Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic.

I couldn't get in the bus fast enough after seeing Macy.

I was now completely sober from the encounter and could still smell her perfume on my shirt.

I fumbled to pull it off and once I did so I threw it to the floor. I breathed in closing my eyes trying to rid my mind of her words.

Of course just like the many times before, I was unable to do so.

I hated the effect she had on me. I mean, she was just a stupid girl!

A stupid, beautiful, amazing girl...

I shook my head as I brought my hands into my hair.

I was definitely ready to get out of California.

"Mate yeh ok?" I heard and spun around to see Jona.

"No. I juss wanna go." I grumbled.

"I assume yeh talked ta Macy."

"Talked is a nice way ta put it. More like..."

"Yeh yelled?" He said cutting me off.

I sighed, "Jona how was I suppose to react?! I haven't seen tha bird in months and bam outta tha blue she shows up! Was I suppose a be like oh hey Macy! How yeh been?! I've been bloody brill!" I said loudly.

He sighed, "No, I wouldn't expect that, but yeh didn't have ta yell at her eitha."

I ran my hand own my cheek, "I know, ok? I know. I just, it just, took me off guard."

"Look, yeh don't have ta be nice or whateva, but yeh should apologize cause I know yeh and I know how much yeh love her and it'll eat yeh up inside if yeh don't."

I fell into a chair, placing my face into my hands.

"Fuck. I juss hate how she has this powa ova meh..."

"I believe that's what love feels like."

"Fuck that shit. I wish I neva met her."

"Yeh don't mean that. I've neva seen yeh as happy."

"I feel like she's messed wif meh head. It's like I don't know who I am anymore." I mumbled.

"She told meh she loves yeh."

"She told meh too..."

"And yeh still yelled at her?"

"I know she loves meh Jona. I know that. It's tha fact that she loves meh and juss forgot bout meh. Like I meant nuffin ta her!"

He sighed, "Matty, come on. Yeh know she was tryin' ta do what was right."

"I can't find any right in any of it!" I said looking over at him as someone began climbing onto the bus.

"Come on. We're gonna go eat cross tha street." Tom stated.

"Nah, I'm stayin' here." I said before standing up.

"Oh come on mate. It's one bloody night."

"Tomorrow night too." I added.

"Oh come off it Matt!"

"Leave meh 'lone. Goin' ta bed." I grumbled as I went to my bunk.

"Yeh need ta apologize and put a bloody shirt on!" Jona yelled.

I grumbled a few curse words under my breath as I put on a fresh shirt. He was right. I'd feel horrible if I didn't.

"Fin. I will then I'm findin' tha nearest pub for tha biggest drink eva." I said following behind them.

"Be my guest." Jona mumbled and although we hadn't even reached the place I was growing nervous. I adjusted the beanie on my head that I had grabbed as we left and followed behind them slowly.

Once we walked in it didn't take long to find everyone else. Of course, Macy's eyes instantly found me and she looked away quickly.

I sighed knowing that I had hurt her. Which, although she possibly deserved it, I never wanted to do.

"Macy." I said sitting across from her. She looked over at me and the table grew quiet. She was nervous. I could tell by the way she was fiddling with her hands on her lap.

"Come outside wif meh for a moment." I said calmly and she shook her head no.

"Mac, reallah?"

"I really don't want to talk to you."

I stood up, "Yeah? Well guess what Macy? I don't fuckin' care. Yeh goin' to."

I grabbed her up from her chair causing her to squeal as I threw her over my shoulder. Having this sort of contact with her sent my body into over drive though. I was more aware of everything it seemed like.

"Matty let me down! I'm going to kill you!" She yelled as I walked outside.

I quickly placed her on her feet and she huffed as she brushed her hair from her face.

"Yeh gonna listen ta meh." I said sternly.

She crossed her arms angrily and I sighed, "I'm sorrah. I didn't mean ta yell at yeh earlia. I juss, was taken off guard by yeh bein' here."

She shrugged and I just stared at her a bit taken aback by her beauty. I knew it had only been 6 months but that meant nothing. I desperately found myself wanting to run my hand through her soft hair and kiss her lips I still had dreams about.

"Yeh know Macy yeh deserved it." I said finally and her eyes narrowed at me.

"How can yeh stand here and fink yeh did nuffin wrong?"

"I never said that! But what can I say besides sorry?!"

"I guess nuffin! Juss, lets keep it this way ok?! Yeh sorrah. Great. Don't try and talk ta meh 'gain Macy. I mean, I can't take this shit and I'm sure yeh don't need yeh yank boyfriend ta fink anyfing of it." I said my words growing harsh because I could feel the anger starting to boil inside me.

"I don't have a boyfriend!" She defended and I shrugged, "None of my business sweetheart. Who am I to care?"

Even in the dark of the night I could tell her eyes were beginning to water.

"But let me point out how fucked up I fink it is that Leslie knows Lee doesn't live here and she's still trying to get with him. If I wasn't what yeh wanted Macy, yeh could've juss fuckin' told meh." I spat out and she crossed her arms protectively as tears fell from her usually bright blue eyes.

I was always the one who defended her and although I was surprised that she raised her voice, I knew she wasn't the type to do so and that made me feel even worse.

"Fine. You want me to hate you Matt? Well, you succeeded." She said softly with a look on her face I hadn't seen since those kids messed with her last year.

She quickly turned around and headed in the opposite direction of the diner and I hung my head. If my thoughts weren't so jumbled up I might have went after her.

I was unsure how long I stood there but eventually the silence was broken by Oli.

"Where's Macy?"

"She left. Go figure. She's good at that." I grumbled.

"Yeh let her leave 'lone?!"

"She wouldn't bloody listen ta meh! What did yeh want meh ta do? How is everyfing always my fault when it comes ta her?!"

He sighed and ran his hand into his hair, "I'll go find her."

I managed to nod and as Oli walked away I sat on the curb. Why could nothing ever be easy when it invovled her? Why couldn't she just let me love her, be with me, and just let everything fall into place?

I guess that's why I love her so much though. She was never what I expected.

The one person hunt for Macy turned into everyone looking fo her, quickly after Oli returned saying he couldn't find her.

Of course once Leslie realized her car was gone it wasn't hard to grasp what took place.

"Look, I can't go back wifout knowin' she's ok." Tom stated and Leslie pointed out that we were only a block away from their apartment anyways.

We walked the short distance and Leslie groaned, "My car isn't here."

"Maybeh she juss needed ta drive around for a while." Lee offered an excuse and I instantly regretted what had happened more than ever. An unsettled feeling now rested in the pit of my stomach and the only thing that would make it feel better is knowing she was ok.

"Where the fuck is she?" I said a bit worried now. Over worry is what I did when it came to her.

"Her cell phones off." Oli mumbled placing his back into his pocket.

I began to pace, "oh my god this is all my fault."

"Oh come off it mate. No it's not." Matt said patting my shoulder trying to make it better.

"Yeah hels right. So you got in a fight? So what. People do that." Katie added.

"Juss bloody find her."

"I mean, we should just wait here. I'm sure she'll be back soon." Leslie said and Tom looked as nervous as I did but nodded agreeng. It's not like we had that much of a choice since we didn't have a car.

Once inside Leslie and Macy's apartment I couldn't sit still. I began frantically pacing the floor as everyone sat around in silence.

"Matt sit down yeh makin' meh nervous." Jona stated.

"I don't bloody care...where could she bloody be?!" I said loudly, clearly frustrated now.

"I don't know. I texted a few people. They said they haven't seen her." Leslie chimed in.

I groaned and tugged on my beanie as I beat myself up over this occurring. This was my fault. She should be here not me. I should have stayed on the bus. Stayed away from her. Then she wouldn't be crying or sad or feel the need to leave because I was near.

"Just, somefin isn't right ok? I juss know. I can feel it." I finally said and they all looked over at me. Tom's face was enough for me to know that he agreed.

"I'm goin ta find my bird." I said not giving anyone time to protest as I headed out the door.

I was going to find her and bring her back whether it was with her kicking and screaming I didn't care. I just had to know she was ok and safe. That was the only thing that mattered to me right now.

I walked aimlessly for what seemed like forever. I didn't really know what I was looking for. I didn't even know what Leslie's car looked like, but I sure as hell was going to feel worse if I stayed inside doing nothing.