Waiting for Life to Begin

Okay, so I haven’t exactly got around to talking to Jack quite yet. I know, I know, I suck – but I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. It’s hard, okay? I can’t screw this up. Jack’s important to me, and if I lose him completely? No. He’s everything I want, and I have to make sure that I do things properly.

Alex and Rian have kept quiet (although I suspect they’ve told Danny and Matt because I caught that couple glancing at me sympathetically yesterday) but I can tell that they’re getting impatient for Jack and I to be at least friends again. I will do it. I will talk to him before his birthday, like I promised. I just have to figure out how.

Today is three days before Jack’s birthday, the 15th of June, and our last football game ever. This game would secure my future of a football scholarship at OSU. It was everything to my parents. It should be everything to me too. I had just pulled my game jersey over my shoulder pads, finally finished getting ready, when Jack walked out of Coach’s office and sat down next to me. He isn’t wearing any pads or his cleats and his mouthguard was in his hand. What the fuck?!

“Why aren’t you ready?” I frowned to Jack.

“Coach won’t let me play,” Jack whimpered.

“What? Why?!” I asked incredulously.

“You know why,” Jack mumbled.

How fucking dare he! I told Coach what would happen if he refused to let Jack play because of his sexuality. I fucking told him.

“Right, pack up your locker,” I ordered, slamming mine open.

“What are you doing?!” Jack asked, confused.

“Just do it,” I grunted.

I grabbed the duffel bag at the bottom of my locker and stuffed my regular clothes, my spare football jersey and my shower products in it, before slamming the door closed again…only to see Coach storm over with Enderson and Young behind him. Fuck. They told him I was packing. Oh well.

“What are you doing, Merrick? The game starts in 15 minutes!” Coach demanded.

“I told you if you didn’t let Jack play that I wouldn’t be playing either!” I said angrily.

“Zack, no! This is the last game!” Jack protested.

I ignored him.

“I mean it. Without Jack, I’m not playing,” I said defiantly.

And Coach exploded.

“I WILL NOT HAVE A FAGGOT ON MY FIELD!”

Jack choked a sob, tears trickling down his cheeks. I clenched my fists, trying to contain my anger. This is it. Fuck it. This is my moment. Screw trying to do things properly.

“Well guess what, Coach? I’m a faggot too, so I guess I can’t play either!” I said with a smirk.

I heard gasps and things being dropped. I didn’t dare look at Jack. I just kept my eyes trained on Coach.

“You…you’re…what?” he floundered.

I rolled my eyes. Now for a dramatic exit.

“Come on Jack, we’re leaving,” I announced.

I grabbed my bag and grabbed Jack’s arm, before pulling him out of the changing rooms behind me, heading across the parking lot to my car.

“Is it true?” Jack whimpered.

“That I’m a faggot too?” I asked.

Jack just nodded. I licked my lips out of nerves.

“Yeah, it is. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I said nervously.

“But why…why didn’t you tell me? Was it after…y’know?” Jack asked.

After we had sex?

“No, I started to realise over Spring Break and I realised for sure after the homophobic attack in school. I didn’t tell you then because I thought you deserved better. And I didn’t tell you after we had sex because I was trying to figure out how to tell you without sounding like a jerk. I guess I kinda blew it by blurting it out in front of the team,” I said awkwardly.

“So…it wasn’t a pity fuck?” Jack asked quietly.

“Not even close,” I smiled.

He smiled back. Maybe everything will be okay after all.

“HEY GUYS! WAIT UP!”

Rian?

We turned around to see Rian, Alex, Danny and Matt walking across the parking lot towards us, duffel bags in hand. What the fuck?

“You guys aren’t playing either?” Jack asked, surprised.

“Fuck no!” Danny grinned.

Well…I didn’t expect this.

“What happened after we left?” I mused.

“Coach went into a shouting fit, Danny and I started making out, and Rian went out to the stands and dragged Alex out after making Evan, Vinny and Grieco promise to tell us what happens there,” Matt explained, smiling.

“We figured that if you could grow the balls to come out, then so could we,” Rian nodded.

Holy shit, they all came out? Because of us? Because of me?

“But…your dad was walking into the changing rooms just as I left with Rian. Sorry,” Alex grimaced.

Oh shit. This would not be good.

“ZACHARY!”

Cue my homophobic father.

“I’ll deal with this, you guys go. Jack, can you put my bag with yours in my car?” I said.

Everyone nodded, Jack taking my keys. I swallowed heavily and turned to face the school, where my dad was storming across the parking lot with my mom and a fair few other people in tow. Oh good. An audience. Just what we need.

“Can I help you?” I asked calmly, as he reached me.

“Tell me this is just an elaborate prank!” he demanded.

I gritted my teeth but shook my head.

“No, I’m not joking around. I’m bisexual,” I said firmly.

I didn’t expect my dad to backhand slap me hard across the face. Everyone gasped, my mom’s face going pale. I just gritted my teeth again and glared at him.

“No son of mine is a fucking faggot,” he sneered.

“Then I guess I’m no son of yours,” I retorted.

I stepped backwards to link my hand with Jack’s, more gasps and whispers sounding. Jack looked up at me questioningly, so I took a deep breath and smiled…

…before kissing him in front of everyone.

Holy shit. I can’t believe I’m doing this. But Jack is completely worth it. Shouts, gasps, cries of horror, cheers (I’m pretty sure that was Rian, Alex, Danny and Matt though) sounded, and I lingered a little before breaking the kiss. Holy shit. That was definitely the coolest thing I’ve ever done.

I looked up just in time to see my dad storming over to us.

“This is your fault, Barakat! You’re the one who corrupted him!” my dad shouted.

“I-I don’t think…”

My eyes widened as my dad’s fist drew back, and I quickly shot my hand out, grabbing his fist just as it swung towards Jack’s face, stopping mere inches from Jack’s nose.

Stunned silence.

With a growl I threw my dad’s hand down and swung my own fist, slamming it hard into my dad’s face. A few shrieks and gasps sounded as he fell to the ground, sprawled across the floor. Unconscious.

Holy fuck.

“Don’t you ever try to hurt Jack again,” I spat.

As soon as noise thundered around us, I grabbed Jack’s hand again and pulled him to my car, Rian, Alex, Danny and Matt getting into their cars too. I didn’t realise that I was shaking until I tried to start the engine.

“I can’t believe you just knocked your dad out for me. I can’t believe you’ve given up everything for me,” Jack said, shocked.

I chanced a glance at him. He was smiling.

“He tried to hit you. It was defence, obviously. And you’re worth it,” I said softly.

Fuck, what the fuck just happened? What the fuck am I meant to do now? I won’t get the scholarship if I don’t play today, so that’s a no to OSU. And I definitely can’t stay at home…

“Can we get out of here?” Jack asked.

I nodded, forcing a smile. I can do this. I can leave everything behind. As long as I have Jack, I’ll be fine, right? I reversed out of my parking space, and started to drive away slowly, when I heard ‘Zachary, wait!’. Mom?

I braked heavily. Sure enough, she ran up to the car, and I hesitantly rolled the window down.

“Yeah?” I asked simply.

She thrust a credit card into my hands. What?!

“Go. I’ll tell your dad that you’ve left town and are never coming back. Use this for a month – I’ll pay off any bills, no matter what, and then I’ll cancel the card after 30 days. Use it to set up a new life, or whatever. When you’re settled, text me your address and I’ll mail all your graduation diplomas down to you. Just…be safe, okay?” she said softly.

I’ve never had more respect for my mom that I do right now.

“Thank you so much,” I whispered.

“Go. I’ll hold him off for an hour – go pack your stuff and leave while you can, baby boy,” she said with a shaky smile, tears filling her eyes.

Tears pricked at my eyes too, but I kissed her cheek and nodded, winding up my window again.

“We can start a new life,” Jack murmured, “Somewhere that no-one knows us,”

I nodded and smiled, starting to drive again, Rian’s car and Matt’s car right behind. I have no doubt that they’ll come with us too. A new life…with no football…somewhere we can be ourselves…somewhere with Jack…

“Where can we go though?” Jack asked.

My eyes caught sight of a letter sticking out of my glove compartment, and I grinned.

“I have an idea,”