Listen To Your Heart

One month. That’s how long we had left of tour. It had been two weeks since the party and much to AJ’s dismay, I had successfully avoided John in all non-tour related ways. AJ keeps trying to make me talk to him, even getting Pat involved, but I had made up my mind. I wanted John to be happier than I thought I was capable of making him.
I was reading in the back lounge of my bus, the place I spent most of my time, when AJ and Pat came in. I looked up at them as they sat on either side of me. I knew they were up to something, and it wasn’t going to be in my favor.
“What do you guys want?” I groaned.
“We have a compromise for you.” Pat told me.
“Oh really? And what might that be?” I asked with sarcastic excitement.
“Well, we were thinking that you should at least tell John that you forgive him. You don’t have to mention the whole wanting him back part, just that your resentment towards him is gone.” AJ offered.
“And why would I do that?” I asked.
“Well think about it. You want him to be happy don’t you?” Pat started. I nodded. “Well it’s hard to be happy if you know someone you care about resents you or blames you for their pain or whatever. So you letting him know that you forgive him will help him be happier.” Pat grinned, proud of him argument.
“Well… I guess.” I sighed.
“Great! We’ll go get him for you!” AJ cheered, jumping up and hurrying out the door, Pat hot on her heels.
“Wait! I didn’t say right now!” I called after them in vain, neither of them acknowledging my pleas. I sighed and crossed my arms, slouching further into the couch. Great. This will be fun. I continued reading my book and waited for John to arrive. Ten minutes later, I heard the door of the bus open and close and footsteps approach me. I looked up from my book and saw John’s tall, thin figure coming towards me. I closed my book and placed it on the couch beside me. John gave me a friendly but hesitant smile when he entered, which I returned.
“Hey. Pat and AJ said you wanted to see me?” He asked. I nodded.
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I sighed. “Have a seat.” I offered, motioning to the empty section of the couch. He obliged and sat down, turning his body slightly towards me.
“So what’s up?” He asked.
“Um well, I don’t think you’ll really care about what I’m about to tell you, but AJ and Pat think I should so I guess I will.” I told him.
“Uh, well alright. Go ahead.” He said, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Well, I, uh, just wanted to let you know that I, um, forgive you for what happened and that I don’t blame you or resent you or whatever anymore.” I told him, looking at my hands in my lap.
“…You forgive me?” He asked.
“Yeah.”
“Um… why?” He asked, his face confused. “I mean, I’m glad, just… why now? We haven’t even talked in weeks so I’m just confused on what changed your mind.”
“Well, um, I actually forgave you the night of the party. Well technically the morning after since I was too drunk that night to do much introspective thinking, or any thinking at all really.” I rambled.
“What, you forgave me because I helped you out? It doesn’t work that way Jamie. You don’t forgive people because they do something for you.” He said, slightly irritated.
“No, that’s not why. Although thank you for that. I’m not sure if I ever properly thanked you.” I told him.
“Then why?” He asked.
“Well after almost doing the same thing that you did, I guess I just realized how easy it was to make a drunken mistake. And I realized that it didn’t have anything to do with your love or devotion, which is what I thought before. It was just a drunken mistake, that’s all. So I’ve been able to let it go and forgive you.” I explained.
“Oh. Well alright. Thanks, I guess?” He questioned. I just nodded curtly. “Is that… all you wanted to say?” He asked, looking me in the eyes. I looked back, pausing for a moment to think.
“Yeah.” I whispered, my voice unintentionally shaky. He sighed and nodded.
“Well I guess I’ll go then.” He said, standing up. I nodded. “Bye.”
“Bye.” I told him before he turned away and walked through the bus and out of sight. I sighed heavily. I guess I was right- he didn’t care. A minute after John left, Pat and AJ were back at my side.
“So… how did it go?” AJ asked.
“Um, fine?” I told him.
“Well what did he say?” Pat asked.
“He just said thanks and asked if that was all I had to say and I said yes and then he left.” I told them.
“That’s it?” AJ frowned.
“Yup. I told you he wouldn’t care. What did you expect to happen?” I asked.
“I don’t know. We just thought you guys would get to talking about your relationship or something and there might be some breakthroughs.” AJ explained.
“Yeah, well not everything turns out like hoped.” I sighed.
“I’m sorry Jamie. We really thought this was going to help.” Pat sighed.
“It’s okay guys. It’s probably better that he knows. I’m glad I told him. It’s only fair he knows he’s forgiven.” I mustered up a small smile for them. They smiled lightly back.
“It’ll all work out between you two. I can feel it.” AJ smiled comfortingly.
“Yeah, that’d be nice.”