Listen To Your Heart

“So what do I tell Pat?” John asked.
“Just ask him over to play video games. Tell him that Kenny is out with Mary and Garrett is out with Lauren and you’re stuck here all alone.” I said.
“Oh, that’s good.” He smiled, hitting buttons on his phone before putting it to his ear. I smiled and turned back to the chips I was putting out. People had been piling into the guys apartment for the past half hour and it was finally time to get the birthday boy here. I finished what I was doing when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I grab it and see that the caller is AJ and answer.
“Hey!”
“Hey Jamie, I’m here. What apartment number is it again?” She asked.
“Go to the third floor and I’ll just meet you at the elevator.” I told her.
“Alright! See you in a few.” She said before hanging up. Along with AJ, I had invited the rest of my team from work, figuring it’d be nice for them to all get to know each other before tour. As I made my way to the door to get AJ, I noted Dave and Shawn sitting on the couch talking to Rotem and Gissy, while Sara and Morgan were chatting with some of the guys’ crewmembers that came. I went out and waited for AJ to arrive, hugging her when she finally stepped out of the elevator.
“Hey! Are you excited?” I asked, leading her to the apartment.
“Yeah, totally. Is everyone else here already?” She asked.
“Yeah. But Pat’s not, and he’s the one that counts.” I smiled, opening the door to the apartment and making our way in. John came up to me, shoving his phone in his back pocket.
“Pat’s on his way.” He told me.
“Great! Does he suspect anything?” I asked.
“Nope.” He smiled.
“Alright, good job. This is AJ by the way.” I told him, gesturing to her.
“Nice to meet you.” AJ said, shaking his hand.
“Likewise.” He smiled.
“She’s coming on tour, so you’ll be seeing a lot more of her.” I smiled.
“Awesome. It’ll be great.” John said. We continued our small talk until John got a text from Pat say he was here and also complaining that he couldn’t find a parking spot, most likely do to his party attendees. We decided to be cliché and shut of the lights and force everyone into silence. When Pat finally made it to the door, he opened it, stood confused for a second, before turning on the lights.
“SURPRISE!” Everyone yelled. He visibly jumped, definitely not having been expecting it, and a huge smile grew on his face.
“Holy shit guys!” He exclaimed. The guys, Tim, and I all bombarded him, they guys tackling him and doing what males do to show affection, while I squeezed him in a tight hug before slipping his party hat on his head.
“Happy birthday! Are you surprised?” I grinned up at him.
“Hell yeah I’m surprised! I can’t believe you guys did all this for me!” He said.
“Anything for you Pat.” I smiled. “Wait here!” I told him before running into the kitchen and coming back out with a cupcake with a lit candle. “Here you go birthday boy! Make a wish!” I said, handing him the cupcake. He laughed and blew it out.
“Thanks! All of you.” He smiled at everyone.
“Of course Pat. You deserve it. Now someone turn up the music and get the birthday boy a beer!” I shouted. Quickly the party got started, everyone having a drink in their hand and chatting or dancing. Once Pat made his round of greeting all his friends, he came over to where I was sitting with a drink and talking to AJ and plopped down next to me.
“Hey Pat! Are you having fun?” I asked.
“Sure am. You’re like the best, best friend a guy can have.” He smiled.
“I know I am.” I teased. “Oh, by the way, this is AJ, my friend from work.” I told him. They greeted each other. We all started a conversation until Shawn came up to me.
“Hey Jamie, would you like to dance?” He asked, extending a hand out to me.
“Um, sure.” I smiled, taking his hand and letting him help me up. “You two have fun.” I said to AJ and Pat before letting Shawn lead me to the crowd of people dancing. He turned to me, placing his hands on my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. We swayed to the music, drifting closer together until we were touching.
“So, are you having fun?” I asked him.
“Yeah. You did a great job. And Pat seemed surprised, so you accomplished your mission. I guess you just have a knack for planning events.” He smiled. I laughed.
“Yeah, I guess so. I can’t believe the tour is less than a month away. I’m so excited.” I told him.
“Me too. It’ll be fun to hang out with everyone, especially you.” He smiled. I blushed and looked down at my feet. “Speaking of you… how are you doing with getting over your ex?” He asked.
“It’s a slow process.” I told him, looking back up at him.
“Well is there anything I can do to move the process along?” He asked, moving closer to me.
“I’m not sure…” I said lightly as I watch his lips move closer to mine.
“Well we can always experiment with options.” He whispered before pressing his lips to mine. I could taste the alcohol on his lips as he kissed me. It wasn’t a bad kiss, a pretty decent one really, but I couldn’t get John out of my mind. Shawn’s lips just didn’t feel the same as John’s. John’s were soft and warm and gentle, but passionate, and Shawn’s just couldn’t compare. I was afraid that I’d never find anyone that could compare. I pulled away from him gently.
“I’m sorry Shawn. I’m just not ready.” I told him, backing away slightly.
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so forward.” He said.
“It’s okay. Really. It’s fine. I’m going to go get a drink, all right? I’ll see you later.” I told him before hurrying away. I went straight to the drink area and poured myself a shot and knocked it back. I sighed and turned around and looked into the living room. I noticed Pat and AJ still talking on the couch, although they were closer than how I had left them. I smiled lightly and continued looking around. Mary was dancing with Kenny, and Lauren and Garrett were being a disgustingly cute couple like always in the corner. Then my eyes found John, sitting alone in a love seat against the wall, milking a half full bottle of whiskey, glaring into the swarm of people. I poured myself another shot and drank it quickly before walking over to John. I sat next to him, startling him and causing him to jump slightly as his head shot to look at me, his eyes wide and red.
“Are you okay? Did you drink all that?” I asked, motioning to the bottle.
“Uh, yeah.” He mumbled, putting the bottle back to his lips. I pushed the bottle away from his lips.
“No. That’s enough for you. Why are you drinking so much anyway?” I asked, trying to get the bottle away from him.
“How else do you expect me to cope with watching you grind and suck face with some guy?” He glared before getting up and stumbling off towards the hallway. I frowned and got up, going after him. I followed him into his bedroom, shutting the door behind me. He spun around at the sound, not realizing he had been followed.
“Leave me alone Jamie.” He said, sitting down on his bed slowly, obviously dizzy from spinning around so quickly.
“I’m sorry John. I didn’t realize you would see that.” I said, walking towards him.
“You don’t care if you hurt me.” He snapped at me, putting the bottle back to his lips. I reached out and took it away from him, putting it on the dresser behind me.
“Stop it John. Drowning yourself in alcohol isn’t going to help.” I scolded. “And don’t you dare say that I don’t care about you. You know that I do.” I said, sitting down next to him on his bed.
“Go tell your boyfriend that.” He scowled.
“John, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just some guy I work with that has a little crush. But I told him that I couldn’t go out with him… because I wasn’t over my ex.” I said. He looked up at me, his features turning soft.
“You told him that?” He asked. I nodded. “Wait, then why were you guys kissing?” He asked.
“He was trying to make me get over you.” I told him.
“Did it work?” He asked.
“No. It just made me miss you more.” I confessed, looking up at him. He looked back at me silently, his eyes inspecting me. And then he started to lean in to me, and I don’t know whether it was because of the alcohol or because I craved the feeling of his lips, but I leaned in too. And then our lips collided, causing electricity to flow between us and warmth to radiate throughout my body. I sighed into the kiss and John wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in close to him. He laid down, bringing me with him, before climbing on top of me, never breaking our kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, desperate to feel and taste every part of him. I tangled my fingers in his hair and he ran his hands up and down my sides. Our tongues wrestled for dominance, neither of us caring who won. We held out for as long as we could but eventually we were forced to stop for air, both of us panting.
“We shouldn’t have done that.” I panted.
“I know. But I don’t regret it.” He said, leaning down to kiss me again. I pushed him back.
“We can’t do this John. I can’t get your hopes up like this.” I told him.
“Can’t we just do something stupid for once? Make a stupid mistake now and then pretend like it didn’t happen in the morning. Can’t we just fuck up for once?” He asked.
“I’m sorry John. I know you want that now, but it’ll just hurt more in the morning. I can’t hurt you anymore.” I told him. He sighed and rolled off me onto the bed. We laid there silently, staring at his ceiling.
“I love you.” He told me.
“I know, John. I know.” I sighed. I started to get up but he grabbed my hand.
“Lay with me?” He asked.
“I don’t know John…” I said.
“Oh come on. I’m going to need someone to be with me in the morning to nurse this hangover. Just lay with me. Completely innocent, I promise.” He pleaded. I looked at his sad face and knew I couldn’t disappoint him anymore. So I nodded and climbed next to him, letting him wrap his arm around me. I sighed, missing the feeling of sleeping next to him: the feeling of security from his arm tightly around me, the constant warmth his body created, the rhythm of his breathing ever-present. I closed my eyes and allowed the beating of his heart to lull me to sleep.