All at Once

I held her for a few moments before I found myself thinking about the things that could’ve happened to her. It infuriated me. Does she know what she had put me though? I never wanted to feel that way about her. The terror alone was unbearable. But the anger that had boiled up inside of me and I wasn’t able to contain it.

“You could’ve died!” I snapped. Grabbing her arms. It assured me that she was actually safe here in my truck with me. She whimpered, making it known that I was hurting her. But I found that I couldn’t pull away from her, it was wounding every time she tried to tug away. I found myself tightening my grip every time. “What would I have done if you died!? What could you have possibly been thinking!?”

She shivered and looked at me with those big doe brown eyes. They filled with tears. “I don’t know!” She snapped with as much acid as she could put into it. “You scared me! I wasn’t thinking!”

I didn’t want to scare her, I honestly didn’t know I had. But even now I was still blinded by my anger. I need to go to counseling or something.

“You’re lucky I found you, and lucky that I’m not going to kill you.” I growled. Clearly stretching my mind, how could I ever kill this girl. She is my life, and probably always will be. “I’m taking you to the hospital, you’re going to keep your mouth shut, got it?”

I’m afraid she has hypothermia, or something else that can hurt her. It was obvious that she has frostbite. I can’t loose her because I was stupid enough to let her run.

“O-okay.” She whimpered. Shrinking against the door once more. I felt bad for scaring her again, but she kind of deserved it.

“Just forget it.” I hissed, starting the truck and gunning it. Though I probably should treat it more gently, it is going to be keeping us safe for a while.

I didn’t pay much attention well I was driving. It was to hard to. I just kept sneaking peaks at her, wondering what she was thinking. We didn’t make it far before I heard her start to whisper quietly to me. Probably thinking that I had cooled down, which I haven’t given myself the chance to. But I guess I could hold it in for her.

“W-Won’t they know me?” She whispered. Still hoping that she could have a shred of chance. I wonder how much she misses her shitty life. Though I am quite proud of her for trying.

I didn’t mean to laugh at her though, I received a glair for that one. “You’ve been gone for a year, Emily. They’ve given up. Besides, you’re in Michigan, baby. If they were still looking for you it’d be back in Arizona.”

She winced a little bit. “I’m not your baby.”

This time I did laugh. Out loud and quite evil like. But then again, I didn’t mean to laugh out loud. It only made her more uncomfortable. “Do you even remember Arizona, baby? The warm air, desert. Do you miss it? Do you want to go back? Maybe that’s why you run. You don’t like the winter do you? You’ve never been this cold.” My hand come over to gently stroke her cheek. But she jerked away, making me freeze for a slight second.

“Who wouldn’t miss that.” She growled.

“I like it here.” I smirked. Turning my head to the side a little and glancing at the frost covered trees. “Do you like the forest? Its pretty.” I tucked my hand back on the steering wheel.

“I haven’t been allowed outside.” She sighed. Looking out the window as the trees flew by. I frowned a little bit, thinking about how sad she must be. Have I really put her though that much? I thought I have been quite nice. “Besides, its white, I hate it.

“You said the same thing to Matt about Arizona.” I chuckled a little bit. Trying desperately to lighten the mood. “He told me about you, said the new girl punched out a senior. Said you got roughed up pretty bad. Got me interested in you. Of course he didn’t mean it. I was actually going to take him that night, you shouldn’t meet people on the internet.”

“So what made you take me?” She mumbled. Not looking at me, but I could tell she was dying to.

“You did.” I informed. Remembering how sad she looked. “You were crying, it drew me in. Matt was no longer an interest to me. Hm, snap decision really. Though I expected you to fight back. You never did. You just let yourself rot away, was your life really that bad? Do you remember it? How you just let me take you? It was like you wanted me to. You actually slept in my lap the whole way here.”

She became lost in thought for a moment. Wincing a little bit from her dull memories of that night. She shouldn’t be able to remember much, I had her heavily drugged and she had blocked me out that night.

“So you found the right person then?” She questioned as she turned back to me.

This time I was the one to wince. She would remember the conversation I had with my mother. The one where my mom wished to kill her because she didn’t think that Emily would be good for me.

~Flashback~

“Don’t be scared.” I hummed to Emily as I carried her to the front door. Her head drooped onto my shoulder. The drug filled sleep I had educed on her was working out quite well if I must say. “You’re being such a good girl, Emily.”

The door flew open and I just about jumped out of my skin. Almost dropping Emily, I would’ve regretted that.

My mother stepped into the door way. Her head balding and her eyes tired. “Bring her back home.” She growled at me. But I already knew I couldn’t do that. She was to important to me already.

“No, she’s seen me already. I won’t kill this one. She’s not like the others.” I promised, stepping inside and trying to get past her without causing a commotion. “I swear on your life, Mommy.”

I know for a fact all this women wants is to be loved. To get away from my abusive stepfather, for me to always treat her as if I was three. Undevotional love, I will always give it to her.

“Zane, you know I’m dying. Is this what you are trying to save for yourself. A girl? Baby, there’s never going to be anyone like me, no one can fill my shoes.” She planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

“Just because Dad killed everything doesn’t mean I will. He was just a bad influence. I’ll get over what he did to us. I need someone to talk to wen your gone, Mommy. I just got to find the right person.”

~End of Flashback~

“I just told her that. She was worse then me, Emily. She wouldn’t have let you go. She would’ve killed you. She tried, I never killed the other girls, she did. Said they weren’t good eough for me. I told you I did it because I was scared you would run. She would’ve killed you. I would’ve lost you. She told me it was my fault. Because I brought them there in the first place. She told me that you were to quiet. That you were planning something. It was last month, you were asleep. I was with the women that escaped. She had hurt herself when trying to get away when I took her. I was trying to help her out when I heard your door break. I’ll admit it, I drugged you that night. Because I was afraid you’d be scared, the women was pitching quite the fit. Well, my mother was planning on stabbing you, I believe. She had a kitchen knife. I didn’t want to kill her. She was my first. I just couldn’t loose you. You are the only person even that has ever been somewhat nice to me. I told you I was going to kill them because I was scared you would run if I left you alone. You would try to save them. I saw it in your . I didn’t want to scare you, but I had no choice. I’m not a murderer, but I’ll admit it, the abusive in my past has brought me to do the same thing. The therapist told me that I was a little bipolar, I’m supposed to be on depression pills, but I can’t afford them. I can barely hold enough money to feed the both of us. I have no clue how I’m going to afford this hospital visit. It was stupid for you to run.”

I could feel the emotions run thought me like a flood. I didn’t like that, it scared me. But I had to suck it up and seem completely at ease for her.

“I know, I’m sorry.”