Status: updates when inspiration and free time collide.
Permanently Yours
Loneliness is Over.
I wanted to start a band so badly, but it seemed like no local band was in need of a bass player, or wanted a female bass player. That sucks. Garrett and Pat’s band were doing fine and fucking dandy. They practiced all the time. They were always inviting me to band practice, but I declined. My excuse was usually homework, but I’d actually gotten in a bit of a cutting phase by sophomore year. Kennedy and John didn’t know. I knew John would flip out on me. And I didn’t want to freak out Kennedy…
“Why can’t I go?” I asked angrily.
“It’s a school night,” mom said simply, continuing to do the dishes.
“You said if I had all A’s I could go out whenever I want. And guess what? I have all A’s!”
“Don’t you use that tone with me, Grey Nickelsen,” mom said with a frown.
“Why won’t you let me go? You let Garrett go out whenever he wants, and he’s got some C’s!”
“Garrett never goes far, he’s always with friends, and he’s a boy.”
“I’m going with friends, too!”
I felt an arm draped over my shoulders and looked up to see John’s face. “We’ll take good care of Grey, Mrs.Nickelsen,” John promised, affectionately mussing up my hair. “Won’t we, Kennedy?” Kennedy nodded vigorously, and I could see the tickets sticking out of the back pocket of his jeans.
Things got fucking weird at that point. “Oh, Grey! You didn’t tell me you were friends with John and Kennedy!" mom said excitedly. "How are you boys doing?” Turns out…John and Kennedy were in Garrett’s band.
I’d never felt more betrayed in my life.
“I’m only letting you go because I know John and Kennedy, alright?” my mom said half sternly as I packed my drawstring bag with my concert essentials. We were going to see The Starting Line and a few other bands.
“Alright,” I said quietly. I never used ma’am or sir with my parents. They didn’t deserve that kind of respect.
I got into the car with John and Kennedy. John was driving and Kennedy and I sat in the backseat, all our junk in the shotgun seat. “You’re awful quiet, baby doll,” John noted, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. “Everything alright? Aren’t you fucking excited?”
I forced a smile. “Of course I’m fucking excited. We’re about to see the Starting Line!”
We were pumped for the show throughout the car ride. The show was everything I imagined it would be, and so much more. We got to meet them. I about passed out. Kennedy and John laughed at how much I fan-girled on them. It was nearly one when we got home, though. “Shit,” I cursed when we got to my house. I’d forgotten my keys, Garrett was spending the night at Pat’s, and I didn’t want to ring the bell and wake up my parents…so I went home with Kennedy.
“You can borrow some of my clothes,” Kennedy yawned when we arrived at his house. I’d never spent the night at a friend’s before, let alone a boy’s. “You want the shower first? You’re gonna smell like a guy, though,” Kennedy laughed, casually slipping his shirt off. I guess it was nice that he was so comfortable around me, but seeing Kennedy shirtless made me pretty uncomfortable… “Grey?”
“Yeah, I’ll shower first,” I muttered, dropping my bag on his queen sized bed. I showered quickly, because the soapy water made my arm sting. Kennedy left me a towel and some clothes on the counter of the bathroom sink, so I changed into those. I loved how everything smelled like him. While Kennedy showered, I sat on his bed and watched some reruns of That 70s Show.
Kennedy came to bed in only boxers and basketball shorts. “You had fun, Grey?” he asked sleepily, flopping onto the bed with me. He obviously intended for us to sleep in the same bed. I don’t know how I felt about that.
“Yeah. Show was fucking awesome.”
“I had no idea you were Garrett’s sister,” Kennedy said conversationally, making me cringe. “Grey?”
“I’m sleepy, Kennedy,” I scoffed, turning so my back was facing him.
“What’s bothering you?” he asked quietly when I was certain he was asleep. “Grey? I know you’re still awake…you haven’t started snoring yet.”
I whacked him with a pillow. “I do not snore!”
Kennedy laughed, grabbing my wrist so I couldn’t hit him with my pillow anymore, but the pressure on my wrist made me wince and inhale sharply…which Kennedy inevitably noticed. “Grey, what’s wrong?” he asked seriously this time, and he turned on his bedside lamp. I quickly rested my head on my hands.
“Jesus, Kennedy, turn the lights out! We’ve gotta go to school tomorr-“
But he grabbed my wrist and roughly pulled it up towards the light. “What the hell, Grey.”
Shit, shit, shit. The cuts looked even uglier now than ever before. “You don’t understand. It’s so fucking late, Kenny, can we just go to sleep?”
“Why, Grey?” Kennedy asked softly as his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me close.
The hug was such a sweet gesture that I completely broke down. I ranted to Kennedy all about how I was constantly living in Garrett’s shadow, how our parents treated me like shit, about everything – even how I felt about him and John being friends with Garrett. Kennedy was really quiet after all that, reaching over to trace my scars. “What are you thinking about?” I asked quietly, rubbing away my tears.
“I’m trying to think of a way to cheer you up,” Kennedy sighed, his hot breath making me shiver.
I laughed softly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m over it.”
“No you’re not,” Kennedy said knowingly. “Why didn’t you ever say anything before this?” he asked, motioning to my arm, which I had more or less rendered to shredded red ribbons.
“…Because.”
Kennedy scoffed, and I could practically hear his eyes rolling in his head. “Whatever, Grey…if it makes you feel any better, I was friends with you before I knew Garrett.”
I smiled into my pillow. “...Yeah, that kind of does.”
“Why can’t I go?” I asked angrily.
“It’s a school night,” mom said simply, continuing to do the dishes.
“You said if I had all A’s I could go out whenever I want. And guess what? I have all A’s!”
“Don’t you use that tone with me, Grey Nickelsen,” mom said with a frown.
“Why won’t you let me go? You let Garrett go out whenever he wants, and he’s got some C’s!”
“Garrett never goes far, he’s always with friends, and he’s a boy.”
“I’m going with friends, too!”
I felt an arm draped over my shoulders and looked up to see John’s face. “We’ll take good care of Grey, Mrs.Nickelsen,” John promised, affectionately mussing up my hair. “Won’t we, Kennedy?” Kennedy nodded vigorously, and I could see the tickets sticking out of the back pocket of his jeans.
Things got fucking weird at that point. “Oh, Grey! You didn’t tell me you were friends with John and Kennedy!" mom said excitedly. "How are you boys doing?” Turns out…John and Kennedy were in Garrett’s band.
I’d never felt more betrayed in my life.
“I’m only letting you go because I know John and Kennedy, alright?” my mom said half sternly as I packed my drawstring bag with my concert essentials. We were going to see The Starting Line and a few other bands.
“Alright,” I said quietly. I never used ma’am or sir with my parents. They didn’t deserve that kind of respect.
I got into the car with John and Kennedy. John was driving and Kennedy and I sat in the backseat, all our junk in the shotgun seat. “You’re awful quiet, baby doll,” John noted, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. “Everything alright? Aren’t you fucking excited?”
I forced a smile. “Of course I’m fucking excited. We’re about to see the Starting Line!”
We were pumped for the show throughout the car ride. The show was everything I imagined it would be, and so much more. We got to meet them. I about passed out. Kennedy and John laughed at how much I fan-girled on them. It was nearly one when we got home, though. “Shit,” I cursed when we got to my house. I’d forgotten my keys, Garrett was spending the night at Pat’s, and I didn’t want to ring the bell and wake up my parents…so I went home with Kennedy.
“You can borrow some of my clothes,” Kennedy yawned when we arrived at his house. I’d never spent the night at a friend’s before, let alone a boy’s. “You want the shower first? You’re gonna smell like a guy, though,” Kennedy laughed, casually slipping his shirt off. I guess it was nice that he was so comfortable around me, but seeing Kennedy shirtless made me pretty uncomfortable… “Grey?”
“Yeah, I’ll shower first,” I muttered, dropping my bag on his queen sized bed. I showered quickly, because the soapy water made my arm sting. Kennedy left me a towel and some clothes on the counter of the bathroom sink, so I changed into those. I loved how everything smelled like him. While Kennedy showered, I sat on his bed and watched some reruns of That 70s Show.
Kennedy came to bed in only boxers and basketball shorts. “You had fun, Grey?” he asked sleepily, flopping onto the bed with me. He obviously intended for us to sleep in the same bed. I don’t know how I felt about that.
“Yeah. Show was fucking awesome.”
“I had no idea you were Garrett’s sister,” Kennedy said conversationally, making me cringe. “Grey?”
“I’m sleepy, Kennedy,” I scoffed, turning so my back was facing him.
“What’s bothering you?” he asked quietly when I was certain he was asleep. “Grey? I know you’re still awake…you haven’t started snoring yet.”
I whacked him with a pillow. “I do not snore!”
Kennedy laughed, grabbing my wrist so I couldn’t hit him with my pillow anymore, but the pressure on my wrist made me wince and inhale sharply…which Kennedy inevitably noticed. “Grey, what’s wrong?” he asked seriously this time, and he turned on his bedside lamp. I quickly rested my head on my hands.
“Jesus, Kennedy, turn the lights out! We’ve gotta go to school tomorr-“
But he grabbed my wrist and roughly pulled it up towards the light. “What the hell, Grey.”
Shit, shit, shit. The cuts looked even uglier now than ever before. “You don’t understand. It’s so fucking late, Kenny, can we just go to sleep?”
“Why, Grey?” Kennedy asked softly as his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me close.
The hug was such a sweet gesture that I completely broke down. I ranted to Kennedy all about how I was constantly living in Garrett’s shadow, how our parents treated me like shit, about everything – even how I felt about him and John being friends with Garrett. Kennedy was really quiet after all that, reaching over to trace my scars. “What are you thinking about?” I asked quietly, rubbing away my tears.
“I’m trying to think of a way to cheer you up,” Kennedy sighed, his hot breath making me shiver.
I laughed softly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m over it.”
“No you’re not,” Kennedy said knowingly. “Why didn’t you ever say anything before this?” he asked, motioning to my arm, which I had more or less rendered to shredded red ribbons.
“…Because.”
Kennedy scoffed, and I could practically hear his eyes rolling in his head. “Whatever, Grey…if it makes you feel any better, I was friends with you before I knew Garrett.”
I smiled into my pillow. “...Yeah, that kind of does.”
