It Should've Been Me Instead Of Him

John.

Julie yelled at me for the second time. She yelled “I HATE YOU!”. Julie said that she hated me. It was made me hurt. Was it right? Or was she just angry?

I got my car to pick Julie up this afternoon. I found Julie’s best friend named Luna and I asked about Julie. Luna said that Julie didn’t go to college today, but I had dropped her off to campus today. Where actually did she go?

I took the initiative to call Julie, but no answers. I thought Julie was still upset about this morning. I tried to text Zack, asking about Julie. Who knows if Julie with him. And he replied soon, telling that they were in his house.

I drove my car heading to Zack’s, intending to get Julie back home. But when I arrived, I saw Julie and Zack were hugging. I could see them from the opened window. They were hugging and he stroked Julie’s hair, like I used to.

Suddenly I felt a pain in my heart and I decided to go back home. I guessed my tears would fall down if I still stayed here. And I didn’t want them see me cry. It'd be ashamed.

Julie.

Zack took me home though I didn’t want to. He convinced me to go back home because maybe John would tell Alex if I didn’t go home and Alex would worry. And he suggested me not to get mad at John, he ordered me to forgive John though everything was my fault.

I couldn’t find John in the lounge area, it meant he was in his room. His room locked. I guessed that he was too tired and slept earlier so I didn’t want to bother him. I decided to sleep earlier too.



I found John in the kitchen. I just saw his back but I knew that he was cooking. I smelt omelet.

“It smells fine.” I said as John turned his face back then turned away, avoiding my eyes. “What happened to your eyes?” asked me as I noticed John’s eyes, his eyes looked weird.

“No matter.”

“Let me see!” I pulled John’s arm, forcing him to turned at me as I realized that John’s eyes were swollen. “Why-”

“It’s fine.” He cut my words as he rubbed his eyes.

“Did you cry last night?” I asked in curiosity and he just ignored me. “JOHN?!”

“It wasn’t important.”

“Important for me.” I whispered softly as I put my hands on John’s face, forcing his eyes to look at mine. “Don’t lie anymore, John.”

“Let’s have our breakfast.” John said slowly as he let go of my hands from his face and started to serve our breakfast, changing our topic.

I didn’t touch my meals, just staring at John. John’s eyes were swollen. I guessed it was because he cried last night. I had never thought what the causes would have made John cry. Was he missing Becky again?



For a month, Zack and I turned to be closer while I had been so far with John. Zack always called me at night, accompanying me before I slept. He always showed that he cared about me. He always took me away if I had some problems in my college. It could remove my dizziness and made me happy.



It was Saturday night and I just stayed at home with John, as usual. Suddenly the doorbell rang and I opened the door, there came Zack. He smiled at me and I offered him to take a sit in the living room as I made my way to the kitchen, wanted to make a glass of syrup for Zack.

From the kitchen, I could see John peeked from the lounge area. I noticed that John always peeked Zack, oh my god. Was John a gay? But I was sure, he wasn’t a gay. I could see John blushed when I was walking in front of him while he was peeking Zack, and I really wanted to laugh because of his weird attitude.

Zack and I talked much in the living room until he asked me to go outside with him. I agreed but we should ask for John’s permission first because Alex had ordered him to take care of me and told me to keep telling John whenever I wanted to go. I left Zack alone in the living room and made my way to approach John in the lounge area. John turned to face me as I stepped in.

“What movie are you watching?” I asked John as I sat next to him.

“Pirates Of The Caribbean.” John answered hurriedly as he kept focusing his eyes to the movie, then turned to face me again. “Has Zack gone home?”

“Not yet.” I answered instantly as I shook my head and John showed a confusion look as if he asked ‘then-why-are-you-sitting-next-to-me’. I bit my lower lip. “Umm.. I wanna go outside with Zack, John. Would you-”

John swallowed hard after hearing what I said. “Yeah.” He cut my words as he turned away. “Of course, why not?”

I noticed his face and he obviously made a boredom look, making me really hesitate to speak. “Umm.. Are you sure? You used not to obey my wishes, did you?”

John frowned as he turned at me and held my arm. “Julie.. You must know one thing, I don’t wanna make any quarrel between us anymore.”

“Well, thanks John. I knew you tried to take care of me so much in order not to make Alex disappointed because he had trusted you.” I thanked shyly as I stood up and stepped to leave John.

“Yeah, you know I'll never want to make your cousin disappointed. He's my best friend.” John answered quietly as his eyes noticed me disappearing.

But then I felt there was something lack. I returned to the lounge area and bend my body to reach John's ear, intending to whisper him something. “I feel indebted to you, John.” I chuckled a little as John turned his face to me, our faces were just inches and I could feel his breath around my nose. I couldn’t bear my nervousness to look at John’s perfect green eyes as I started to stutter. “Uh.. I-I promise I’ll pay it, just ask me everything you want.” I showed a big grin and without his response, I made my way to the living room and went outside with Zack.