're 3," we held up 3 fingers.

He giggled, "3."

"Yep, 3, buddy."

"Is mommy coming?" Lewy asked, brushing his fingers through his hair.

"Uh, maybe, I gotta call her."

Lewy hopped off the bed and went to his bag, grabbing socks. I managed to get their socks on and we went to the kitchen to make breakfast. I started with eggs and then began to call Naomi; Ashlee came in and took over, "I have to talk to her," I told her, "Gimme a sec."

I went off to the hall and listened to Naomi's phone ring. Finally, she picked up, "How are they?"

I paused for a moment, "We're making them breakfast. You want me to drop them off?"

"Yeah, sure," she breathed, "Your folks sent some gifts, so Benji should be happy. Even sent something for Lewy."

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm fine...got into a little mess after you left; Rob left, so it's safe to say he won't be speaking to me for awhile."

"Good," I uttered.

"Good?"

"Yeah, good, you expectin' me to say sorry? Cuz I'm not."

"Don't be a jerk."

"I'm not being a jerk."

"Yeah, ya are, actually," she snapped.

"I didn't call to argue, Naomi, I was checkin' up on you and wonderin' what you wanted me to do next."

"Just bring them to me," she murmured, "I miss them."

"Fine with me."

I hung up and returned to the kitchen; the boys had food in their plates and Ashlee was standing awkwardly there. I went over, thanked her, "Uh, could you get Benji's gifts?"

"Yeah," she smiled shortly and went off.

It was always so awkward whenever the boys were around. She never seemed to know what to do. I don't blame her, I was just getting to know my sons too.

Then, I thought about what my mom said. I had to do something, because this wasn't working. My marriage to Ashlee wasn't something I would die for; if I was married to Naomi, I would die for it to work. At the same time, I couldn't break anymore hearts; that's something I hated to do.

"Here you go," Ashlee broke my thoughts, "3 presents for the birthday boy."

I exhaled, watching Benji's eyes widened, "For me?"

"Yep," Ashlee said, "For you."

I grabbed the smaller one on top of the other 2, "Open one now," I slid it to him.

Benji took it and began to rip the colorful wrapping off. Lewy looked over, interested; Benji finally got the wrapping off, "Ooh, 's Ironman!"

Ashlee had bought him an Ironman action figure. He's one of Benji's favorites, I had her pick it up the day it was released.

"Thank you!" Benji said excitedly.

"You're welcome," Ashlee exhaled happily.

"You like it, Benji?"

"Yeah!" He lifted it up, "Lookie, Lew!"

I had to take the toy out the box so Benji could play with it. After that, I grabbed his gifts and got them into my car. I told Ashlee I would be right back; I knew I wasn't gonna stay over too long.

"Is Robert there?" Lewy asked over Benji making noises with his mouth.

I looked back quickly, "Uh, I don't think so."

"Are you gonna stay?"

"No, sorry," I told him, "Mommy wants to be with you guys."

"Okay," Lewy sounded upset.

I sighed and kept driving, not sure what to say to cheer him up. When we finally arrived, the driveway was empty, except for Naomi's car. I help the kids out and grabbed the gifts; Lewy took Benji's hand and led him up the pathway, I followed behind. I knocked on the door, standing behind the boys; Naomi opened the door a second after, smiling, "Hey babies!"

The boys rushed and hugged her as she knelt. I watched, hoping I wouldn't notice anything wrong. So far, nothing caught my attention.

"Come in," Naomi told me as the boys went in.

I did as she said, following her, "I got him some stuff," I mumbled, "I already let him open one."

"That's cool," she looked me over, "How are you feelin'?"

"I took a few painkillers, so I'm pretty good. My jaw just kills."

She hummed, "Would you feel any better if I told ya Rob looks worse?"

I smirked, "Yep."

"He looks like hell warmed over," she exhaled, "He's not coming back for awhile."

"Awesome," I set the gifts on the counter, "I'll be back later to pick them up--"

Naomi grabbed my hand, "Wait, lemme talk to you for a second."

"What?"

"Your mom called me," she said, "Are you okay?"

I raised a brow, questioning her, "Am I okay?"

"Pandora died," she went on with a furrowed brow, "She was one of your first dogs."

I breathed, "I'm fine...she was really more my mom's dog. If Hemy died, then it'd be different."

"Yeah, she told me Hemy is a little depressed...hasn't moved off the couch since Pandora went to sleep last night."

"That...sucks," I mumbled.

She gave me a curious look, "I thought you'd be upset...they adopted Pandora to ease your stress, right?"

"I guess, what're you getting at?"

"I was expecting you to be a little upset, I dunno. The boys are gonna be really sad when I tell them."

"Well, there's a lot more I have to think about than an old dog."

Naomi gave me a surprised look, "She was over 20 years old, Pete, geez, don't be such a prick about it. Your mom had her nearly your entire life."

I just shrugged, "Like I said, Pandora was my mom's dog, not mine."

"Alright, Pete, whatever," she moved towards the living room, and I followed.

There was a bunch of presents on the coffee table, that the boys were looking at. Naomi shooed them away and gave them each one. I watched, not wanting to interrupt.

"Are you gonna come over here or stand there looking stupid?" Naomi said to me with a smile.

"Not sure which I deserve more."

She sighed, got up and came over to me; she grabbed my hand and pulled me over, sitting me down beside the boys. I picked up Benji and put him in my lap, and helped him open his present. I caught a glimpse of Naomi taking a picture of us with her phone.

"It's for your followers," she told me, "Mr. Twitter."

I shrugged and laughed, "Sure."

After awhile, I left the boys with Naomi. I didn't want to stay around for whatever party she was having. I didn't want to meet her friends or pretend to be happy about who she was with. Plus, Patrick would be there and he and I weren't on the best terms; he's still my friend, but we all needed a breather from one another. I went off by myself, feeling sorry for myself, not sure exactly what I needed to do.


Naomi didn't call me after Benji's birthday. She sent me texts and that was it. We saw each other for 2 seconds when she picked up the boys, and she didn't speak. I was positive Rob had done something, I just wasn't sure what. I wasn't sure what to do about it; I didn't know how to get Naomi to see what I saw.

When it was time for her and the boys to return to Chicago, she met me at my house. They were on their way to the airport, and I was dreading their leave with every fiber of my being. My stomach dropped and I knew it wouldn't be surfacing any time soon.

The boys got out the car first and rushed over to me. So far, nothing had been going on, as Lewy relayed days before. Rob was barely around, according to him, and Naomi was quiet.

"Hurry up, boys," I heard Naomi say, "We have a plane to catch."

The boys hugged me tightly, and I hugged them back. My stomach was in tight knots, and I wasn't entirely sure why. Naomi made me this way, my kids too, but I didn't know what to do.

"Bye daddy," Benji said first; Naomi had come over and said something I hadn't caught what she said.

"Bye Benny."

Lewy hugged me tight, "I love you, daddy."

I kissed his cheek, "I love you, too, buddy. I'll see you soon, and if you need me, just call me."

He pulled back and looked at me, "I can?"

"Yeah," I nodded happily, "Any time you wanna talk to me, just get mommy's phone and call me. You know my name?"

"Peter," he said, "Like mine."

"Can you spell it?"

He nodded, "P-E-T-E-R."

"Yep, just like that," I smiled now, "Call me whenever you need me."

"Okay," he smiled softly.

I kissed his forehead and gave him one last hug, "I'll see you soon."

"I know."

I picked him up and carried him over to Naomi, she had no expression to her face. She finally gave a tight smile, then it faltered slightly, "Well, I'm sure you'll be visiting in May?"

I breathed, "Oh, yeah, I will."

"Great," she opened the back door, "C'mon, little dudes, we gotta go."

She put Benji inside first and then I set Lewy in his booster seat. He frowned at me, I ruffled his hair and got a small smile outta him. The way he makes his faces is identical to Naomi, I think it's the greatest thing.

"I love you guys," I said to both of them, "I'll see you guys soon."

"'Kay!" Benji waved, "Bye daddy."

I smiled, "Bye."

I stepped back and shut the door. Naomi walked past me and nibbled at her lip, "I'll see you, Pete."

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, bye, Navy."

Her lips turned up, my heart fluttered at this. Her hand came up and cradled my cheek, "Take care of yaself."

"You, too," I told her sincerely, "Please, Navy."

Her hand fell from my cheek, "I am, Peter."

I stepped back and watched her get in her car and began to leave. Her hand came up and waved at me from the window. My chest was tight and I missed her more than I ever had.