Edge of Desire
014
I awoke to silence
I turned to my side and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, 11:15 am, I didn’t get a wake-up call this morning. Jess really didn’t care for me and she made that very known. I decided to get out of bed to take a shower and pack my things. I was sad I’d be going back home alone. My goal was to get Jess to come back with me. I got out of the shower and got dressed and decided before I packed my things, I wanted to visit Central Park. I walked downstairs to greet Jess’ mom.
“How did you sleep Kendall?” She asked.
“Oh, fine. Thank you.”
“There’s still some breakfast leftover, sorry we didn’t wake you. Jess said she wanted to let you sleep in, you guys had a long day yesterday.”
“Yeah, it was pretty long. Thank you, I’ll skip breakfast this morning. I’m going to go take a walk, maybe visit Central Park.”
“Jess just went to the store, I’m sure she’ll be back any minute if you want to wait for her.”
I shook my head, “It’s alright. I think I’ll do this on my own today.”
“Okay, be careful. We’ll see you later today.”
I sat on a bench in Central Park, I was trying to enjoy my last day in New York. I just couldn’t. I was in love with Jess and that was something that would keep me from being happy for a long time.
“Kendall?” I heard
Probably just another fan, I’ve been running into them all day.
She sat next to me and grabbed my hand.
“My Mom told me you’d be here.”
“We don’t have to talk Jess, I’ll be out of your hair tonight. Don’t worry.”
“Walk with me?”
She pulled me up and didn’t let go of my hand, and foolishly I didn’t dare to let her hand go either.
“I’m sorry Kendall.”
“I can’t make you feel anything for me.”
“That’s just it, I do... feel something I mean.”
“Why do you treat me like this then?”
She sighed
“I don’t know, I just really don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.”
“Jess, it just doesn’t make any sense. You were more than willing to date James.”
“Yeah and he did something to remind me why I didn’t want a relationship in the first place.”
I said nothing, I felt like there was nothing I could say to convince her that being with me would be different than James.
“His name was Tyler. He was my first boyfriend ever. We were together for three years.” She said softly.
I swallowed hard, I didn’t expect to hear about her first love
“You loved him?” I asked.
“Very much.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know where I went wrong, or what I did to make him this way. It was wonderful at first. I’d never been happier in my life.”
I squeezed her hand tighter when I noticed she began to tear up
“I’m not proud of this Kendall. I’ve never told anyone about Tyler, except my mom.”
“I’m listening. You can trust me”
“He started drinking excessively, taking out anger on me. He would accuse me of cheating on him, everything, my whole world got turned upside down”
“He hit you?” I whispered
She responded with a nod, I was furious. How could any man take advantage of this beautiful human being?
“And I let him Kendall. I thought it would get better, I loved him so much, I let him control me, I let him abuse me. I didn’t think to leave. He beat me, he raped me. I let him get away with all of it Kendall. It all happened because of me.”
“I thought I was your first?”
“Well, yeah. I like to think of it that way.”
“Jess, you know that isn’t your fault, right? What he did to you… you did nothing to cause that.”
“Thanks Kendall.” She said with a sarcastic laugh, “I’ve tried to think that, I know it isn’t true. I can’t be with you.”
“Why did you tell me all of that?” I asked, as I let her hand go.
She shrugged, “I felt like you needed to know about it.”
“Why? It’s not like we’re going to end up together anyway.” I spat.
“Kendall, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Me? Jess, I’m sorry but you lead me on just to shut me down. I’m done.”
I walked away from her, heading back to her place to collect my belongings and head back home. She followed me the entire way.
“Kendall, can we just talk about this?” She asked as we entered her house.
“No. We’ve already talked. I’m done trying.”
She groaned, “I’m sorry Kendall. Please?”
I gathered all of my bags and headed toward the front door.
“Kendall!”
“What is going on here?” Jess’s mom asked.
“Kendall, if you leave I’m never speaking to you again.” Jess said
I sighed, “Thank you for letting me stay with you guys. I really appreciate it but it’s time for me to go home.”
Honestly, maybe it was better that Jess never talked to me again.
What more could I possibly lose, right?
I turned to my side and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, 11:15 am, I didn’t get a wake-up call this morning. Jess really didn’t care for me and she made that very known. I decided to get out of bed to take a shower and pack my things. I was sad I’d be going back home alone. My goal was to get Jess to come back with me. I got out of the shower and got dressed and decided before I packed my things, I wanted to visit Central Park. I walked downstairs to greet Jess’ mom.
“How did you sleep Kendall?” She asked.
“Oh, fine. Thank you.”
“There’s still some breakfast leftover, sorry we didn’t wake you. Jess said she wanted to let you sleep in, you guys had a long day yesterday.”
“Yeah, it was pretty long. Thank you, I’ll skip breakfast this morning. I’m going to go take a walk, maybe visit Central Park.”
“Jess just went to the store, I’m sure she’ll be back any minute if you want to wait for her.”
I shook my head, “It’s alright. I think I’ll do this on my own today.”
“Okay, be careful. We’ll see you later today.”
I sat on a bench in Central Park, I was trying to enjoy my last day in New York. I just couldn’t. I was in love with Jess and that was something that would keep me from being happy for a long time.
“Kendall?” I heard
Probably just another fan, I’ve been running into them all day.
She sat next to me and grabbed my hand.
“My Mom told me you’d be here.”
“We don’t have to talk Jess, I’ll be out of your hair tonight. Don’t worry.”
“Walk with me?”
She pulled me up and didn’t let go of my hand, and foolishly I didn’t dare to let her hand go either.
“I’m sorry Kendall.”
“I can’t make you feel anything for me.”
“That’s just it, I do... feel something I mean.”
“Why do you treat me like this then?”
She sighed
“I don’t know, I just really don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.”
“Jess, it just doesn’t make any sense. You were more than willing to date James.”
“Yeah and he did something to remind me why I didn’t want a relationship in the first place.”
I said nothing, I felt like there was nothing I could say to convince her that being with me would be different than James.
“His name was Tyler. He was my first boyfriend ever. We were together for three years.” She said softly.
I swallowed hard, I didn’t expect to hear about her first love
“You loved him?” I asked.
“Very much.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know where I went wrong, or what I did to make him this way. It was wonderful at first. I’d never been happier in my life.”
I squeezed her hand tighter when I noticed she began to tear up
“I’m not proud of this Kendall. I’ve never told anyone about Tyler, except my mom.”
“I’m listening. You can trust me”
“He started drinking excessively, taking out anger on me. He would accuse me of cheating on him, everything, my whole world got turned upside down”
“He hit you?” I whispered
She responded with a nod, I was furious. How could any man take advantage of this beautiful human being?
“And I let him Kendall. I thought it would get better, I loved him so much, I let him control me, I let him abuse me. I didn’t think to leave. He beat me, he raped me. I let him get away with all of it Kendall. It all happened because of me.”
“I thought I was your first?”
“Well, yeah. I like to think of it that way.”
“Jess, you know that isn’t your fault, right? What he did to you… you did nothing to cause that.”
“Thanks Kendall.” She said with a sarcastic laugh, “I’ve tried to think that, I know it isn’t true. I can’t be with you.”
“Why did you tell me all of that?” I asked, as I let her hand go.
She shrugged, “I felt like you needed to know about it.”
“Why? It’s not like we’re going to end up together anyway.” I spat.
“Kendall, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Me? Jess, I’m sorry but you lead me on just to shut me down. I’m done.”
I walked away from her, heading back to her place to collect my belongings and head back home. She followed me the entire way.
“Kendall, can we just talk about this?” She asked as we entered her house.
“No. We’ve already talked. I’m done trying.”
She groaned, “I’m sorry Kendall. Please?”
I gathered all of my bags and headed toward the front door.
“Kendall!”
“What is going on here?” Jess’s mom asked.
“Kendall, if you leave I’m never speaking to you again.” Jess said
I sighed, “Thank you for letting me stay with you guys. I really appreciate it but it’s time for me to go home.”
Honestly, maybe it was better that Jess never talked to me again.
What more could I possibly lose, right?
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm baaaack! ;)