Listen To Your Heart

I quickly went to my bus and hid in my bunk, covering my head with a pillow to muffle the sobs that escaped my lips. I cried for a while until the tears brought exhaustion and I fell asleep.
“Jamie! Jamie! Wake up!” I heard being screamed as I felt myself being shaken awake. My eyes shot open at the sound of Pat’s frantic screams.
“What? What’s wrong?” I asked groggily and I slowly sat up.
“It’s John. Quick, get up. I’ll explain as we go.” He said, grabbing my hand and pulling me from my bunk. I gained my balance before he started pulling my out of the bus as he began to explain. “John never came out for the signing, so we were all worried. Afterwards, we went back to the bus and Kenny went to grab a beer, but there wasn’t any. And I mean any. Someone took them all; we knew it was John. We saw that the back door was closed, so we went back there and opened it, and sure enough John was lying on the couch, barely conscience. There were empty bottles and cans everywhere. He drank so much. He wasn’t responding to us and he was turning ghost white and his lips got blue. None of us know what to do but I know how you are really into science and medicine so maybe you can help.” He finished as we came to their bus and he dragged me on. My head was spinning trying to process all the information I had just received. I knew he had drank because of me, and it caused my heart to break even further. I hurried to the back and my racing mind went blank when I caught sight of John. He was on the floor convulsing. On instinct, I ran over and dropped to my knees, taking his head in my hands and keeping it still, letting the rest of his body move freely. I was recalling all my knowledge from my high school years of health class.
“What’s happening?!” Garrett yelled, looking down at John horrified.
“He’s having a seizure! Someone call an ambulance! Make sure they hurry!” I yelled, causing Jared to run out of the room, cell phone in hand. I looked back at John, his eyes rolled back in his head. I caressed his cheek with my thumb, waiting for the seizure to end. I felt tears spilling down my face. I moved his hair out of his eyes, smoothing it back. I felt his body movements slow down and lessen until they finally stopped. I let out a breathe that I didn’t realize I was holding. His eyes were closed and his jaw hung slack. I let go of his head and moved over to his side, placing my ear near his mouth, listening for his breathing and watching his chest to see if it rose and fell. I felt the faint push of air of my cheek, so light that his chest didn’t even move.
“He’s barely breathing.” I told the guys as they watched. I sat back up and flipped John’s limp body on his side, remembering that you should do that for any unconscious person. Jared came back into the room.
“They are on their way.” He said, the phone still to his ear.
“Tell them he stopped convulsing but is now unconscious. But I put him in the recovery position.” I told him. He nodded and repeated what I said into the phone and listened to their response.
“They said you did the right thing and that now we just wait. The hospital is close by, so the ambulance should be here any minute.” He repeated back to us. I nodded and sat next to John, rubbing his cheek and running my fingers through his hair. I was surprisingly calm and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because I knew he was strong or maybe it was because if I even let the thought that he wasn’t going to be okay slip into my mind, I would completely lose it.
Soon we could hear the ambulance’s sirens and all the guys but Pat went out to lead the paramedics to John. Pat came and sat on the couch behind me, rubbing my back soothingly.
“He’s going to be alright Jamie.” He assured.
“I hope so.” I whispered. I heard a commotion outside as the sirens got louder and then shut off. I heard the door to the bus open.
“They’re in the back.” I heard Jared say and then quickly two guys and a woman appeared in the back lounge. They immediately started working on John, the women gently pushing me out of the way. I nodded understandingly and sat on the couch with Pat, watching them work. They asked questions, which I tried to answer the best I could. Soon they had John on a stretcher and were carrying him out. I followed behind and watched as they loaded him into the ambulance, Pat holding me the whole time.
“One person can ride along with us.” The women said, looking at me. I nodded and moved towards the truck, but looked back at Pat.
“Will you get AJ and bring her to the hospital when you guys come?” I asked.
“Of course. We’ll be there as soon as possible.” He assured me. I nodded and climbed into the back of the ambulance. The women closed the door and ran around to the driver’s seat, putting on the sirens and began moving. I watched as the two guys hooked John up to machines and took some blood. I saw his hand dangling in front of me and took it, grasping it in mine and bringing it to my lips. He was cold and pale, and the realization that he might not be okay hit me, causing tears to well up uncontrollably in my eyes. A light sob left my throat as I squeezed his hand tighter. I had never been very religious but all I could think to do was bow my head and pray. Soon we arrived at the hospital and they brought John inside and led me to the waiting room. I waited for a while before AJ and the guys showed up. AJ ran over and I stood up and hugged her, squeezing her tight.
“Are you okay love?” She asked, patting my hair.
“No. This is all my fault.” I admitted, letting tears fall again.
“No it’s not sweetie.”
“But it is. I yelled at him and told him I didn’t love him and that’s why he drank. But it’s not true. I do love him. I love him AJ.” I sobbed.
“I know baby, I know.” She cooed, trying to calm me down. Pat came over and rubbed my back.
“He’s strong Jamie. Don’t worry. He’ll make it out of this unscathed. Just wait and see.” He told me. I just nodded and leaned into his chest. He wrapped an arm around me and AJ kept one arm around me while the other held Pat’s hand. After I calmed down, we all sat and waited. The wait was silent, except for a few murmurs from the boys. I looked over at the boys and something hit me: I had forgotten about tour.
“AJ, what am I going to do about tour?” I asked a bit frantic.
“Well…” She thought. “Right now I would call the managers of each band and tell them what’s going on and that we’ll be staying here tonight and not driving. Then I would call Rotem and tell her to write an announcement that the next show is canceled and the next few tours may possibly be canceled but will all be made-up and have her post it to all the tour sites. And get all the band guys to tweet that tomorrow’s show is canceled so the fans will definitely see it.” She finished. I nodded and whipped out my phone.
“What would I do without you?” I asked as I got up.
“Wonder around dazed and confused?” She asked.
“Pretty much.” I told her as I walked down the hall to a quiet place where I could make the calls. 15 minutes later, everyone was informed of what was happening and had their instructions. I walked back to the waiting room and saw a doctor standing with all the guys.
“There she is!” Garrett pointed at me, causing everyone to look at me. The doctor came over to me.
“Hello, are you Mr. O’Callaghan’s fiancé?” He asked.
“Uhhh…” I stuttered, looking over at the guys. They all nodded their heads frantically. “Yes?” I told him.
“Alright. We can only release information to relatives, and fiancés count. Mr. O’Callaghan is stable right now. When he came to us, his blood alcohol level was 0.31%. It’s a miracle he was still breathing. We pumped his stomach and gave him fluids to hydrate him and regulate his glucose levels. He is breathing on his own and his heart rate is back to normal, but he is still unconscious. However, we expect him to regain consciousness in the next 24 hours.” He finished. I nodded. “Would you like to see him?” He asked. I nodded again. “Alright, well he is in room 203. You can go whenever you’re ready. Only family though, alright? They rest of your friends can see him tomorrow during visiting hours.” He told me sternly. I nodded my head and went back to the guys.
“Is he alright?” Garrett asked.
“Yeah, he’s fine. But he’s still not conscious. Why did you tell him I was his fiancé?” I asked.
“Because he said family only and I knew John needed you there with him.” He said. I nodded and hugged him.
“Thank you.” I said into his chest.
“No problem.” He smiled. I hugged everyone else before walking down the hallway until I came upon room 203. I took a deep breath before opening the door. When I walked in, I first heard the soft beeps coming from the machines. I looked up and saw John lying there hooked up to a bunch of tubes and wires. His only movement was the steady rise and fall of his chest. His color had come back and he looked as if he was simply sleeping. I walked over to the side of the bed and pulled a chair up close.
“Hey John. Can you hear me?” I asked, expecting no response. “I hope so. I hope that you can hear me, because I need to tell you that I’m sorry for what I said. I should have never said such mean things, especially since they weren’t even true. I don’t know John; I just hate how we’re both hurting. Don’t you understand that it’d be so much easier if you just gave up on me? I love you John, but I’m just not sure if I can get past what happened any time soon. And it kills me because I know you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to be treated like this because of one stupid mistake, but I can’t change how I feel. So just try and move on, okay?” I asked, watching his unresponsive figure and sighing. “I wish I had the guts to tell you all this while you were awake. Maybe I’ll gain the courage, I don’t know. But either way you need to wake up, okay? Just please, please wake up John. I’ll be here for you when you do. Not in the way you want, but as a friend who cares. I’m going to fix the mess that I caused, alright? I promise.” I sighed again and curled up in the chair and watched him until I fell asleep.