Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic.

Once I made it home I fell onto my bed everything replaying in my head like a horror movie. I wasn't the type to do this. To dewell on a girl. It was ridiculous and if I was going to love her and she was going to do this then she didn't deserve the pleasure of me being like this.

If that made sense...

I forced my self off the bed and grabbed my phone dialing Lee's number quickly.

"Ello?"

"Look, I'm comin' ova. Let's go out tonight." I said and he groaned, "is this an emotional lets get drunk and hate on Macy night? I can't deal."

"Shut up yeh bloke. I'll be there in a few."

I arrived at Lee's about 10 minutes later and didn't bother to knock as I walked in.

"I need ta smoke."

"Yeh need ta chill. This an upset gesture."

"Mate, this is not. I did this before her so what's so wrong?"

He sighed, "this is bound ta end bad."

"Shut up." I mumbled falling onto the couch as Matt and Oli walked in.

"Why yeh smokin' mate?" Matt asked.

"My bird broke up wif meh. I'd ratha not talk bout it." I mumbled.

"What?!"

"Yeah. In fact, fanks a lot Oli for that. Why tha fuck would yeh tell her I was breakin' up wif her?!" I said sitting up quickly.

"That's what it sounded like mate and she's meh cousin. I'm gonna tell her."

"Well, maybeh yeh should've asked meh before yeh did so. But whateva. I don't care anymore."

"Dude, I didn't know she was gonna break up wif yeh."

"Whateva. I don't care."

"Clearly yeh do."

I shrugged and leaned against the couch closing my eyes as I felt myself relax from smoking.

"So what yeh gonna do?" Oli asked and I opened my eyes, "let her go."

"But yeh love her."

"Exactly..." I mumbled.

"Makes no sense..."

"It does mate. I'm done talkin' bout it." I grumbled.

I was done thinking and talking about it. Of course it was easier said then done. The emptiness never subsided and I couldn't help but wallow in pity when I was alone. Whether I wanted it to be this way or not I couldn't stop loving her. That was inedible.

From what I heard she threw herself into a boring routine after that. Which included her rarely leaving the house or hanging out with Katie. Of course Tom thought I was insane, but it didn't seem to bother me. She avoided me like the plague and I tried my hardest to find any way to see her. Maybe I was in fact going insane. I wasn't sure.

All I knew is days seemed slower and I had to smoke everyday simply to feel nothing. It was becoming very routine and I was simply living just to live at this point.

That was until Tom showed up at my apartment not bothering to knock.

"Mate come on. Get dressed."

"Why?" I asked boringly.

"Cause Macy is leavin' today. And regardless of what yeh say I know yeh wanna see her."

"Been fine for these few months..." I grumbled.

"Just say bye mate. Least yeh will have some closure."

"Closure? For what?! The only way I'll have closure is if she is wif meh."

He rolled his eyes and threw me a shirt, "but that isn't gonna happen."

I sighed and slid my shirt on. The thought of seeing her did send my heart into a frenzy although, it had been weeks since I've seen her.

"Fine." I grumbled as I slid my shoes on and we headed to the door. I didn't know if this would do more harm than good but at this point what did I have to lose?

I nervously tappd my foot as I sat with the guys at the airport waiting for her to arrive with Oli. The longer I sat here the longer this seemed like a horrible idea. What was I thinking? This was going to make everything so much worse.

Once she walked in my eyes never left her. I watched her go through all the guys saying her goodbye before she made eye contact with me and I froze as she stepped to me. She just stared at me clearly waiting for me to speak first not knowing my heart was nearly breaking at her being this close. I finally breathed in and chose my words carefully.

"I'm not gonna bring up anyfing. I juss wanna tell yeh I love yeh and I honestly hope California is everyfing yeh want it ta be and yeh get everyfing yeh want. Yeh deserve it Macy and don't let anyone there tell yeh differently." I said softly.

She nodded and her eyes began to water causing my chest to start aching. I gave her a fake grin and brought my hand to her cheek, "Yeh an incredible bird Macy. I mean that."

She then began to cry and I forced myself to pull her in to me and wrap my arms around her.

"It's propa ok love. Yeh gonna have a wonderful time."

Her eyes met mine and I tried not to show the agony I felt.

"What if I don't?" She whispered.

I cupped her face and pressed my lips to hers, "yeh gonna make new friends, get good grades...fall in love...and live happily eva afta." I said finding my throat close up as I finished the sentence.

Her flight was then called and I stared at her brushing my fingers over her soft skin, simply to take it all in.

"Go. Yeh gonna be late." I finally forced out.

"I love you." She said grasping my hand tightly.

I pressed my lips to her hand firmly as I felt myself tearing up, "I love yeh too. Always."

She nodded and I dropped her hand unwillingly.

She turned to Tom who told her to call him when she landed. I on the other hand couldn't even move. I just watched her until she was out of my sight.

I breathed heavily forcing myself to blink repeatedly just so I wouldn't cry like a bird. I cared too much.

"Gonna be ok mate." Lee said patting my shoulder and I shook my head, "it's...it's whateva."

If only that was the truth.