Permanently Yours

“Are you sure about this, Grey?” Ben asked, twirling his drumsticks in his hands. “Your hand…it’s a little too early to be playing with it again, right?”

“That’s what she said,” Sam said with a playful punch to Ben’s shoulder before cracking his knuckles and sitting down on a couch in the lounge. We were at The Music Box, getting ready for our gig. It wasn’t a big show… I just wanted John to see our band, so I booked the place for us tonight. I was excited, even though it hasn’t been that long since our last tour. “Where’s the set list? We’re playing the whole album, yes?”

I nodded, handing Sam the paper we printed off at home earlier. “Soundcheck,” Ben said, pulling the both of us to our feet. The order of the songs we’d be playing was “1985”, “Come Away”, “14 Arms”, “You Got Me”, “My Love”, “Saving Grace”, “Raincoat”, “It’s Only Wednesday”, “Non Believer”, and finally ending with “Mountain Man”, as always. We would start filming some music videos when my hand wasn’t so fucked up.

Soundcheck was fine. It’s been a while since I’ve played my bass guitar, and sometimes I would play the wrong part, which made me nervous, but Sam and Ben just told me to drop out if I forgot or if my hand hurt. No bass is better than fucked up bass.

John texted me that he was here after our soundcheck, but we were already back in the lounge, getting ready to play the show. I was excited for him to see us play. John was the only one who supported my dream of being in a band. Kennedy never knew. I thought he was into the girly kind of girl and I figured he wouldn’t like me if I was like that, so I never told him about it.

“So, how’s everybody doin’ tonight?” Sam asked after three songs, drinking some water as the crowd roared back an answer. I was pretty surprised at how many people showed up. I could make out John’s lanky figure by the bar, of course. When he caught my eye, he waved excitedly, so I playfully blew him a kiss. “Whoa, Grey, who was that directed to?” Sam asked with a laugh. I wordlessly started playing the intro of the next song. Ben laughed and Sam rolled his eyes, but they went along with me.

“Did you guys know Grey wrote this song?” Sam asked the crowd as I began the intro to “Saving Grace.” I had written this song about John, and the next song, “Raincoat”, was written about Kennedy. Sam mentioned that I wrote “Raincoat” too, but he didn’t call me out on the songs being written about guys in my life. Because neither he nor Ben knew anything more about my past than the traditional, “I ran away because I hated my parents for not supporting my dreams” story.

After “Raincoat” came “It’s Only Wednesday”, which included my favorite piano chord progression that Sam had ever come up with. But after “Saving Grace”, my hand had started bleeding again. I played through the pain, though, and barely managed to finish “Mountain Man”, but I was proud that I did. “Mountain Man” was our first single. It was special to me.

Sam talked about chilling with the fans after the show, but once the song was over, I had to go offstage. Ben helped me into the back lounge. I put my bass guitar down beside me on the couch, grimacing at the bloody neck of it.

Suddenly, a crowd of five familiar people burst into the room, security at their heels…and Garrett was the first among them, rushing over to me. “Sissy, are you ok?” He asked worriedly, kneeling down and examining my hand. Oh, so now they recognize me?

I glared at John, who simply smiled sheepishly at me. “Why did you bring everyone?” I asked angrily, and John opened his mouth to speak, but I didn’t even listen. “Get out. Get the fuck out. Right now.”

“But sissy –“

Ben, Sam, and security escorted them all out.