Without You, I'm Just Me

"RAWR!"

I grunted when I felt a little body land on mine. My eyes shot open, "What the heck?"

It was Benji, "Mommy says to get your lazy butt up, daddy."

I sighed, "I bet she did. What time is it?"

He sat up on his knees and brushed his hair out of his face, "9:30, like mommy told me."

"Is mom downstairs?"

"Yeah. She made pancakes!" Benji got up and began to jump up and down on the bed.

I climbed out of bed and grabbed Benji, "C'mon."

"Rawr!" He growled again.

I laughed and carried him down the stairs with me. Benji continued to giggle and roar at me; he wiggled out of my grip when we got to the kitchen. Naomi was at the counter on her phone talking to someone; she was dressed in my jeans and one of my shirts, but they fit her perfectly. She smiled at me and pointed to the table all while talking continuously. I sat at the table with Lewy and Benji as they ate; "Mom's leaving soon," Lewy told me.

"What're we doin' today, daddy?" Benji looked at me expectantly.

I chuckled at the seriousness of his face, "We're gonna go buy some food, then we'll see what else, alright?"

"The park like you said?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah, maybe. If you're good."

He scoffed just like Naomi does, "I'm always good, daddy!"

"No you're not," Lewy muttered.

Benji made a face at him, "No one was talkin' to you, Lewis!"

I couldn't help but to laugh at the way Benny pronounced his name; Lew-Is.

"Whatever," Lewy grumbled.

I still laughed, eating some food until Naomi came over, "Alright, mommy's out. I'll be back soon, okay? Be good for daddy."

Benji hopped up, "Bye mommy."

Naomi leaned down to kiss and hug him, she did the same to Lewy. She came over to me and kissed my lips softly, "Love you."

"Good luck," I told her, "love you."

"Don't get into any trouble," she smiled, "I'll call you when I'm on my way back."

We said bye to Naomi as she left. The house was quiet after the door closed. Lewy exhaled, "Whadda we do now?"

"We get ready, little dude."


"Alright," I said putting Benji in the shopping cart, "what do we need?"

"Bread!" Benji exclaimed, "I didn't get no toast ta'day!"

"Milk," Lewy added, "jelly, orange juice, cereal, ice cream, more pancakes and pizza!"

I smiled, "You guys are good."

The boys and I got the things we needed, and proceeded to the check out. We were stopped half way to a line when a teenager called my name; "Pete Wentz?"

I nodded, "Yeah?"

The girl was about my height with braces; she grinned at me, "Hi! Can I take a picture with you?"

"Yeah, sure," I agreed. "We havta be quick, my kids are impatient."

She got her phone out and stood beside me, and I put my arm around her, smiling. She took a picture, and then squealed, "You're the greatest! Thank you!"

"No problem," I said, "have a good day."

The girl squealed again and ran off. Lewy and Benji made faces, like they always did; "Why do they always do that?" Lew asked.

"Cuz they like 'im," Benji answered.

"Is it annoying?" Lew asked me.

I shook my head, "No."

"It looks annoying, dad," he said.

I chuckled, "Then make sure you don't become famous."

"I'm not!" He muttered.

We headed to a check out line and began to put everything in the convertor belt. The cashier rang our things up and I paid, then bagged our stuff. Outside, I picked up Benji out of the cart and gave him a light bag to hold, did the same with Lew and led them towards where we parked.

We headed out the parking lot, immediately becoming swarmed by paparazzi. I sighed, taking ahold of Benji's hand and made sure Lew was close to me. The photographers were asking me questions that I could barely hear; I couldn't answer, I just wanted to get to the car.

"Ugh! You're annoying me!" Lewy yelled at a photographer.

I laughed, but I knew it was getting to him. Benji was okay, he walked beside me, holding my hand tight, hiding his face with his hair. Lew held a bag of eggs and bread, while I had the heavier stuff.

"Move!" Lewy yelled at the guy.

"Lew, c'mere, walk closer to me," I told him; I looked at the photographers, "can you guys back off? My kid'll kick your ass if you don't get out of his way."

They just laughed, but I knew that Lewy would do something. The shutters went off causing Lewy to growl and kicked the guy closest to him in his nuts. I almost dropped everything; the guy fell over and Lewy kept walking.

"Lew!" I snapped, "What the hell?"

Lewy ignored me and rushed to the car. Me and Benji followed, walking faster; the photographers stopped and a few helped the guy up. I let Benji's hand go to get the keys to the car and pop the trunk; Lewy put the groceries in the trunk and hurried to get in the car. Once the groceries were inside, I closed the trunk and picked up Benji to strap him into his seat in the backseat with Lew. I was ready to tell Lewy off, but he looked like he was gonna burst into tears at any moment; so I held my tongue and just strapped them both in.

I drove off, still the photographers shot pictures until we were out of sight. I sighed, "Lew, you can't hit people. Especially people you don't know."

"Daddy, they was bothering us," Benji said; Lew remained quiet.

"I know they were bothering us. They bothered me a lot when I lived here, remember? That's how it's gonna be, I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I muttered. "They think me and your mom are cool because we're on TV. And since you guys are our kids, you're famous too."

"I don't wanna be famous," Lewy grumbled in a. heavy tone.

"Neither do I," I said, "but it's just how it is. I'm sorry about that, okay? I'll try and take you guys to places where those guys aren't."

"I wanna go home," Lewy murmured, his voice was still thick.

"We're going," I told him.

I drove straight home; the boys and I put everything away and then we played video games. Lew was a lot better; he and Benji played until they got hungry and demanded it make pizza. It was funny listening to them order me around; we ate and played until we were ready to fall asleep.

Naomi didn't get home until it was late; it was already dark outside. The boys had asked where she was, and I had called her phone, but she didn't pick up. I was happy to see her when she came in; "Hey guys, did you have fun today?"

"Yeah," Benji rushed to her, "did you have fun?"

Naomi picked him up and sat on the couch beside me and Lewy, who was lying his head on my arm; "No. I'd rather hang out with you guys than work."

"What'd you do?" Lew asked.

"Ya'know, I had meetings and I had to take pictures and dress up," she answered with a shrug. "What did you guys do?"

"We played," I said. "We got groceries and..." I wasn't sure if I should've told her about Lew's run in with the photographer.

"And what?" She asked.

Benji giggled and Lew sighed; "I kicked this man."

Naomi frowned, "You kicked someone?"

"In his privates," Benji added.

"Why?" Naomi asked shortly.

I sat up, ready to explain, "Don't get mad, Navy. It was paparazzi; he wouldn't get out of the way and Lew got frustrated."

Naomi's frowned disappeared, "Oh...okay, then. You were upset, weren't you?"

Lew nodded.

Naomi cooed, "C'mere, Bub."

Lewy crawled over me, so he and Benji were in Naomi's lap. I smiled at this and took my phone out to take a picture.

"You shouldn't kick people, Lew, even if they make you mad. You only kick them if they're hurting you, okay?"

"Okay."

I took the picture and put it on twitter; @NVWentz telling the little dudes not to kick random strangers in the nuts.

"What're you doing?" Naomi asked me.

"Sharing some advice with my followers."

She smirked, "Uh-huh, sure. It's time for bed, dudes, let's go."

I followed Naomi and the boys upstairs. We tucked them in and made sure they were near sleep before heading to our room. Naomi had began to undress while I sat on the bed; "I had one of the longest days of my life."

"Yeah? What'd you do?"

I watched her slip her clothes off and then her bra; "Fittings and stuff. I have a runway walk in 2 weeks..."

Naomi stood in front of the full length mirror topless. She stared at herself, so I got up and went over, wrapping my arms around her hips, "What're you starin' at?"

She was silent for a moment before she said, "This guy, Sergio, he's a designer...he saw my scars and said they made me beautiful."

I frowned slightly, "Was he hitting on you?"

She shook her head, "No. He was complimenting me. He said my scars made me beautiful...like a real woman who's been through hell and managed to make it. It was nice."

I rested my chin on her shoulder, "It's true."

"I don't see what you guys see either," she added.

"Whadda mean?"

"I don't see a model. I see this awkward woman who's barely a woman at all. I feel like a little kid."

"Why?"

"I don't feel like I've grown up at all, to be honest."

"I know what you mean."

"I'm starting to feel it though," she murmured. "It's cool knowing that I'm taking care of everything."

I smiled, "You're happy too, right?"

She nodded, "Yeah." I kissed her cheek, and she laughed, "I needa get dressed."

"Why?"

She pushed my hands away, "Because my husband is a pervert."

I laughed as she smirked at me and then headed to the dresser. I sat on the bed and watched her slip a t-shirt on and then climb into bed with me. Naomi laid back, I copied her movements, keeping my eyes on her; I could see she had something else on her mind; "What's up, Navy?"

She bit at her lip, "I've been thinking about Rob," she murmured. "Me and his mom settled out of court, remember?"

I nodded, "Yeah, but why are you thinkin' about him?"

"I keep thinking what I could've done different and how I just messed up--"

I stopped her, "He would've killed you."

She sighed, "Yeah, I know. I know that, but it...it's still in my head. I could've just threatened him with the gun and maybe..." She trailed. "I'm being silly now."

I rolled over and pulled her to me, "Can't change it so you shouldn't torture yourself over it."

Naomi nodded and kissed me, "You're right. I just had to tell you."

"You feel better?"

She exhaled, "Yeah, I do."

I pulled the blanket over us, "Goodnight, babe."

She smiled and rolled back to turn the lamp off, "Night, Pete."


The next morning Naomi got us all up to go shopping for new school clothes. Benji had protested, wanting to sleep in, but Naomi managed to get him up. We ate breakfast and then we headed out, going to a little clothing shop near the house, specializing in kid clothes.

Once Benji saw band shirts that resembled mine and Naomi's, he was fully awake. He grabbed Naomi's hand, pulling her towards the racks, "I want this! And this! And this! Like yours! We can match, mommy!"

Naomi picked out Ramones and Joy Division shirts for Benji; "Lew, you want one?"

"No," Lew shook his head.

He's opposite of Benji, he likes things with skulls, or just solid colors. Naomi got him a Misfits shirt and then he picked out some plain shirts. He really went wild when he saw button ups, "I like these!"

"Oh, my God, Lewy, you're gonna look so cute!" Naomi gushed, handing me the bundle of band shirts Benji had asked for.

I shook my head at them, picking out shirts. Benji stood by me, "Those are ugly," he mumbled.

I smiled down at him, "You and Lew have different tastes, Benny."

"My shirts are cooler," he said triumphantly.

"Why?"

"Cuz I look like you and mommy," he said simply, "you guys are cool!"

I ruffled his hair, "Whatever you say, Ben."

After the shirts, Naomi got them pants and shoes; then we left. Naomi drove, and I could see that she wasn't driving us home. "Where are we goin'?" Lewy asked.

"It's a surprise," she smiled, pushing her sunglasses up.

I looked around and tried to figure out where we were heading. I chuckled when I saw a dog pound come into sight; "Cool."

She smiled at me, "You figured out the surprise, huh Wentz?"

I nodded, "Yep."

"What is it?" Benji asked excitedly.

"You'll see. You're gonna havta close your eyes," Naomi told them.

"Okay!"

Naomi parked behind the building, and let us climb out; I picked up Benji and Naomi held Lew's hand, telling them to keep their eyes shut. I was surprised they did it; but the surprise was spoiled when a dog barked as we went in.

"We're gettin' a puppy dog!" Benji threw his hands up, nearly hitting me.

"Yo, watch yourself, Benny."

He smiled, "Sorry, daddy. Put me down, please!"

I put him down and saw him rush towards the open door to the dog kennels. Naomi stopped him, "Hold on, baby."

We went up to the front desk and told the woman there that we wanted a puppy. Naomi did all the talking; "I'm gonna let my little dudes pick the dog out."

The woman nodded, "Follow me."

Naomi took my hand, smiling at me again. I walked beside her, interlacing our fingers. We walked back to the kennels, seeing the dogs bark and step to the front of the cages.

"The puppies are over here," the woman directed.

Benji and Lewy followed her closely towards the end of the room; there was a display like cage with only a few different breeds of puppies. They let out little barks and whines as we got close; "Aw, they're so cute," Naomi cooed beside me.

"Mommy, I like this one!" Benji pointed to a Rottweiler.

"This one looks like Hemy," Lewy pointed to a little grey bulldog.

Benji followed Lewy, "That one looks like Hemy! He's all white like 'im."

"I want that one!" Lewy looked back at us, "Please?"

Naomi let my hand go to kneel with the boys, "Benny, you like that one?"

Benji nodded, "Uh-huh. He's like Hemy."

"That's a French bulldog," the woman said, "he's 8 weeks old."

"We'll take him," Naomi stood, "he's a little cutie."

"C'n I hold him?" Lewy asked.

The woman leaned in and picked up the dog from the cage, and then handed him to Lewy gently, "Here you go."

"What do we call him?" I asked them.

Benji shrugged, and Naomi hummed, "Dunno. Lew?"

Lewy pet the puppy and cuddled him, "I like Bear, cuz he's soft like a teddy bear."

"But he's a doggy, Lewis," Benji made a face.

Naomi pulled Benji to her side, "You like that name, Lew?"

Lewy nodded, keeping his attention on the puppy; Bear.

"Benji, do you have a name?" Naomi asked Benji.

He shook his head, "Nope."

"Then his name is Bear," Naomi announced.

"I think it's cool," I added.

"Then let's go adopt Bear and take him home."


Over the next couple of weeks, the boys started school and Naomi was constantly on the go. Me and her spent a lot of time texting, she would be gone for over 2 days doing fittings and doing interviews. The boys and I called her whenever we missed her and she always picked up; there were days when she didn't, but it didn't bother us. When she'd get home we spend the rest of the day letting her crash on the couch and watch movies with her; we'd let her sleep while we played with Bear. It was kinda like when I would leave for tour, I understood a little of all that Naomi had to go through without me around.

The boys were doing good in school, they made friends, they spent a lot of time playing outside with the dog, and they liked their new therapists. Benji didn't need to go once a week like Lew did; Lew liked talking to the new guy, who was glad we got a dog, because it helped him relax. Benji wasn't all that excited about going, he likes to go over to his friends's houses and play. The boys spending time out of the house meant I was by myself, with Bear, most of the time, and I took that time to write some new stuff and mess around with my bass and I bought a guitar; one of Patrick's.

It was close to Lewy's birthday when Andy came to visit us. Naomi had gone to Malibu for a 3 day shoot, so it was just me and the boys, and the dog. Naomi'd be back the day before Lew's birthday, so while she was gone Andy helped me set up the backyard for his party.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" Andy sat on the gazebo chair with Bear in his lap, petting him; he had sunglasses on and I could see he was looking away from me.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"You ever feel like you're missin' something?"

I sat across from him, "Like what?"

He was squinting under his sunglasses, "I dunno...I feel like I'm missing something and I dunno what it is. Sometimes I think it's a girl...but I've already figured out that I don't need a relationship right now."

"Are you feelin' like before?"

He nodded, then looked down at Bear, "Yeah."

I bit at my lip, thinking about it, "I know what you mean. I feel in a rut and I think I know what we need."

Andy looked at me now, raising his eyebrow, "What?"

"Our band."

He smiled, "Our band?"

"Fall Out Boy, dude! I've got so much shit that I've come up with and I'm excited and I wanna share it! But I didn't want to bring it up unless you guys did."

"We're all in different places, man," Andy shook his head. "Patrick's producing and making solo stuff, Joe is recording stuff for With Knives--"

"I'm not talkin' about an immediate reunion," I said quickly, "we can take our time...record, practice, start over. Start fresh...only of you, Rick and Joe wanna do it. If not, I can wait."

Andy grinned now, "I'm in. I've always been fuckin' in for a reunion."

"All we needa do is talk to Joe and Patrick," I said. "We're going to New York next month for fashion week with Naomi, maybe I can talk to Joe about it."

He nodded, "Sure, whatever, you know I'll be down."

I honestly felt butterflies, "The kids are gonna go nuts...I want this to be a good thing...don't wanna rush it."

Andy chuckled, "I know, Pete, we need to come back with a force. Give the kids what they've been waiting for."

I was too excited about this. Andy's excitement just fueled mine. I couldn't wait to talk to Patrick and Joe and hear what they think. I didn't want to force it, make it come gradually. I already had a feeling Joe would be down to do it if we all were, he's down to do whatever if everyone else is behind it. I also couldn't wait to tell Naomi; I couldn't wait to start again, get the band back together. This was gonna be crazy.