The Mess I Made

I'm sure you all know what rehab is. Rehab is a place where you go to get help. You may have tried to to help yourself but you just can't do it. You need strangers to help you because everyone that you know has tried and failed. I had no choice to get help and it took me months to even realize that I had a problem. It even took two trips to rehab.

The only thing I cared about during my first trip was getting out of there as fast as possible. I faked my way through everything. During group sessions I would volunteer to talk about what I was feeling and just break down and cry. I would do pretty much the same thing with the individual sessions I would just cry and bring up all the good times I had with Nikki. Nothing I said was true. I never revealed how I was truly feeling. The only reason I even showed up to rehab is because the doctor at the hospital set a ride up for me as soon as I was released.

What an idiot. They all were. It was honestly quite sad how everyone just believed me. They had no idea that I've been acting since I was twelve. I had them so fooled that they released me two weeks early from the program but somehow I landed myself back a second time. They weren't so "stupid" then.

By monitoring my every move they picked up on my little twitches that I did when I lied. When I lied I would look over slightly to the left instead of at the person who was talking to me. I would also gently tap my foot while I was talking. I didn't even realize it until they pointed it out. I've tried to stop doing it but it's nearly impossible. So, I actually started following the program for a change.

It took at least three times as longer as it did the first time because I wouldn't admit that I even had a problem for at least two weeks. After that they couldn't get me to talk about my sister Nikki or all of the friends and family that I lost. I didn't want to face the truth and some days I still don't. I just couldn't bare with the fact that I was an alchoholic by age 18. If you told me that was going to happen like four or five years ago I would have laughed in your face.

It's been a long journey, three years to be exact. I still can't believe that I'm finally sober. I never thought I would ever be okay again but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. I know that everyday is going to be a struggle but I've heard that the urge to drink slowly goes away after time. I'm crossing my fingers.

The only thing that's been on my mind since my release from rehab is reconnecting with my old friends and my family. I know I really messed up. I know that they may never forgive me but I can try right? If I didn't try I would always be wondering about what I could've done and I've spent too many days thinking about it already.

-x-

I adgusted my black sunglasses before entering Starbucks. I didn't want anyone to recognize me but it's not like anyone would. It's been three years since the people from my highschool have even seen me and a lot has changed. My mousy brown hair was now long and black. It reached a little bit longer than my mid back. I started easing up on the makeup and doing it a lot more natural. Oh, and did I mention I lost about twenty pounds? Rehab didn't just help me with my drinking problem it helped me gain myself back.

I sighed and opened the door. I went over to the counter to order a White Chocolate Mocha. I needed something hot and caffeinated to keep me alert just in case someone I didn't like came walking in.

I took a seat at a table with only one chair and pulled out my laptop. It was time to put step one in my plan in winning my friends back. I was going to look them up on facebook. No, it did not take me weeks to figure out to do that first...but it did take at least a few minutes. Don't judge. I didn't have any coffee in me so my brain wasn't functioning.

I decided to type in Cameron Quiseng first since I thought Cameron would be the most forgiving out of everyone. Cameron rarely held grudges and wasn't very judgemental. There was only one person with that name but there was no way that this was the Cameron that I once knew. It's amazing how much you could change in three years. His hair was no longer short and unstyled but instead it was medium length with brown wavy hair. His eyes were green like always but there was a glint in his eyes that I've never seen before. I decided to creep through his profile and with my luck his entire wall was open. There were random girls commenting all over his wall and posting their pictures with him. I had to double check that I had the right Cameron Quiseng but it was him all right.

After looking through the millions of pictures he had with random girls I came across a status that he wrote. It read, "Come see Allstar Weekend live on Saturday in our hometown Poway!" They had a show? This would be perfect!

"Today must be my lucky day." I smiled to myself but my luck soon changed. I saw a girl with short blond hair and green eyes making her way towards me.

"Well well well. Look what we have here." she grabbed a nearby empty seat and sat down at my table, "I know those sunglasses anywhere. The last time I saw you Skyelynn was when you were being wheeled out of that party in an abulence. I can't believe you even dare to show your face around here."

I placed my sunglasses on my head, "I can't believe you haven't been found drugged up in an alley somewhere."

Katherine chuckled, "I'm surprised your eyes aren't red. Did you put eyedrops in before you came over here? Last time I checked you were an achoholic."

"Not anymore."

"Once an alchoholic always an alchoholic."

"Oh would you shut up!" I raised my voice. Everyone in Starbucks turned to look over at us. Katherine just smirked.

"Well, I should get going. Zach's waiting for me outside." My mouth dropped, "I guess I'll see you around."

Not if I had anything to say about it.

It took a few minutes for what she said to sunk in. Zach? Why would Zach be with her? He wouldn't even look twice at her before and it's not like she's changed. She's still that same bitch she's always been. She's just trying to mess with me right? Right!?

I shuddered and tried to forget about that rude encounter. Katherine was not going to get in my way. I was going to get my friends back one way or another and I knew just the way to do it.