The Tangles of My Heart

“I think your hair’s just not used to the color treatment,” my secretary piped up after my about twenty minute rant about how my hair seemed to fall out at such a rapid rate these days. Maybe she was right. I did get red highlights. But I was convinced it was because of my stressful job. “Not that your hair doesn’t look good, I mean, it looks fabulous, the color really suits-“

“Pineapple orange juice, now, please,” I told her curtly, throwing my hair up in a messy bun before taking out the golf course plans again. My little secretary nodded and scurried off. The hotel didn’t want just the golf course…they wanted a fucking water park next to it as well, for families on vacation and the like. I was an architect, not an interior designer, but what-fucking-ever.

I slipped on my glasses and whipped out my lead holder, ruler at the ready as I scrutinized the blue prints once more. I wonder why I got this as a job sometimes. I loved nature, and golf was such a huge fucking waste of land…oh well. “Here’s your pineapple orange juice, Ms. Allegra,” my secretary said as she meekly handed me my glass of juice. After finishing about half, I got back to work.

I hated being called Ms. Allegra, but it made me feel really grown up. Maybe it was a bit unprofessional, but because the name sounded so nice and sophisticated, everyone at work just called me that already. I’d outgrown the name “Taylor.”

I’d outgrown myself once again.

“Looks great, Allegra,” my boss commented as he peered at my designs over my shoulder. “By the way, I want you on site for some work on that golf course you designed a few months ago? It’s your design, so you’ll know if the construction crew is building everything right…”

“Oh, right. When should I be there?”

“Be there in…two hours.”

“Got it,” I sighed softly, returning my attention to my drafting table in an attempt to finish with this blueprint before leaving. Yeah, that didn’t happen, but it’s whatever. I got to the course before the construction crew did, thankfully. In my mind, early is on time and on time is late.

I sat on the hood of my car, rummaging through my purse for my pack of cigarettes. Of course I’d gotten back into those. Without Jack, I could smoke whenever the fuck I wanted to. He wasn’t around to steal my lighter and make me stop. I guess that was a bad thing, but it’s whatever.

That seemed to be my philosophy in life lately – If something went wrong, I didn’t get too upset about it. I kind of just went on with my life after a “but it’s whatever” moment. Nothing in my life had ever upset me more than that whole mess with Jack. And nothing ever would. The repercussions of any mistake I could make right now would ever compare to the pains and regrets of last summer. I planned on it.

My phone rang, and when I saw who it was, I answered the call immediately. “Sid?”

“We’re here at the airport,” my younger brother said excitedly, making me smile.

“I’m doing something for work right now, but I will come pick you guys up as soon as possible, alright?”

“Ok…hey, do you wanna talk to Vince and Anna real quick?”

“Yeah, sure!”

Even over the phone after all these years, I could tell the difference between Vince and Sid. Anna sounded happy and excited to be here. I wonder how her health was. I wanted to see them so badly, but the construction crew came and I had to help them get to work, so I hung up on my siblings. Anna was almost nineteen now, and the twins were almost fifteen. Crazy how time flies.

The twins were the spitting image of our mother somehow. Anna was like a perfect blend of both our parents. I looked more like dad. I worked with the construction crew for about an hour before I could go. I called the office to let them know I was picking up my siblings from the airport before driving straight there. I spotted my siblings right away in baggage claim.

After much hugging and a few tears here and there, we piled into my car and I took them to my house. “Alright, so, Anna, you’re sleeping in the guest room. Sorry boys, but would you mind sleeping in the living room?”

“ Of course not, Tay,” Sid and Vince said in unison before hitting the couch and fighting over the TV remote. Things hadn’t changed one bit.

“Oh my god, your house looks like it came straight off Tumblr,” Anna gushed, pushing her suitcase into a corner of the room and throwing back the curtains. Anna and I sat on the bed in the guest room for a while just talking and catching up. She…didn’t look very well at all, and that terrified me, but I didn’t let her see that. We talked about my job, her school, the twins, our dad… Dad didn’t want to come. Dad didn’t want to see me. And that was fine by me. I had my siblings, which were all I wanted. “Yes, of course everything’s fine…I’m just on certain medications for the disease, that’s all, Tay,” Anna said with a reassuring smile. It didn’t really work, though.

Everything was fine and dandy until we got to talking about boys. Anna made me so sad. It hurt to hear that my gorgeous little sister couldn’t get a guy because of her condition. It’s not like the essential thrombocythemia made her deformed or ugly or anything like that. She was a perfectly normal nineteen year old. It hurt even more to talk about Jack.

Jack was the only guy that I ever had a relationship with in the states, and I really didn’t want to talk about him. I mentioned him briefly, though, only because Anna was so curious. I didn’t even mention Jack’s name. I just told Anna that I didn’t really have any real relationships, just summer or spring flings.

After our nice long heart to heart chat, we went to the kitchen to cook up some dinner. I frowned when we passed my living room, though. “You guys…brought an XBOX with you…?”

“Of course we did,” the boys said in unison again, focused on the TV screen. Anna and I shrugged before returning our attention to our dinner.

It’s so good to be with family again.