Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic.

Once 6 hit I quickly grew nervous.

"I can't do this." I said to Leslie as we went to the car.

"It'll be ok. I'll be there, Tom will be there, it'll be fine..." she said trying to make me feel better. It wasn't working.

Once we pulled up at the venue I was almost to the point of hyperventilation.

"I can't get out." I said clinching the handle on the door.

"Macy...Tom is waiting for us. Look, we will see the show and leave. We don- have to stick around."

I nodded and slowly got out. She linked her arm with mine as we crossed the street, "but you look fab which means if he does see you he's gonna be like damnnn."

I laughed as we reached the side door right as Tom walked out. She always could make a situation better.

"Uh Mac, yeh ok?" He asked slipping a backstage pass thing over my neck.

"No." I mumbled.

"Look, Matty, well he's, he's not your Matty anymore. I mean he's not the Matt yeh knew. So, I don't know what yeh expectin'..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's old Matt. I dunno..." he said shrugging as he said hello to Leslie and handing her the necklace.

I sighed and he grabbed my hand pulling me into the venue.

"Macyyyy." I heard as we reached a room and I laughed as Jona jumped up and ran over to me.

"Jona."

He picked me up hugging me tightly, "I missed yeh lil bird."

"I missed you too." I said honestly, closing my eyes taking in his familiar smell.

"Ok, I'm suppose ta be settin' up but I had ta see yeh."

I smiled, "well thanks for that."

He kissed my forehead before running off and I sighed.

"Well, he is pretty cute as well..." Leslie said with a smirk.

I laughed and pulled her from the room and to where Tom was standing near the stage.

"I know you don't want me to say this, but I want to see what Mr. Nicholls looks like in person."

I laughed, "well the show is about to start so it won't be hard to do so."

"What does he play?"

"Drums." I said crossing my arms as I grew nervous because I could hear him randomly banging on his drums as the show grew closer to starting.

"Chill out." Tom said coming over to me, "if you bite your lip any harder it's going to bleed."

"Shut up." I grumbled.

"Shows about to start. Gonna stand here or go stand in the crowd?" He asked.

"Crowd." I said quickly figuring he'd see me here before there.

"Figured. Well go now before everyone gets here."

I sighed and grabbed Leslie as we headed to the floor as they opened the doors for the fans. I leaned against the barrior right in front of the stage and Leslie spoke, "we don't have to stay you know?"

"No seriously it's fine. Lee will be right here." I said pointing to the right and she laughed, "oh great."

"Yep." I said chuckling.

Once the curtain came up I sighed as I grasped the bar tightly. Of course my eyes went straight to Matty. I couldn't help it.

"Macy, that's Matty?! Pictures do not do him justice." She said into my ear and I rolled my eyes as Oli spotted me and gave me a wink.

I focused on the show and ended up having a pretty good time wih Leslie. That was until it was over and I realized I didn't know how I'd avoid him.

"Lets meet Lee." I said as I pulled her backstage. Better to get it over with now.

"Ok!" She said too happily as I looked around for the short kid.

"Mac!" I heard and turned to see Matt K.

"Matt."

He smiled and hugged me from the side, "didn't want ta get yeh sweaty."

"Oh thanks."

"Good ta see yeh lil bird. Reallah."

I smiled, "good to see you too."

"Gonna be here a bit? I'm gonna go change and I wanna see yeh."

"Uh yeah. Possibly."

He chuckled, "Ok. Be back." He said before running off.

I sighed hoping that wouldn't be true and looked over at Leslie, "lets fine Lee and go."

She nodded not objecting and I pulled her down the hall looking for anyone really.

"Dude, where is my bloody shirt!" We heard as we turned the corner and I froze causing Leslie to run into the back of me.

Her light squeal caused the boy to look over at me and once his eyes landed on mine he dropped the beer he held in his hand.

I have to say up close he looked a bit more scruffy than I remembered, but his eyes were what I couldn't get past.

"Macy?" He finally said his eyes narrowing at me.

"Um...hi?"

He stifled a laugh and bent down picking up the can of beer that thankfully wasn't opened when he dropped it.

I just watched him and he sighed, "I reallah don't fuckin' need this right now." He mumbled as he turned and quickly walked away.

Leslie gave me a confused look, "I uh, thought you two ended ok?"

"So did I..."

"Reallah Mac?" I heard and spun around to see Tom.

"Come on. Yeah maybeh yeh did end good, but if yeh did why did yeh neva once talk ta him? Email him? Text? Yeah yeh could see how that wouldnt be good for him." He added.

"But..."

"But what Mac? Yeh didn't once fink how this would effect him? Yeh wanna know tha daily routine of Matt Nicholls? He wakes up, smokes, plays a show, drinks, Repeat."

I crossed my arms uncomfortably, since when was he for Matty?

He sighed, "look, I just fink yeh should talk to him, maybeh not for yehself, but for us and him."

I nodded and he looked at Leslie, "come on. I'l take yeh ta meet everyone while she finds Matty."

"Tom no..."

He gave me a glare and I knew I couldn't say no. I sighed and stomped off in the direction Matty went.

"Why the fuck is she here Oliver! Yeh didn't tell meh she was comin'!" I heard Matt roar at I assume Oli. I leaned against the wall to hear the conversation.

"We're in California! Of course we were gonna see her!"

"Well yeh can juss yeh shouldn't have brought her here!"

"Chill out mate..."

"No! Bloody hell Oli! Maybeh yeh don't know what it feels like, but I did not want ta see her eva again!"

"Oh why?! Because yeh have ta feel somefin instead of bein high or drunk all tha time?!"

"Sod off!" Matty yelled and I closed my eyes as I leaned against the wall. I'd never heard Matt be this angry.

I sighed and bravely stepped into the room.

"Oli, let me talk to him." I said causing both of them to look over.

"Fuck yeh Macy. No." Matt said and Oli shot him a look, "watch what yeh fuckin' say." He said shoving Matt before he walked out of the room.

"Matt, what the hell happened?" I asked crossing my arms.

"What do yeh mean? Nuffin happened. Forgive meh if I'm not happy ta bloody see yeh."

"I thought we left ok?"

"Yeah we did Macy. I just didn't fink that meant yeh'd completely forget bout meh."

"I had to." I whispered.

"Yeh didn't have ta do shit." He spat out.

I crossed my arms uncomfortably and he sighed, "whateva. Juss don't pretend ta fuckin' care. Don't worry love, yeh won't have ta pretend afta tomorrow even though yeh clearly are good at it now." He said brushing past me.

I breathed in trying not to cry which was what I felt like doing.

"Yeh ok lil bird?" I heard and turned around to see Jona with a concerned look on his face.

I nodded as tears fell from my eyes. He sighed and hugged me to him.

"He's just hurt Macy. He still loves yeh. He can't help it."

"Well he acts like I don't..."

"Do yeh still love him?"

"Of course. It's just easier to move on then be miserable."

"Oh is that why you've went on so many dates since you've moved?" I heard Katie say.

"Everyone needs to stop just popping up!" I said causing Jona to chuckle.

"Macy. Yeh love him still no matta what yeh pretend. Juss tell him. I fink he finks yeh juss don't care anymore."

"Why does it matter? I won't see him after tomorrow."

"Yes yeh will. When yeh come home for holiday yeh gonna run inta him."

I sighed and he rubbed my back, "go."

"You heard him he doesn't want to talk to me."

"Make him."

I sighed and he pushed me past Katie into the hall.

I groaned and went on yet another search for Matty. I was such a pushover.

"Where's Matty?" I asked Oli as I passed him.

"Fink he went outside. Good luck. Oh, give this to him." He said handing me his shirt.

I nodded as I quickly walked outside the smell of his shirt making me insane.

I looked around and saw him leaned against the building smoking.

I breathed in deeply as I headed over to him, "you want this? It's kind of chilly." I said and his eyes shot open.

"Fanks." He grumbled taking the shirt from me.

I nodded and he threw the cigarette to the ground.

"We done?" He asked and I sighed, "No."

"Course not. What yeh wanna say Macy? Say yeh sorrah so yeh can say yeh tried and yeh won't feel so bad? Well go a fuckin' ahead love." He said pulling on his shirt.

"What happened to you?"

"Oh please don't give me a fuckin' lecture on who I am Macy."

"I don't know who you are Matt so that would be impossible."

"Yeh right. Yeh don't."

"I did."

He laughed, "No yeh didn't. Who I was wif yeh, well, I don't know, wasn't reallah meh. I don't know who it was. This is meh..."

"I don't believe that."

"Well, good fing I don't care." He said pushing off from the wall and I pushed him back quickly. He seemed a bit taken off guard at my action and he didn't attempt to move again.

"Yes you do. You care because you love me and I love you." I said bravely.

"I'm reallah sick of yeh sayin' that Macy! If yeh fuckin' loved meh this would not be happenin'! Juss go back ta yeh new life and leave meh 'lone." He grumbled pushing past me and walking to their bus. I sighed and leaned against the wall. This was just impossible. I tried to calm myself because I a wave of emotion was now filling my chest. I guess seeing him for the first time in forever just really got to me and the way he acted didn't help any.