My Hayley
Epiphany.
For the next two weeks I had been avoiding them both as much as possible. Every move I made seemed wrong and out of place. A part of me was getting sick of Zack hovering over me every second. Michelle kept her distance, but I could tell she was aching. I wanted her, but….
She’s a girl.
My inner voices were battling.
Yes, she’s a girl. Why does that matter? Oh, go for Zack! It’s easy! No, Hayley, you love her! You know it’s true, stop lying to yourself! Zack, he’s so sweet, he’s trying so hard!
Shut. Up. Now.
The voices settled into whispers, and I sat on my bed wearily. My head was too jumbled to make sense, so I looked to my heart.
Picture Zack with you, hands around your waist, kissing you…… I felt butterflies. It was nice, but somehow empty.
Picture Michelle with you, hands around your waist……. The butterflies got stronger….. Kissing you….. My heartbeat was rapid. I felt full, as if my heart would burst. It was a need for her, and I knew what it meant. It was time to stop denying it.
Michelle was the one I wanted.
Zack would just blur into the background when I was with her, and I couldn’t believe I had failed to notice.
It seemed so clear in that moment, as if I had been foolish to doubt it. She could be mine, and I could be hers. My heart was skipping in my chest. She could be mine.
People would say awful things if they knew I liked her…. I was afraid of that ever since I laid eyes on her. But I had changed since then, I was different. I didn’t care anymore. It didn’t feel like a secret anymore, it felt like the best thing that could have happened.
My phone lay patiently in my hand as I contemplated calling her, yet my fingers refused to push the button. It was dangerous, wasn’t it? Like a bomb ready to go off, a chain reaction about to begin, and I was the catalyst.
My heart was wild. What better time than now? Tell her how you really feel! For once the voices were right.
“Hello?”
“Um, hi, it’s Hayley….”
“Oh, hi.”
“Can you come over for a little while? I want to tell you something.”
A pause. It felt like forever before someone spoke again. Why did she stop talking?
“Um, Michelle? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. I’ll be over soon. Bye.”
I started to say I loved her, but I heard the dial tone and stopped.
She’s a girl.
My inner voices were battling.
Yes, she’s a girl. Why does that matter? Oh, go for Zack! It’s easy! No, Hayley, you love her! You know it’s true, stop lying to yourself! Zack, he’s so sweet, he’s trying so hard!
Shut. Up. Now.
The voices settled into whispers, and I sat on my bed wearily. My head was too jumbled to make sense, so I looked to my heart.
Picture Zack with you, hands around your waist, kissing you…… I felt butterflies. It was nice, but somehow empty.
Picture Michelle with you, hands around your waist……. The butterflies got stronger….. Kissing you….. My heartbeat was rapid. I felt full, as if my heart would burst. It was a need for her, and I knew what it meant. It was time to stop denying it.
Michelle was the one I wanted.
Zack would just blur into the background when I was with her, and I couldn’t believe I had failed to notice.
It seemed so clear in that moment, as if I had been foolish to doubt it. She could be mine, and I could be hers. My heart was skipping in my chest. She could be mine.
People would say awful things if they knew I liked her…. I was afraid of that ever since I laid eyes on her. But I had changed since then, I was different. I didn’t care anymore. It didn’t feel like a secret anymore, it felt like the best thing that could have happened.
My phone lay patiently in my hand as I contemplated calling her, yet my fingers refused to push the button. It was dangerous, wasn’t it? Like a bomb ready to go off, a chain reaction about to begin, and I was the catalyst.
My heart was wild. What better time than now? Tell her how you really feel! For once the voices were right.
“Hello?”
“Um, hi, it’s Hayley….”
“Oh, hi.”
“Can you come over for a little while? I want to tell you something.”
A pause. It felt like forever before someone spoke again. Why did she stop talking?
“Um, Michelle? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. I’ll be over soon. Bye.”
I started to say I loved her, but I heard the dial tone and stopped.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry, it's kind of sloppy. I've just been eager to update. The next chapter should be better, I hope.Comments are love.
-M&Ms- [ooh weren't expecting that now, were ya?! ;) ]