I See Your Name in Lights

I stared into my closet blankly, my eyes skimming over the array of jeans I had, all hung up in a neat row. Light blue, dark blue, black, skinny, baggy, the girl pants I hadn’t worn in a while, some with holes, some that…

Great.

I closed my eyes, extending my arm randomly to select a pair. I could have easily gone to Zack’s wearing a pair of my usual, baggy jeans – as I had when I went to school that day – but I wanted to look different than normal. I wanted to look –

My eyes opened to a pair of bright purple jeans. First off, where did these come from? No. I hung them back up instantly, disgusted. I’ll get rid of those eventually. I closed my eyes again, making a conscious effort to be on the opposite side of the closet.

Black skinny jeans. Simple enough. But cliché. Jack might think I’m copying him if I were to wear the same shirt as I had today – black jeans and band tees seemed to be his thing.

With a bit of an effort, I hopped around the room, trying to squeeze myself into my pants, then flung my shirt into the hamper by the door. I then fell to my knees in front of my dresser, opening the drawer that contained my favorite clothes.

Band shirts were all that were neatly stacked on the top, so I had to dig into the bottom. I peered into the back, then found my old stash of plaid. I plucked out my favorite red over shirt, grabbing a white undershirt and throwing them on. I then stood in front of the mirror in my room, squinting my eyes.

I’m missing something, I thought.

I beamed when I realized what – my favorite hat could accent the slight gray in the pattern of my shirt. I expertly stuck the oversized beanie on the top of my head, excited to finally be able to wear one without getting in trouble.

I posed triumphantly in front of the mirror, making faces at myself.

“Alexander!”

I slouched my shoulders and made a noise, annoyed by mother’s tone. Even though I didn’t want to, I soon raced down the stairs to see what she wanted. “What?”

My mother sat waiting for me with her arms crossed.

“…What did I do?”

“There’s going to be drinking at this party, isn’t there, Alex?”

“I don’t know, mum,” I answered. “But if there is, I’m not interested.”

She nodded, but said nothing.

“If there is, I’ll even leave early. I know better.”

She continued to stare at me. “I don’t know how you plan to have your friend bring you back early.”

“He’ll understand,” I pressed.

The heaven-sent sound of the doorbell rung loudly. “It’s probably for you.”

I smiled at her, and I saw a reciprocal smile pull at her lips before I turned to race for the door.

“Alex!” My friend shouted as I opened the door. I quickly took him into my arms in a tight hug, then urged him to come in.

“Mum, you wanted to meet him?” I yelled, dragging him towards my mother by his wrist. He waved at her, his big, goofy grin obviously already winning her over.

“This is Jack?” Mum asked as I let go of him, still standing close enough for our shoulders to touch.

“That’s me,” Jack grinned, taking my mother’s hand like some kind of gentleman. I chuckled at my mother as she blinked slowly, confused.

“It’s… nice to meet you,” She mumbled.

“Sorry I didn’t say hi yesterday, I was being hasty because I was cold,” He shrugged his shoulders, letting go of her hand.

“It’s okay. I just wanted to meet you before you brought him with you tonight.”

“That’s understandable,” He stood awkwardly for a moment. I nudged him with my elbow. “Oh… And, what time do you want him home?”

My mother pursed her lips in thought. “At eleven.”

“Eleven?” Jack and I groaned in unison.

“Is there a problem?”

Yes, we had a problem with that. I nudged him again, urging him not to forget to ask her if I could just stay with him, like we talked about in school all day.

“It’s just so early, ma’am,” He frowned.

“Is there any way I could stay longer, mum?”

“He could stay over at my place,” Jack pressed, acting as if he had just came up with the idea. “Please? My mom wouldn’t mind.”

“Well…” My mother sighed. “Fine. But you better not do anything stupid, son. And be home before dinner tomorrow.”

“Okay!” I whooped in triumph, pulling Jack up the tairs with me as I raced to get the clothes I’d set aside earlier just in case. He stared at my room in awe for a minute, until I had my bag around my shoulder and beckoned for him to run back down with me.

I waved at my mum as I practically shoved Jack out of the house, promising her that she could trust me. He stood just outside, his head cocked slightly and a smile threatened to spread across his face.

“…What?”

“You’re just… so excited,” He stifled a giggle. “It’s… It’s really cute.”

I smirked a little, stepping close to him and kissing his chek. He blushed a bit, turning his head away as if he was trying to hide behind the blonde in his bangs. I took his hand, pulling him towards his car. He giggled quietly, still blushing, and complained about me dragging him around before we leapt inside.

“I wanted to say that you look really good today,” Jack told me as he drove.

“Are you suggesting that you find me attractive, Mr. Barakat?” He fidgeted with the steering wheel – I’d try holding his hand once during school that day – he played it off as if I was trying to be funny in front of his friends. He wasn’t completely comfortable with accepting it, and it was obvious. I didn’t really mind, but I really wanted to hear it. “Well… since I met you, I can tell you that I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off of you.”

“I’m not much to look at,” He frowned. “I mean, I’m not special. If I can’t…”

“I can wait for you,” I said softly. “I know you’re uncomfortable with the idea of being with me, but if you want to be… I’ll wait for you.”

He continued to watch the road, but he took my hand as he drove, squeezing it tightly. “I do want this. I’m sorry, Alex.”

“Don’t make me wait forever, though.”

Jack parked outside of a house with booming music practically oozing out of the crevices as it shook. He let go of my hand and heaved out of his car, careful not to hit the one next to him. He opened the door for me, squinting as he searched Zack’s yard for signs of life. When he found no one was there, he leaned in to kiss me softly. “I won’t make you wait too long. I promise.”

I grinned at him stupidly, then closed the door as I escaped. Jack and I raced happily toward the front door, he reached it first and opened it for me. As soon as I walked inside, I was hit with the strong scent of pungent smoke, sweat, and uncertainty. I gagged slightly until Jack giggled and smacked my back, giving me a sympathetic look.

“Ground rules,” He started. “Don’t drink too much for one. Don’t sleep with… No, don’t even dance with anyone with a piercing that’s not on their face. If you have to throw up, don’t puke in the plants. Trust me, Zack’s mom doesn’t enjoy coming home to that.” He leaned in as close as possible to whisper in my ear, “And if you want to kiss me, don’t smoke anything. It’s gross.” Jack pulled away and shrugged. “When you want to leave, I’ll be over there, shaking my lanky ass.”

I looked over to where he nodded toward – an empty space in the floor where people were… well, I guess that could be classified as dancing, a guy with a cheap-looking turntable in front of them, a small strobe light perched on top of it and flashing into the crowd.

Jack hugged me, whispering “get ‘em, tiger,” then raced into the crowd, disappearing into a group of excited, hormone-stricken teenagers. I fidgeted with my shirt slightly, searching for someone I knew. I found Rian playing beer pong not too far away, then spotted Zack’s hair as he smoked from a large red hookah with a few really, [i[really good-looking girls. I strolled over to him, a bit reluctant, but I was met with a smile.

“Alex! Here, try this” Zack beamed, handing me the …pipe? Connected to the large glass bong-thing. Jack said specifically that he didn’t want me to, so I shook my head.

“Nah, it’s not for me. I just wanted to say hi,” I grinned awkwardly, then began to step away. He handed it to the girl next to him, shrugging. He then sprinted over to catch up with me.

“Have you ever been to anything like this before?” He yelled over the music.

“Nope, this is my first party,” I roared back softly.

Zack beconed toward the keg that was standing proudly in the middle of a table covered in colorful bottles and surrounded by slightly familiar faces, then got me a glass, shoving the Dixie cup under my nose. “Come on, bro!”

I grimaced at the mell, but took the cup from his hands and swallowed the contents down. As soon as it was gone, I felt a warming sensation flow into my stomach and slightly stick in my throat, and I shivered slightly. Not disgusting as I thought.

Zack laughed at me, slapping my back. “Just enjoy yourself.”

I noddd, waing at him as he marched back into the green apple-flavored cloud of smoke. I sighed to myself, getting another cup and downing what was in it. I stared into the empty glass for a moment, then decided to walk over to the keg to refill it.

“Lexy! Hey!” I heard a shrill, girly voice call from behind me. I spun around to look Rae in the… eyes. Her body was covered in a thin layer of sweat, her shirt disappeared. Her bra was about ready to pop from pressure, and her eyes were glazed over – she’d been drinking. Or something. Her jeans rode low to her hips, exposing one of the straps of her g-string. Rae placed one hand on her hip and tipped the bottle filled with a neon blue liquid in her hand back as she drank the rest, tossing it aside. “You look really hot… you should come dance with me.”

I stared at her half-exposed breasts for a moment, then looked up to her face, shrugging. She grasped my arm as soon as I gave her the okay, pulling me over to the dancefloor.

“I love this song!” Rae cheered as we reached it, instantly wrapping her arms around me and began to grind against one of my legs. I perked an ear – not because of the volume, mind you – but I was trying to figure out what the song was. I didn’t know it and all I knew is that whoever was singing it was using more autotune than I was accustomed to. I place my hands loosely on her waist, just above her hips.

“You never texted me,” Rae pouted, still rubbing up against me in time with the overly-loud bass.

“Sorry, I completely forgot,” I said, completely honest.

“How do you expect to get any more than a dance without any effort?” She giggled, licking her lip and looking up at me under batting eyelashes.

I looked down at her body – god damn, maybe it would be…

Oh look, a belly button piercing. Jack was probably specifically…

The fuck am I thinking?

“I’d uh… rather not. Well. At least not now,” I nodded over at the table of alcohol.

“Right,” She shrugged. “But it doesn’t mean –”

“Rae, is this Alex?” I had to do a double-take at the girl that appeared next to us, my buzzed brain wasn’t expecting a second Rae. She had a shorter haircut and was actually wearing a shirt – but everthing else was practically the exact same. “He’s really cute.”

“Yeah,” She giggled playfully, putting her arms around me tighter. “Alex, this is Jasey.”

I gave the twin a polite smile, trying to stop my eyes from wandering downward.

“Mind if I join?” Jasey asked, shooting me a suggestive smile.

“No, in fact, I’d rather you did,” My mind was cloudy, and my hormones were starting to fog all other thoughts. When Jasey began to rub against me at the same rhythm as Rae, we laughed and joked playfully. I watched my hands – not quite controlled by me – snake around the girls’ body, slowly bringing them closer and closer to me.

I was sure Jasey and Ra were planning on planting their lips on my neck as they got as close to my body as I would allow them, and I readied myself for the thrill until I was plucked away from their grasp in a quick yank. The twins both stuck their hands on their hips, and I spun around in a slight rage until I found it was Jack, his nostrils flaring. “Enjoying yourself, Alex?” He huffed loudly.

“You told me to,” I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He gasped in surprise, patting my back slowly.

“Don’t tell me you’re a lightweight.”

“I don’t know!”

“You’re a pain,” He yelled, pulling me away from the floor. “I’m getting you out of here.”

“We’ve only been here for like an hour,” I whined.

“I know,” He growled, taking my hand and pulling me toward the door.

“woah, woah,” Zack, who had apparently lost his shirt like Rae, held his hands up to hit Jack’s chest softly. “It can’t be a party until I see you trying to do the Thriller.”

Jack sighed. “I’m just not up to it today, okay?”

“Alright,” Zack shrugged. “I’ll see you later then, I guess.”

I waved at him with a toothy grin, then was pulled out into the cold air.

“Did I make you mad, Jack? We were only dancing, and –”

Jack pushed me up against his car’s passenger door, forcibly pressing his lips against mine. My eyes stayed open, and for a moment I stood rigid and confused. My body allowed me to react soon after, my eyes fluttering shut and as my lips moved against his.

“You taste like beer,” He grunted as he pulled away from me. I instinctively tried yanking him back to continue, my lips now freezing, but he stepped away. “You’re not drunk, though. That’s nice. Just don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I asked innocently as he walked around his car to get into his seet. I shivered, then followed him inside.

“I get the twins are sexy and all, ut did you have to let them get all up on you when I was standing right there?”

“I didn’t know you’d get jealous,” I chuckled. “Won’t happen again. I just… you know. I couldn’t dance with you like that, so why not?”

“What do you mean?” He asked as he started driving.

“Well, if I can’t hold your hand in front of people, I figured you’d be uncomfortable with me being against you like that.”

He shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”

I placed my hand on his thigh, squeezing tightly. “I would rather it being you instead of them.”

He smirked, not taking his eyes off of the road. “You know why I wanted you to come over to my place so badly tonight?” I said no, then watched as his cheeks practically radiate with a dark pink. “Long story short, I’ve got the house to myself… we’ve got it to ourselves. Just in case you… you know…”

“Why don’t you just come right out and say what you want?”

“I wanted you over tonight, and I wanted to leave early tonight because…”

“…because, Jack…?”

Jack stopped in his driveway, parked, and removed his seat belt, lunging awkwardly at me across his car’s armrest, pulling my face into his. I gasped against his lips, then brought my hands up to lose my fingers in his brown-and-blonde hair. He bit my lower lips softly and dug his nails slightly into my scalp. He pulled away, catching his breath and smirked at me again. “Because I think I’m already addicted to kissing you.”

I smiled at him, releasing myself from the belt, then reached behind myself for the bag I’d packed. Jack exited his car, racing for his front door and was fumbling clumsily with his keys by the time I’d walked up to him, then he opened the door for me with an exaggerated bow.