My Hayley

I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes, allowing this new happiness to wash over me completely. My hands wandered over my body, feeling the places she had just felt, making sure I hadn’t melted under her touch. It was… bliss.

What have I gotten myself into? My girlfriend? Am I even sure I like girls? It felt amazing to be close to her that way. And I thought of her constantly. No, I’m not the type to fall in love! I’m too restless, too careless. Love would only tie me down. Why the hell did I say yes? I needed time to think.

My phone buzzed on the table, and a message flashed across the screen. One New Text. It was from Zack….

Wanna go out this weekend?

My face turned red, and I quickly typed a yes. Oh shit, I can’t do that. I replaced the “yes” with a “maybe”. No, I shouldn’t say that either…. But I wanted to! I liked him, not as much as I liked Michelle, but feelings were definitely there.

No, I couldn’t go with him. It would crush her. I typed “no thanks I kinda have someone right now, but we can chill as friends” and hesitantly sent it to him. His reply was quick.

Okay sounds good.

I sighed, half with relief and half with disappointment. Love really is terribly confusing.

However, I couldn’t hurt her again, because I knew she could hurt me just as badly. I was getting in over my head. If I was hers, I was vulnerable.

That night I fell asleep and dreamt of her. I woke up Saturday and thought about her for hours. Even Sunday was occupied by her memory. By Monday I was so eager to see her again, I didn’t mind getting up early and going to school.

Zack followed me to class and tried to flirt the way we had before, and though I wanted to reciprocate those feelings I couldn’t. It was driving me bananas. Michelle kept smiling awkwardly at me, afraid to talk to me and hoping I would talk to her – I could see it in her eyes. She had that lost, powerless look built into her features. I was torn between her and Zack, how could I tell her that without hurting her?

While I pondered this, Zack came up and hugged me from behind, lifting me up and making me burst into giggles. When he set me down, I looked over at Michelle again. She smiled weakly at us and I saw that helplessness intensify in her aching brown eyes. I felt a pang of guilt and sat down in my seat, sighing. I needed a little space.

My head spun when I looked at them. Zack…. Michelle…. Zack…. Michelle….

I liked Zack, but deep down, I knew I loved Michelle. It was just too overwhelming. I put my head down and dozed off, finally getting some peace of mind.